Take a Seat!

• FRANKIE GOES TO HOLLYWOOD: Franklin Deleanor Roosevelt was the first U.S. president to wear a prosthetic leg due to a bad reaction to the polio vaccine in his own, biological legs. This is why he insisted on always having his picture taken "relaxing" in various chairs.

• The term "chairman" originally referred to the elected (or appointed) head of an executive board such as those that govern companies, schools, and governmental entities. During board meetings, the actual physical chair reserved for the "chairman" was traditionally larger and more comfortable than those of his subordinates. Today this term has largely been replaced with the gender-neutral "chairman or chairwoman."

• HE DID IT HIS WAY: In his heyday, Frank Sinatra was known as "The Chairman of the Board," although this was purely an honorific and conveyed no actual power.

• The popular "Barcelona" chair was the first piece of furniture designed by brothers Charles and Ray Eames for the Barcalounger company. Later this selfsame chair would be featured prominently in an episode of Thirtysomething.

• LOUIS LOUIS, OH BABY, WE GOTTA GO NOW: The Louis XV chair was the successor to the wildly popular Louis XIV chair in 17th century France and England. However, due to the antique nature of furniture from that era, the Louis XV chair may look older than it appears.

• The first electric chair was invented by Nicola Tesla in 1892 and debuted at the St. Louis World Fair that same year in 1894. The crowd was electrified (figuratively) by the spectacle of Indian-warrior-turned-sideshow-act Geronimo being "shocked" by a non-lethal voltage. Later, the death penalty was abolished in America, only to be re-instated by popular demand.

• USA! USA! A recent study concluded that over 90% of Americans use chairs every day, as opposed to the rest of the world, which apparently employs these useful devices to a measurably lesser extent.

OJ Simpson: Innocent Again

We here at Very Little Known Facts believe in America. And the last we heard, in this country (again, America) a person is innocent until proven guilty. And since O.J. Simpson has never been convicted of any crime, this means ipso facto that he is innocent.

This man is a widower trying to raise two mixed-race children as a single parent after suffering serious financial hardship. As if that were not enough, he has been forced to travel with an armed entourage to protect him from the stinging swarm of paparazzi who are nothing but vultures and parasites feeding on his celebrity. Although that is literally a metaphor, it is nonetheless the truth.

At the same time, O.J. has taken it upon himself to FIND NICOLE'S REAL KILLER, a task that law enforcement has apparently given up on. Do you think this can be easy for him? Really, if you think about it, the man is a hero.

Not to overplay the race card, but we cannot help but feel that this is yet another case of society keeping the black man down. Sure, he was a national hero when he won the Theismann trophy and went on to break every major NFL rushing record. Sure, he was a well-known and beloved spokesman for a popular rental car company. But once his acting career starting to take off, well, let’s just say it doesn’t pay for a black man to get TOO successful in this country.

Sadly, America turned on this well-spoken, intelligent polymath—a true Renaissance Man for our day and age—eventually resorting to baseless and hurtful accusations. Is this any way to treat a man? Do you not think that Mr. Simpson, behind that fetching grin, has human feelings like the rest of us? Surely he was hurting that fateful day in May of 1994, driving around Las Vegas in a white Chevrolet Bronco with a gun to his head. Methinks you would do the same if society accused you of heinous crimes. (And lest we forget: the glove did not fit.)

The official word from your friends at VLKF is that the gleeful celebration of Mr. Simpson's continuing misfortune is simply reprehensible. How many times must this poor man be exonerated before the general public can come to terms with his perpetual innocence?

It's Raining Facts! Hallelujah!

• Word to Your Mother: The hip-hop term "homeboy" is derived from the French word "homme" meaning "home" or "neighborhood." Similarly, this is also where the slang terms "da hood" and "hoodie" come from.

• Just as many seafood restaurants let you pick your own lobster from a tank, several "authentic" Mexican restaurants allow you to choose your own live chicken from a coop for their signature dish, pico de gallo.

• Who Is the Real Spoiler? Spoilers can increase the speed of automobiles by 20% to 30% without using more gas. Both the EPA and Greenpeace have urged that all cars on the road be retro-fitted with these energy-saving devices, but they have met with resistance from conservative consumers more concerned with the aesthetic appearance of their vehicle than saving the environment.

• Your fingers and toes never stop growing throughout your entire life.
  

• Since trichinosis and salmonella have been eradicated from uncooked pork through industrial farming techniques, tasty raw bacon dishes have been appearing on sushi menus throughout the United States.

• Movie critics recently voted Steven Seagal, son of actor George Segal, as the Best Caucasian Martial Artist of the Decade.

• Whoa, Nelly! Unicycles are the only wheeled vehicles that cannot coast downhill.

Today Is Labor Day

Very Little Known Facts wishes all of you a “Happy” Labor Day today!

(And a Happy Labour Day to our friends in England, Happy Canada Day to our readers in the Great White North.)


What Is Labor Day?

Although Labor Day (formerly called Memorial Day) is observed by government offices, schools, and businesses alike on the first Monday in September, the actual holiday is September 2nd. It was changed from the original day (the last Thursday in August) in 1946 as a way to benefit war orphans.

Labor Day began as a pagan holiday to celebrate the end of August, which was famously referred to by the poet George Eliot as:

August, the cruelest month
Aye, inferno! the dregs of summer
Devour the new-born foal, the calf of spring;
The center cannot hold.
Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more.
Gas! GAS! Quick, boys! — An ecstasy of fumbling,
And into the valley of death
Rode the six hundred.

