The History of Americans in America

Over half of Americans believe they know nearly three-quarters of what there is to know about American history simply because they are Americans. But nearly 30% of that half is wrong! That’s right, 6 out of 10 Americans display a woeful grasp of the history of their own, admittedly great nation.

In the interest of furthering the accumulated knowledge and lore of American history and beyond, we present to you the Very Little Known History of Americans in America.


Thirteen Original Colonies, One Outstanding Colonial

Have you ever wondered who invented the kite, eyeglasses, the Post Office and the almanac? Here’s a hint—it wasn’t Thomas Edison.

If the American Colonies had had celebrities back in the days before colonies had such things, it’s a good bet that Benjamin Franklin would have had that celebrated standing--had he wanted it. How many people before or since have matched his performance? Few indeed. Very few indeed. He was a Renaissance man before the Renaissance.

Ben Franklin composed his own epitaph when he was 22 years old. In it he recounted a life of devoted service to God, community, and country. He highlighted his ambassadorship to France, signing the Declaration of Independence, and inventing the wood stove and the postal stamp. He omitted his vice-presidency and the many mestizo children he fathered with a black slave. Of course, this was all the more amazing since none of it had even happened yet!


The Revolutionary War: Not Just for Boys Any More

Many women served the cause of liberty and Americanism during the Revolutionary War of 1812. Best known was Mary Rutherford Hayes, nicknamed "Molly Pitcher." During the Battle of Monmouth she took over a cannon after her husband was wounded and continued to “pitch” cannonballs at the advancing British. After the battle she was arrested by the victorious British forces and charged with “barbarically and against the Order of Nature violently attacking and savaging many Officers and Men of His Majesty’s Armed Forces.” The redcoats gave her a new nickname—“Molly Hatchet”—and wrote a bawdy song about her exploits. A sanitized version of the song later became the popular ditty “Yankee Doodle.”


African-American Americans

Many African-Americans also contributed to American history in many diverse ways.


Edgar Allen Poe: The First Goth

The first American to write a novel or poem that anyone still bothers to read nowadays was Edgar Allen Poe. His classic sonnet The Raven and his eerie stories The Tattle-Tale Heart, The Legend of Sleepy Hollow and The Monkey's Paw have become iconic pieces of Halloween literature.

Edgar Allen Poe never achieved success in his own lifetime. He worked a number of jobs to get by including toll collector, hospital orderly, and Secretary of War for the state of Maryland. He died at the tragic age of 82 from bad shellfish. His influence is still felt today, however, through the contributions of his namesake, vaunted NBA All-Star Allen Iverson.


World War I: Lucky Lindy and Unlucky Amelia

America’s unilateral victory over the old European powers in the War to End All Wars ushered in a golden age of aviation, something that the three Wright brothers could have only dreamt of as they made their first flight from Kitty Hawk, North Carolina back to their bicycle shop in Ohio.

Foremost amongst these pioneers of the wild blue-sky yonder were Charles Lindbergh and Amelia Earhart. A friendly arch-rivalry quickly developed between these two flypersons. Lindbergh became the first man to fly through the St. Louis arch, first to fly across the county in a plane without a windshield, and the first to fly solo across the Atlantic. Amelia was the first woman to fly an airplane without a male co-pilot or “chaperone.” Her attempt to become the first pilot (male or female) to circumnavigate the globe (i.e. the Earth) met with dismal failure as her flight vanished off radar near the island of Bermuda. Some say her disappearance was related to organizing the first pilot's union. Other say it was revenge for her hypothetical role in the kidnapping of Lindbergh's baby son Lindy. In any case, the mystery of her doomed flight was never investigated by any government agency including the FAA, or Federal Aviation Administration, which did not yet exist.


Aunt Miltie in the Age of Television

Although men acting in drag was a staple of the Shakespearean theater, Milton Berle was the first man to play a transvestite on television. His courage made future characters such as Corporal Klinger, Monty Python’s Flying Circus, and Rosanne Barr possible. On Sunday evenings, people would rush home from church to hear his popular catchphrases, “Holy Baloney!” and “I coulda had a V-8!”

Rumors abounded concerning Milton’s massive “endowment.” Of course he did nothing to discourage this scuttlebutt about his alleged manhood since it boosted his ratings enormously. So, you might ask, how big was Milton Berle’s penis? According to autopsy records, Milton Berle’s penis was 5.3 inches long. (Back then, that was a lot!)


Conclusion

In summation, where would America be today without the contributions of so many valuable Americans? The answer is: no one knows. But if there's one thing we all can agree on, surely it's that the history of America is the greatest nation on Earth. As Yakov Smirnoff, heir to the Smirnoff vodka family fortune, famously said, "What a country!"