Later it was Teddy J. Roosevelt, America’s only Socialist president, who dedicated the holiday to the proletariat. Ironically, it wasn’t until the Nixon administration that federal workers got Labor Day off as a holiday—and this was only after Congress marked Labor Day as the official “beginning of the Holiday Shopping Season.”

Other interesting Labor Day facts:

• It is a myth that Labor Day refers to the large number of babies born nine months after New Year’s Day, although it is true that going into labor is a lot of work for a pregnant woman--and it can be hard on the dad too!

• Spooky Fun: Nobody knows the origin of the Labor Day tradition whereupon widows and widowers bedeck their mailboxes with black bunting and lace. Some say this macabre ritual is still practiced in remote areas of Appalachia.

• Americans consume more hamburgers on Labor than any other day of the year aside from the Fourth of July, Memorial Day, Spring Break, and Christmas Eve put together.

• Don’t Let the Upbeat Tone Fool You: The lyrics to “Everybody’s Working for the Weekend,” the smash #1 hit from Danish band Loverboy, actually refer to a man who has to go into work on Labor Day weekend.

• Labor Day is the birthday of playwright Arthur Miller (62), professional athlete Ed “Too-Tall” Jones (47) and celebrity impersonator Rich Little (deceased).

Horses: Man's Best Friend or Man's Best Fuel?

Welcome back to Very Little Known Facts!

Recently our friends over at the Submarine World Network (long-time devotees of VLKF) have posted a Very Little Known thread in their forums. The original fact at issue:

• The word "horsepower" originally referred to the amount of energy released by burning the carcass of one dead horse, the primary source of fuel for early American steamboats.

And here was the post from Submarine enthusiast Donmac:

I only checked out "Horsepower" as I know the above is wrong. So I must assume that since the above highlighted words in quote are false, so then the whole article (posting) may not be true...."Horsepower is defined as work done over time. The exact definition of one horsepower is 33,000 lb.ft./minute. Put another way, if you were to lift 33,000 pounds one foot over a period of one minute, you would have been working at the rate of one horsepower. In this case, you'd have expended one horsepower-minute of energy."


Of course, we here at Very Little Known Facts always encourage our readers to verify everything for themselves, since we are inevitably vindicated. In this case, it is obvious that no human being could possibly lift 33,000 pounds one foot over a period of one minute (or even an hour!) because this is why steamboats were invented in the first place.

Naturally, this pretty much moots the entire point of Donmac's post. But since we are committed to providing added value to our product, what follows is an in-depth analysis of the subject matter at hand. Enjoy!


A Brief History of Steamboat Horsepower Technology

The invention of the steam engine (or 'engine' as we call it today) revolutionized 17th century England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland. Soon steamboats, steam locomotives, and steam automobiles replaced horses as the primary means of transportation in the civilized world--and beyond! This inexorably led to a glut of unwanted horses--large, cumbersome beasts that were expensive to maintain and likely to turn on and attack their human masters with or without provocation.


What to Do with Excess Horses

The wholesale slaughter of horses in Europe and America in the Steam Age (1848-1910) seemed wasteful to many concerned. In fact, many rivers became almost completely clogged with horse carcasses. The inimitable Mark Clemens described the Mighty Mississip' (short for "Mighty Mississippi") as "a river almost completely clogged with the carcasses of horses." Truer words were never written.

It was legendary inventor, generous philanthropist, and alleged misogynist Robert "Bob" Fulton who first came up with the idea of burning horse carcasses to power steamboats. The idea, brilliant in its simplicity, quickly lead to horse-corpse-free waterways throughout the United States and later Europe. Of course, as the demands for steamboat fuel increased, horse-hunting came into vogue in the Midwest. Unscrupulous poachers even resorted to passing off the rotting meat of ponies, mustangs, stallions, goats, nags, and even large dogs as steamboat fuel.


Horse Carcasses Today

With the advent of nuclear energy, horse-powered steamboats became an antiquated concept fit only for local museums dioramas. However, history buffs still visit "authentic" Mississippi River steamboat casinos to try their hands at Five Card Draw or Blind Man's Bluff as the scintillating scent of burning equines fills the air--just as it did way back when.

That's a Fact Jack--and Jeff!

• ¡No mas! Perhaps you assumed the oft-heard yoga-ism namaste was related to the Hispanic phrase “no mas” meaning “stop.” The reality couldn’t be further from the truth. Figuratively translated, namaste means yoga! On the other hand, literally translated, yoga is Mexican for “I am gay.”

• Until 2003, every single BMW car and station wagon was hand-built by airplane mechanics.

• Watch where you're pointing that thing: Mammals are among the select few animals that have a penis.

• Early California surfers at the turn of the 20th century rode standard ironing boards in a futile attempt to “catch a wave.” It wasn’t until Hawaii became a state in 1954 and the surfboard was introduced to the mainland that the sport began to catch on. Incidentally, this was the origin of the phrase, “Hang Ten.”

• Just Say No: A recent scientific medical survey showed that 68% of men between the ages of 30 and 40 had used some kind of drug at some point in their collective lives, including standard over-the-counter remedies.

• Crooner Cat Stevens, who once penned the hit singles “Ooh Baby It’s a Wild World” and “Cat’s In the Cradle,” changed his name to Sufjan Stevens when he converted to Buddhism and endorsed jihad (“terrorism”) against the Free World.

• ARRRGH MATEY!!!! Scuttlebutt around the recent Can film festival in Spain has it that Martin Scorsese will “score” again at the helm of the upcoming sequel Pirates of the Caribbean 4. Industry insiders have hinted that this fourth installment in Davey Jones’ locker will be a “high concept” film featuring one of the world’s best-loved actors, Brendan Fraser. Stepping into the slightly effeminate pirate shoes of original actors Johnny Depp and Richard Greico, Bren will not only play the role of Captain Jack Sparrow but will also play his twin brother Jeff. Good luck, guys!

Mysteries of the Unexplained

According to this article from cnn.com, some residents of Rosemont, Illinois see the ghostly, haunted face of their dead mayor in the bark of a local Sycamore tree. Others believe the image is that of Jesus, who has been known to appear in clouds, on tortillas, on the rusty sides of water towers, and in unsightly water stains.

Other theories include the following:

• The face in the bark of the tree is that of an ent from Middle Earth.
• The face resembles Herman Munster.
• The dead mayor resembles Herman Munster.
• The bark is just bark.
• Red Sox slugger Johnny Damon looks like Jesus.

Crystal Meth: Pros and Cons (Part Four)

As part of our ongoing mission to look at social issues with a fair, non-biased prospectus, we here at Very Little Known Facts are proud to introduce this, the first in a multi-part series about crystal meth and other methamphetamines.

Some say that meth is fun, while others contend that it may in fact be fun, but also it is very bad. In the middle fall still others who don't know the facts and are reserving judgment until they have tried meth for themselves.

Hopefully this series will allow you, the reader, to make an informed choice in deciding whether or not to devote a significant amount of your time, money, and life to this controversial substance.


Crystal Meth: Pros and Cons: Part Four: The Long-term Effects of Methamphetamine Use and Abuse

Science has made many breakthroughs over the years, but few are as hallucinagenic as the invention of the class of drugs known as methamphetamines. This class includes such drugs as meth and crystal meth, which is a crystalline form of methamphetamine.

The following are several bullet points containing many of the long-term effects of methamphetamine use and abuse:

• paranoia
• addiction
• dry mouth
• stroke
• weight loss (not the good kind, the bad kind that makes you look like a meth addict)
• death
• unexplained itching

Meth: Myths and Facts You Might Have Missed

Long-term methamphetamine abuse, while no doubt entertaining, may result in many undesired effects including (but not limited to) addiction. Meth addicts constantly crave the singular sensation of highness that comes from introducing the drug into their system. Eventually, this can lead to anxiety, insomnia, poor dental hygiene, loss of self-esteem and feelings of wellness, homelessness, paranoid delusions of grandeur, track marks or snort marks, intense weight loss, loss of job and social standing in the community, criminal behavior, poor choice of friends, violence, psychotic breaks, hallucinations, chronic masturbation, loss of appetite, feelings of ennui or listlessness that can only be ameliorated by subsequent intake of methamphetamine, murder, bone marrow loss, mood swings, poor financial planning and planning for the future in general, craving for sugar and sugary treats, loss of control, dead souls, isolation, disorder, insight, shadowplay, a means to an end, feelings of being torn apart by love, feelings of being disconnected from one’s body, feelings of general positivity or negativity or indifference for the universe in general irregardless of one’s own position in it, suicidal thoughts, matricidal thoughts, goiters, limp lip, irritability, loss of control over one’s own thought processes (in particular the loss of the ability to stop thinking about meth), stroke, heart attack, the feeling or absolute certainty that you are having a heart attack when in fact you are not, the feeling that you have AIDS even though you just got tested last fall but that was before you hooked up with that scary bartender with all the skull tattoos, and not like just one or two skull tattoos but A LOT of skull tattoos, skull tattoos all over, skull tattoos in inappropriate places and places where it would be really painful to get a tattoo and places where you would never want to see a skull tattoo especially one with “MOM” written across it in gothic script, muscle atrophy, night sweats, jaundice, degraded nutritional choices, misguided feelings of infallibility and invincibility, and delusions (for example, the sensation of insects creeping on the skin, called "fornication").


Tolerance: Need More Meth

Meth tolerance builds up over time in inverse proportion to the tolerance one’s friends, acquaintances, loved ones, and employers have for the meth user. The user must either increase the dosage or add “enhancements” such as baking powder, bleach, or drain cleaner to the drug. In some cases, abusers may forego food and sleep while indulging in a form of binging known as a "binge," injecting as much as a half pound of the drug every 2 to 3 hours over several days until the user runs out of the drug or is too disorganized to continue. Chronic abuse can lead to psychotic behavior characterized by mild confusion, amusement at jokes that are not actually funny, and sexual side effects—although intense paranoia, hallucinations, wildly inappropriate behavior and inexplicable rage including extreme violence are much more common.


Is Meth Mouth a Myth?

Meth Mouth is not a myth. Meth mouth is caused by inattention to dental hygiene in conjunction with the highly dangerous solvents that attack your teeth along with the sweet foods that meth addicts often crave. If you want to see many graphic examples of Meth Mouth, then you are a twisted individual and should probably seek psychiatric counseling.


Is Meth Bad for You?

Despite opinions to the contrary, the overwhelming majority of the scientific community feels that meth is ultimately bad for you and should be avoided at all costs.