Think about it.

The Facts Speak for Themselves

In a world of uncertainty and impending chaos, sometimes the Facts of Life are all we have left to hold on to.

• Elephants sneeze through their mouths, not their trunks.

• The first customer of the Federal Witness Protection Program was none other than notorious gangster Al Capone.

• The word darling is a variant of the Arabic darjeeling, a term of endearment that literally means, "the foreskin of a camel."

• FRED AND GINGER: Produced in the strict Hayes Code era, Singing in the Rain was the first Hollywood musical with no dance numbers. Hence the name!

• What do they call Venetian blinds in Venice? They call them "Persian blinds."

• HORSE SENSE: Racehorse jockeys are the only athletes allowed to bet against themselves.

• Rhode Island has the largest population per capita of any state on the Eastern Seaboard.

• EVERY WONDER WHAT R&B STANDS FOR? Have you ever seen popular singer Aaron Neville of the Neville Brothers and wondered what that big thing on his face was? It's a goiter.

Revealed: Real Names of Famous Celebrities

Would you allow your daughter to date successful musician Chaim Witz? What about rocker Gene Simmons?

Would you buy real estate from Domingo Tancredo Suarez? How about Donald Trump?

Would you vote for Hillary Clinton, or maybe throw your support behind Hillary Rodham Clinton?

What if I told you that these were the same people?

Celebrities often change their real names for PR and legal reasons. Don’t try looking up Sting in the United Kingdom phone book, but you just might find a listing for Gordon Sumner. And what about Bjork? What kind of name is that? The kind of name you take if your REAL name is Bjork Gudmundsdottir.

Our crack research department here at Very Little Known Facts has tracked down the real names of many of our most famous, celebrated celebrities. Don’t be shocked to learn that your favorite actor, actress, celebrity is NOT WHO YOU THOUGHT THEY WERE or ARE.

FALSE NAME - REAL NAME

Elton John - Reggie Dwight
Prince - Rogers Nelson, aka Roger Nelson
Eminem - Slim Shady
Madonna - Louise Cicciolina
Charlie Sheen - Carlos Irwin Estevez
Bono - Paul Hewson
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar - Cassius Clay
Alan Alda - Alphonse d'Abruzzo
Boy George - Georgios Panaylotou
John Cleese - John Cheese
John Wayne - Marion Morrison
Jay Z - John Zelig
Bob Dylan - Thomas Dylan
Cary Grant - Archibald Leach
Cher - Cherilyn Sarkisian
Snoop Dogg - Cordazar Calvin Broadus
F. Scott Fitzgerald - Hector Elizondo
Bruce Willis - Barry Willis Frankenheimer
Stevie Wonder - Steveland Judkins
Nicolas Cage - Nicolas Scorsese
Ralph Lauren - Ralph Lipschitz
Morris the cat - Buttercup the cat
Anna Nicole Smith - Vickie Lynn Hogan
Alice Cooper - William Bailey
John Cougar Mellencamp - Bluff Coogan
Michael Jordan - Mike Jordan
John Travolta - Vladimir Illyich Travolta
Paris Hilton - Marissa Stumph
Gloria Estefan - Gloria Fajardo
Lee Marvin - Marvin Lee
50 Cent - Victor Augustus Cent
Englebert Humperdinck - George Dorsey
Talia Shire - Talia Scorsese
Tupac Shakur - Lesane Parish Crooks
John Wayne Gacy - Marion Morrison Gacy
Lisa Bonet - Lisa Boney
Rip Torn - Jeffrey (Rip) Torn
Zsa Zsa Gabor - Eva Gabor
Whoopi Goldberg - Natalie Goldberg
Julia Louis Dreyfuss - Angmar Carabiner
Vanilla Ice - Robert (Rip) Van Winkle
Tom Cruise - Thomas Cruise Mapother IV
Marilyn Monroe - Norma Rae
Sinbad - David Adkins
Holland Oates - Daryl Hall and John Oates

Black History Month: Black Inventors and Black Inventions

This week we celebrate Black History Month here at Very Little Known Facts. This truly is the time when we look back at the important contributions that African-Americans have made, continue to make, and will undoubtably continually persist in making throughout the future.

Black history is, of course, an integral part of American history--just because there is a separate month to celebrate it does not mean that it is not equal to other histories. Where would we as a nation be without black culture, black literature, black music, and (ethnically) black humor? But what many people don't know is the contributions black inventors made by contributing their inventions to the world of inventions that exist. Read on and join our celebration because--and this is no longer a Very Little Known Fact--February is Black History month.