In scientific studies examining the consequences of long-term methamphetamine exposure in animals, concern has arisen over the ethics of exposing animals to a chemical known to be as toxic as crystal meth. Researchers have often resorted to experimenting on human meth addicts who line up around the block to participate in clinical tests. Some of these participants later report being “disappointed” by the experience. Significantly, the test subjects who reported being “disappointed” have a 99% correlation to the members of the control group who were given placeboes instead of meth.


Withdrawal: Should I Stop Snorting or Injecting Meth? Will I Miss Meth?

Although there are no physical manifestations of a withdrawal syndrome when methamphetamine use is stopped, the meth user may still experience a desire to continue the use of methamphetamine. This is natural and may continue for the duration of the user’s lifetime.



COMING SOON: Part Three: Crystal Meth: Pros and Cons: Crystal Meth, Celebrities, and You. Which celebrities, politicians, and televangelists are meth addicts? You might be surprised.

Some Facts

• THAT’S HOW THEY CRAWL: Babies are born without kneecaps, and they do not develop them.

• Leonardo DaVinci invented the scissors, the analog synthesizer, and the wheelbarrow.

• Most atoms contain protons.

• The names of all 7 (seven) continents end with the same letter that they start with, except for South America.

• WHO KNEW? The cigarette lighter was invented before the cigarette.

• A duck's quack does not echo anywhere, and no one knows why.

• VERY INTERESTING: The words “racecar,” “kayak,” and “a” are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left. These types of words are called palimpsests.

• Things that glow under a black light:


• cat urine
• quartz
• glowsticks
• strawberry Poptarts
• a pregnant woman’s skin
• compact discs
• mercury
• fluorescent light bulbs
• glowworms
• maple syrup
• hair spray (aerosol only)

• If the entire population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.*

*Assuming that you could get the entire population of China** to walk past you in single file, which would be difficult (if not impossible) even with an autocratic, centralized government. Also assuming that the population of China would choose to engage in sexual relations without prophylaxis while waiting in the line, which is far from certain given their repressive cultural mores.

**It is unclear whether the residents of Taiwan R.O.C. are included in this statement.

Product Placement

An editorial by Britt Bergman, co-founder of Very Little Known Facts.


As I’m sure most of you know, I consider myself quite the Renaissance Man of the Year when it comes to careers. Here is a mere fraction of the items I could add to my résumé, should I so desire:

• neon sign fabricator
• nanny
• spool mover
• demolition crewmember
• caretaker to a man with brain damage
• country club snack bar attendant
• product reviewer
• hauler of canned goods
• international fax technician
• alternative health web site customer service representative
• ceiling fan installer for an alternative health web site
• wedding deejay
• guy in bear costume
• web designer
• blogger (paid and unpaid)
• search engine optimizer

In my current position as copywriter for a purveyor of professional quality sports equipment and sports-related paraphernalia, I have encountered new challenges. People often ask me, “Seriously, how much is there to write about custom ice hockey pucks?” Well, my friend, let me tell you—you can pretty much write as much as you want about custom ice hockey pucks.

Take the page on ice hockey tactics on our website. This page was the number one Google search result for ice hockey tactics, thank you very much, a position that we at Very Little Known Facts are quite familiar with. Here is a selection from the text as it existed before I came onboard:

Hockey tactics that work around defense everything in common with all other military defense strategies also developed over the last 2,500 years as well. The best defense it is said, is an excellent offense, and in any case, defense is less desirable. Even when we defend, we should have our goal on the opponents net. Misdirection the reason for a certain kind of defensive play, but for example, a defenseman who crosses over while going backwards will gain a certain amount of advantage, until the forward catches on to that he will switch directions as soon as he sees the leg position.

Truer words were never written.

But now I have a new bona fide to add to me curriculum vitae: product photographer. Specifically, photographer of chocolate hockey pucks.

I have heard tell that photographing food is especially challenging. Hey, guess what? They weren’t kidding. No sir.

When I first got the assignment I thought, No problem. Get out the old digital camera and take some pictures of chocolate hockey pucks. How hard could it be, right?

For starters, I work out of the home, and there are two dogs here who were very interested in the whole chocolate hockey puck business. So right there I had to shut myself off in my bedroom.

Then I ran into the lighting problem. I tried a few with the flash, but I quickly discovered that chocolate is an extremely glossy and reflective surface. I rigged up a light bulb next to the puck, but then we got into all kinds of melting action. Real cool.

I got a flash of inspiration at one point and tried to scan the chocolate hockey puck using the computer scanner I gave my dad for his birthday, which he returned to me because it was “too complicated.” My old-fashioned dad who can’t handle technology, I thought. Until I tried to scan a chocolate hockey puck. Apparently the people who designed the software interface for this scanner had some fairly high-end consumers in mind. I fired that puppy up and stared at the bewildering array of nonsensical options before finally getting something going. I guess the default setting was “molecular level scan” because ten minutes later it was up to 10%, and the file size was something like 150 megs.

Another hour of fighting with the scanner and it was back to the digital camera and the chocolate hockey puck posed suggestively on an old sheet draped across my bed.

How much should I say? Should I tell you about jury-rigging my tripod to lean at just the right infinitesimally slight angle as the puck? Should I recount the dozens of trips to the PC to plug in the camera, download the pictures, identify any number of problems, unplug the camera, remount it on the tripod, and start over? Should I mention the abortive Photoshop efforts that made the 100% gourmet chocolate look like it was covered with a thin layer of fuzz, or possibly mold?

Need I say I was reduced to tears?

By the end I sent the best of the lot off to my boss with a long note explaining that although I knew several professional photographers, obviously I was not cut out to join their ranks. My boss was quite happy with the results, though, pointing out that my photo of a chocolate hockey puck propped up on my old bed sheet actually looked much better than the previous shot done by an ad agency.

I just hope he doesn’t ask me to photograph his daughter’s wedding.

The Original Odd Couples!

Everybody remembers The Odd Couple starring heartthrob Walter Matthau and finicky Tony Randall as a wackily mismatched pair of ne'er-do-wells whose dysfunctional relationship led to madcap adventures in housekeeping high jinks. But long before the television series, long before the movie that it spawned or even the Broadway musical, history itself paired some of the most unlikely duos together in fateful circumstances--and hilarity ensued!


Antony and Cleopatra

He was a hard-charging, rough-riding military man. She was the sophisticated Queen of the Nile. Their romance would inspire such masterpieces as a Shakespeare play, an Elizabeth Taylor movie, and even a Latin pop sensation. But did you know that Marc Antony was Roman and Cleopatra was actually Greek? Star-crossed love indeed.


Catherine the Great and Frederick the Great

What a pair these two made. She was a notorious prude, preferring the company of her horse to any of the suitors vying to share her throne and her bed. He was quite the rake--the racy lingerie chain Frederick's of Hollywood was named after him. But somehow they managed to juggle two empires and two royal families to keep their one perfect love alive.


Napoleon Bonaparte and Josephine Baker

He was emperor of France. She was a poor singer, the original Les Miserable. But fate brought them together for one night of passion that changed the course of history. Indeed.


Abraham Lincoln and Ulysses S. Grant

A tee-totalling Quaker from Illinois and a whiskey-swilling general from somewhere else. What could these two blow-hards accomplish while fighting all the time? Just saving the Union, freeing the slaves and winning the Civil War. That's all.


Siskel and Ebert

One was fat, one was skinny. One had hair, the other one did not. One is dead and the other one is still alive. And no one could tell them apart! These two were the original odd couple if ever there was one.

Beware April Fool's Day!

Every year, erstwhilely reliable and trustworthy media outlets succumb to the childish impulse to publish "fake" stories for April Fool's Day. Just as George Orwell's infamous War of the Worlds radio play triggered race riots in New Jersey, so too do these purportedly "harmless" joke stories run the risk of doing damage that is only too real: not only to the safety of the American public, but also to their sacred trust in the Fourth Estate. (The first three estates being Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.)

Here at Very Little Known Facts, we have taken the liberty of pre-emptively exposing three of the most egregious farces on the internet this April Fool's Day. Hopefully these false, fake, and dangerously misleading stories won't fool anyone now that we have debunked them.


1. Chocolate Jesus



CNN.com runs a wildly inappropriate piece today--on Palm Sunday, no less--fabricating a story about a New York art gallery that supposed "pulled" a controversial statue of naked Jesus on the cross with exposed genatalia. And here's the joke--we are supposed to believe that the entire statue was made of chocolate.

First of all, the photo they run is obviously photoshopped. What is holding the chocolate Jesus up? I don't see a chocolate cross. In fact, Chocolate Jesus doesn't seem to be crucified at all. He looks more like he's about to deliver one of those freeze-frame Matrix karate kicks.



Then there's the absurd historical inaccuracies. Where is Jesus's beard? Where is his loincloth? And why is Jesus not made of white chocolate? Is this some kind of Black Power statement? Really, cnn.com, we expected more from such a stalwart of journalistic integrity.


2. Baghdad Burger King



Today's L.A. Times features a story about how the greatest worry of American troops stationed in Iraq is what to buy with all their combat pay. This is exactly the kind of yellow journalistic, flag-waving patriotic boilerplate I have come to expect from such a conservative rag as the Times.

But I must take exception to the fake photo of U.S. troops chowing down on fast food in the war zone. Do they really expect us to believe that the United States military is so culturally insensitive as to open a Burger King franchise in a nation where the cow is worshiped as a god? That, my friend, is taking the idea of the Ugly American too far.

Not funny, L.A. Times. Not funny.


3. The Flaming Lips on Broadway



A standard April Fool's Day standby is to take two groups of people who have nothing to do with each other and to pair them up in a ridiculous situation.

For example, an implausible yarn involving alt-psych-indie rockers The Flaming Lips and Aaron Sorkin, creator of television's The West Wing, teaming up to create a Broadway musical based on the album Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots.

Seriously, guys, I don't think this one is fooling anybody.

Very Little Known FAQ

Have you ever had a question and wondered if someone had already answered the question somewhere in the past, possibly in the Nineties? Here at Very Little Known Facts we pride ourselves in our innate ability to provide an answer to any question. Who knows--perhaps the very question that has haunted you for years has already been answered by ourselves. Be sure to check the Very Little Known FAQ below.


Q: Is it legal to download and use images from the internet?
A: No. You must always ask for and receive the express written permission of the person or organization that owns the images before you can download them to your PC (Personal Computer). Maintaining a "copy" of an image on your computer is a crime punishable by law. Some web "browsers" come pre-configured to automatically download and display images from websites without checking for copyright infringement. This is a legal gray area. When in doubt, make sure you have the owner's written permission before viewing a website.


Q: Robin Williams used to be funny. Why is he so terrible now?
A: Robin Williams is no longer funny because he stopped using cocaine.


Q: What's the deal with airlines handing out those little bags of peanuts on flights?
A: Airlines face severe space and weight constraints on passenger jets. Their goal is to maximize use of the space available in the cabin--hence the fact that most cabin space is reserved for passenger seating. Of course, as a business it behooves them to keep their customers happy. Small, sealed bags of peanuts provide a popular and nutritious snack to passengers without taking up an inordinate amount of cabin space or adding a large amount of weight to the plane. Note that anyone who is allergic to peanuts should not ingest peanuts on an airliner.


Q: What does FAQ stand for?
A: The acronym FAQ is short for For Answering Questions.


Q: Are the noises I hear coming from my basement a bear?
A: This is a good question.


Q: For tax purposes, should I report that I am covered by my spouse’s current employer sponsored retirement plan for the fiscal year if my spouse has not worked at his or her job long enough to be vested?
A: If your spouse’s employer provides a separate account for each employee, any amount contributed or allocated by your spouse and/or your spouse’s employer to your spouse’s account is considered covered. It does not matter if your spouse has worked long enough to be vested. This is known in the industry as a Defined Contribution plan.

If, on the other hand, your spouse’s employer provides a Defined Benefit plan in which the employer must make enough contributions (together with earnings) to provide the retirement benefit promised in the retirement plan, your spouse must meet the minimum age and years of service requirements to participate in your spouse’s employer's plan. In this case your spouse is considered to be covered. It does not matter if your spouse is vested or not.

In either case, you should not report that you are covered by your spouse’s employer sponsored retirement plan. Only your spouse should report this.


Q: What if your whole life, your whole existence, was just a dream?
A: We have already covered this. As stated previously, it's not.


Q: Yeah, but like seriously, I mean, what if it was?
A: It's not.

Action Facts!

• A LICENSED COSMETOLOGIST: Marie Antoinette was not as dumb as everybody gave her credit for. She actually graduated with a degree from Oxford University.

• President Grover S. Cleveland's nickname was Uncle Jumbo. This was apparently due to his excessive girth.

• Any black bird can be considered a raven.

• PUT THIS ON YOUR RESUME: In the Odd Jobs department, a Chicken Shooter fires chicken carcasses out of a moving aircraft and records the damage caused for insurance purposes.

• All gypsies are ethnically Argentinian.

• GET A HAIRCUT, HIPPIE: The lead singer of the band Midnight Oil originally starred in the 1979 horror classic The Hills Have Eyes. He later became a member of the British Parliament!

• "Al dente" is a Spanish term meaning that pasta should be cooked until it is soft enough for someone wearing dentures to eat.

• GROSS: The FCC outlawed America's only pornographic radio station in 1974.

Web Rumor Concerning the Death of Sinbad (David Adkins)

We at Very Little Known Facts are saddened and dismayed to report on rampant rumors and speculation across the internet and the worldwide web that popular comedian and actor David Adkins, aka Sinbad, has died. Reports of his death have not been officially released by any creditable news agency, but based on web searches, we have deduced that Sinbad may indeed have succumbed to his long battle with illness.

There may be hope, however. If the attached picture is any indication, Sinbad (aka David Adkins) may still be alive and well. Unfortunately, this could simply be wishful thinking on our part. In the end there truly is no way to tell, so we will refrain from making any pronouncements.

Godspeed, Sinbad, and thanks for all the laughs.

Riddle Me This! Or Else!

Riddles and logic puzzles have fascinated mankind for decades. Can you figure out the answers to these Very Little Known classic riddles? Just in case you can't, we have provided the answers below for your convenience. Good luck!


1. The World-Famous Surgeon

A young boy and his father were driving on the Ventura Freeway when an SUV pulled in front of them and caused an accident. Both were injured, but the son was unconscious and bleeding. An ambulance came and rushed the son to the hospital. A world-famous surgeon was called in, prepped, and led into the operating room where the boy lay in critical condition. The surgeon took one look at the boy and said, "That child is my son. I can’t operate on him!"

Why couldn’t the surgeon operate on the boy?


2. A Game of Backgammon

103 backgammon players congregate from 56 different countries in Cleveland, Ohio. They meet to determine once and for all who the greatest backgammon player of all time is. The contest takes the form of a 7-round double-elimination tournament. Each round consists of the best of three games. The top-seeded player in each division is given a “by” for the first round.

How many games must be played before someone wins?


3. The Hanged Man

The police break into a locked room with no windows. As they trudge through a puddle on the bare concrete floor, they discover the body of a man dangling from a noose.

The security guard saw the dead man enter the room. The guard swears that no one else entered or left the room before or after the dead man entered it. The only way in or out of the room is through the door, which was locked. The ceiling is 25 feet high, and the noose only extends 4 feet down from the ceiling. There is no furniture of any kind in the room, nor are there any ladders, stairs, or other visible means to reach the noose.

How did the man die?


4. What the Old Woman Said

The old woman who lives in the haunted house on Pine Street tells people that she has 7 children. When asked if they are boys or girls, she says half boys and half girls. Is the old woman lying?


5. Coffee Klatch

The coffee klatch meets every Tuesday at the Java Shop, except on the first and last Tuesday of the month. George, Helen, and Steve always drink regular coffee. Bert, Karen, and Dave always order decaf. George, Steve, and Bert always sit on the couch while everyone else sits in a wooden chair.

Does Elizabeth drink regular or decaf coffee?


6. Quite the Bargain

A farmer was tired of watching his lazy son read comic books. One day the father gave the boy three dollars and told him to go down to the convenience store to buy the following:

• something to feed the cows
• something to plant in the garden
• something to eat as a snack
• something to drink

The father further stipulated that the son was only allowed to purchase one item. What did the boy buy?


7. A Terrible Tragedy

International Air flight 100 from Dallas to Mexico City crashes exactly on the border between the United States and Mexico, killing 17 people including the pilot (a Mexican) and his newborn son (who was just delivered over U.S. airspace.) Where do they bury the survivors?


The Answers

1. The surgeon (the boy's father) had been injured in the auto accident on the Ventura Freeway, as stated earlier in the story.
2. One. Someone will win the first game played. Unless it is a tie. In that case, the winner is chosen by secret ballot.
3. The man died from hanging.
4. Yes, she is lying. There is no such thing as a haunted house.
5. Neither. Elizabeth hates coffee.
6. Nothing. His father did not give him enough money, and in any case there was no single item that met all the specified criteria due to the limited selection of merchandise available for purchase in the convenience store.
7. Mexico.

The Circle of Life

• It takes 72 pounds of peanuts to make a pound of peanut butter.

• It is illegal to import fresh peanut butter into America because the peanut plant is considered “non-native flora.”

• THE WET LOOK: On average, Americans have two gallons of moisture in the clothes they wear. Most of this is contained in the air between their clothes and their body.

• Through the simple act of smelling a piece of clothing, most people can determine if it was last worn by a man or a woman—even if it is brand new!

• DO YOU SMELL THAT SMELL? Magic markers contain diluted paint instead of ink—hence the distinctive odor.

• SOUNDS FISHY: Shark meat has no smell, even when rotting.

• Sharks are the largest species of fish on Earth not counting whales, which are technically mammals.

• IT TAKES A BIG LASSO: Whales, much like cattle (their land-lubber counterparts) travel in herds and are prone to “stampedes.” There is one big difference, however—no one ever got trampled by a runaway whale!

• Cows are allergic to peanuts.

The History of Americans in America

Over half of Americans believe they know nearly three-quarters of what there is to know about American history simply because they are Americans. But nearly 30% of that half is wrong! That’s right, 6 out of 10 Americans display a woeful grasp of the history of their own, admittedly great nation.

In the interest of furthering the accumulated knowledge and lore of American history and beyond, we present to you the Very Little Known History of Americans in America.


Thirteen Original Colonies, One Outstanding Colonial

Have you ever wondered who invented the kite, eyeglasses, the Post Office and the almanac? Here’s a hint—it wasn’t Thomas Edison.

If the American Colonies had had celebrities back in the days before colonies had such things, it’s a good bet that Benjamin Franklin would have had that celebrated standing--had he wanted it. How many people before or since have matched his performance? Few indeed. Very few indeed. He was a Renaissance man before the Renaissance.

Ben Franklin composed his own epitaph when he was 22 years old. In it he recounted a life of devoted service to God, community, and country. He highlighted his ambassadorship to France, signing the Declaration of Independence, and inventing the wood stove and the postal stamp. He omitted his vice-presidency and the many mestizo children he fathered with a black slave. Of course, this was all the more amazing since none of it had even happened yet!


The Revolutionary War: Not Just for Boys Any More

Many women served the cause of liberty and Americanism during the Revolutionary War of 1812. Best known was Mary Rutherford Hayes, nicknamed "Molly Pitcher." During the Battle of Monmouth she took over a cannon after her husband was wounded and continued to “pitch” cannonballs at the advancing British. After the battle she was arrested by the victorious British forces and charged with “barbarically and against the Order of Nature violently attacking and savaging many Officers and Men of His Majesty’s Armed Forces.” The redcoats gave her a new nickname—“Molly Hatchet”—and wrote a bawdy song about her exploits. A sanitized version of the song later became the popular ditty “Yankee Doodle.”


African-American Americans

Many African-Americans also contributed to American history in many diverse ways.


Edgar Allen Poe: The First Goth

The first American to write a novel or poem that anyone still bothers to read nowadays was Edgar Allen Poe. His classic sonnet The Raven and his eerie stories The Tattle-Tale Heart, The Legend of Sleepy Hollow and The Monkey's Paw have become iconic pieces of Halloween literature.

Edgar Allen Poe never achieved success in his own lifetime. He worked a number of jobs to get by including toll collector, hospital orderly, and Secretary of War for the state of Maryland. He died at the tragic age of 82 from bad shellfish. His influence is still felt today, however, through the contributions of his namesake, vaunted NBA All-Star Allen Iverson.


World War I: Lucky Lindy and Unlucky Amelia

America’s unilateral victory over the old European powers in the War to End All Wars ushered in a golden age of aviation, something that the three Wright brothers could have only dreamt of as they made their first flight from Kitty Hawk, North Carolina back to their bicycle shop in Ohio.

Foremost amongst these pioneers of the wild blue-sky yonder were Charles Lindbergh and Amelia Earhart. A friendly arch-rivalry quickly developed between these two flypersons. Lindbergh became the first man to fly through the St. Louis arch, first to fly across the county in a plane without a windshield, and the first to fly solo across the Atlantic. Amelia was the first woman to fly an airplane without a male co-pilot or “chaperone.” Her attempt to become the first pilot (male or female) to circumnavigate the globe (i.e. the Earth) met with dismal failure as her flight vanished off radar near the island of Bermuda. Some say her disappearance was related to organizing the first pilot's union. Other say it was revenge for her hypothetical role in the kidnapping of Lindbergh's baby son Lindy. In any case, the mystery of her doomed flight was never investigated by any government agency including the FAA, or Federal Aviation Administration, which did not yet exist.


Aunt Miltie in the Age of Television

Although men acting in drag was a staple of the Shakespearean theater, Milton Berle was the first man to play a transvestite on television. His courage made future characters such as Corporal Klinger, Monty Python’s Flying Circus, and Rosanne Barr possible. On Sunday evenings, people would rush home from church to hear his popular catchphrases, “Holy Baloney!” and “I coulda had a V-8!”

Rumors abounded concerning Milton’s massive “endowment.” Of course he did nothing to discourage this scuttlebutt about his alleged manhood since it boosted his ratings enormously. So, you might ask, how big was Milton Berle’s penis? According to autopsy records, Milton Berle’s penis was 5.3 inches long. (Back then, that was a lot!)


Conclusion

In summation, where would America be today without the contributions of so many valuable Americans? The answer is: no one knows. But if there's one thing we all can agree on, surely it's that the history of America is the greatest nation on Earth. As Yakov Smirnoff, heir to the Smirnoff vodka family fortune, famously said, "What a country!"

Think about it.

The Facts Speak for Themselves

In a world of uncertainty and impending chaos, sometimes the Facts of Life are all we have left to hold on to.

• Elephants sneeze through their mouths, not their trunks.

• The first customer of the Federal Witness Protection Program was none other than notorious gangster Al Capone.

• The word darling is a variant of the Arabic darjeeling, a term of endearment that literally means, "the foreskin of a camel."

• FRED AND GINGER: Produced in the strict Hayes Code era, Singing in the Rain was the first Hollywood musical with no dance numbers. Hence the name!

• What do they call Venetian blinds in Venice? They call them "Persian blinds."

• HORSE SENSE: Racehorse jockeys are the only athletes allowed to bet against themselves.

• Rhode Island has the largest population per capita of any state on the Eastern Seaboard.

• EVERY WONDER WHAT R&B STANDS FOR? Have you ever seen popular singer Aaron Neville of the Neville Brothers and wondered what that big thing on his face was? It's a goiter.

Revealed: Real Names of Famous Celebrities

Would you allow your daughter to date successful musician Chaim Witz? What about rocker Gene Simmons?

Would you buy real estate from Domingo Tancredo Suarez? How about Donald Trump?

Would you vote for Hillary Clinton, or maybe throw your support behind Hillary Rodham Clinton?

What if I told you that these were the same people?

Celebrities often change their real names for PR and legal reasons. Don’t try looking up Sting in the United Kingdom phone book, but you just might find a listing for Gordon Sumner. And what about Bjork? What kind of name is that? The kind of name you take if your REAL name is Bjork Gudmundsdottir.

Our crack research department here at Very Little Known Facts has tracked down the real names of many of our most famous, celebrated celebrities. Don’t be shocked to learn that your favorite actor, actress, celebrity is NOT WHO YOU THOUGHT THEY WERE or ARE.

FALSE NAME - REAL NAME

Elton John - Reggie Dwight
Prince - Rogers Nelson, aka Roger Nelson
Eminem - Slim Shady
Madonna - Louise Cicciolina
Charlie Sheen - Carlos Irwin Estevez
Bono - Paul Hewson
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar - Cassius Clay
Alan Alda - Alphonse d'Abruzzo
Boy George - Georgios Panaylotou
John Cleese - John Cheese
John Wayne - Marion Morrison
Jay Z - John Zelig
Bob Dylan - Thomas Dylan
Cary Grant - Archibald Leach
Cher - Cherilyn Sarkisian
Snoop Dogg - Cordazar Calvin Broadus
F. Scott Fitzgerald - Hector Elizondo
Bruce Willis - Barry Willis Frankenheimer
Stevie Wonder - Steveland Judkins
Nicolas Cage - Nicolas Scorsese
Ralph Lauren - Ralph Lipschitz
Morris the cat - Buttercup the cat
Anna Nicole Smith - Vickie Lynn Hogan
Alice Cooper - William Bailey
John Cougar Mellencamp - Bluff Coogan
Michael Jordan - Mike Jordan
John Travolta - Vladimir Illyich Travolta
Paris Hilton - Marissa Stumph
Gloria Estefan - Gloria Fajardo
Lee Marvin - Marvin Lee
50 Cent - Victor Augustus Cent
Englebert Humperdinck - George Dorsey
Talia Shire - Talia Scorsese
Tupac Shakur - Lesane Parish Crooks
John Wayne Gacy - Marion Morrison Gacy
Lisa Bonet - Lisa Boney
Rip Torn - Jeffrey (Rip) Torn
Zsa Zsa Gabor - Eva Gabor
Whoopi Goldberg - Natalie Goldberg
Julia Louis Dreyfuss - Angmar Carabiner
Vanilla Ice - Robert (Rip) Van Winkle
Tom Cruise - Thomas Cruise Mapother IV
Marilyn Monroe - Norma Rae
Sinbad - David Adkins
Holland Oates - Daryl Hall and John Oates