• RING FOR SERVICE: The late 19th century was an exciting and innovative time in America. Great social and technological upheavals were afoot; new, never-before-dreamt-of possibilities seemed to spring up everywhere across the newly re-united nation. Miriam Benjamin, a young schoolteacher from Washington, D.C., thought of a novel way to call for service at the touch of a button—literally. She applied for a patent for an invention she called the Gong and Signal Chair for Hotels, envisioning it as a way to summons such amenities as room service without leaving the comfort of a fireside seat. Later incarnations of her innovation would be used in the House of Representatives and as call buttons on airplanes. On July 7, 1888, Miriam became only the second black woman to receive a patent from the United States government.

• HAVE A SEAT: Nathaniel Alexander Re-invented the folding chair.

• WHO WAS JENNY? Railroads were dangerous back in the day. Andrew Jackson Beard, a black man and former slave named for a slave-owning president, was working as a yardy when an over-zealous driver crushed his leg between two railroad cars. The leg eventually had to be amputated. Attempting to create something positive out of his disability, Andrew worked hard to invent a new, safer way to join or “couple” railroad cars together. His invention, the Jenny Coupler, revolutionized the railcar coupling industry and saved many lives and limbs. He received a U.S. patent for the Jenny Coupler in 1897.

• Sarah Boone re-invented the ironing board.

• WHAT’S COOKING? CHEMISTRY! Lloyd Augustus Hall was an African-American chemist who made many groundbreaking contributions to the food chemistry industry. He invented the method of encasing of sodium nitrate and nitrite in crystals for preservation purposes. He pioneered the use of such popular ingredients as lecithin, propyl gallate, and ascorbyl palmite, as well as various protein hydrolysats. Hall even sterilized spices with ethylenoxide gas, an insecticide.

• William J. Ballow invented a combined hat rack and table in 1898.
  

• Jack Johnson was the first black heavyweight boxing champion of the world from 1908 to 1915. He was vilified, persecuted, and at one point arrested for his two marriages to Caucasian women. Eventually he fled the country. Jack Johnson also patented a wrench on April 18, 1922.

• JUST IN TIME FOR VALENTINE’S DAY: John Lee Love re-invented the pencil sharpener. He dubbed it the "Love Sharpener."

• Lonnie Johnson worked for the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena, California, the Strategic Air Command, the Air Force, and NASA. He earned several degrees in nuclear physics and rocket science. He worked on the Galileo Mission to Jupiter, the Stealth Bomber, and invented the Super Soaker® squirt gun.

• GET PHYSICAL: Kevin Woolfolk patented "The Hamster Workout Wheel,” a device that records your pet rodent’s exercise.

Warning: Inaccurate Fact Alert

Well, it looks like the corporate fact-checkers over at McDonald's have let another wildly inaccurate "fact" slip through. Look carefully at the Happy Meal packaging found by Flickr user Frauenfelder (link) and you will see the following:

You can jump 6 times higher in space!

Obviously, they are talking about the Moon, since everybody knows that in space you can't jump at all. On the Moon, however, you can jump six times your own height.

So remember, faithful readers, never trust anything on the Internet. And never get your science facts from fast-food packaging.

And That's a Fact!

• Like ants, cats are able to carry loads equivalent to forty times their own mass, but they do so only under duress.

• Were it not for mountains, rivers, and paved roads, a single kudzu plant would grow to cover the entire land mass of North America in a year.

• WHO WEARS SHORT SHORTS? Dr. Benjamin Nair invented the first depilatory cream in 1972. He also invented the auto-return tape deck and the broiler.

• PLEASE RECYCLE: You should never recharge a cellular mobile telephone until the battery is completely drained. “Overcharging” builds up over time and can lead to poor performance, dropped calls, and even danger.

• Orson Welles, director of Citizen Kane, The Third Man and Rosebud, delivered the famous War of the Worlds radio broadcast in 1939 from his book of the same name. He went on to write 1984 and Animal Farm.

• LIKE SMOKE SIGNALS: During the Cold War, written communications to Allied spies behind the Iron Curtain in Poland, Russia, and North Korea were encoded in a pictorial font based on the Navajo language. Today that font is found on all Windows computers—it’s called Wingdings!

• Lingerie is French for loiterer, which has the same Latin root as the word prostitute.

• ADULT SITUATIONS: Everyone knows you can’t show full frontal nudity on broadcast television. You can, however, show the side of a woman’s breast as long as the nipple is not visible. Similarly, you can show the side of a man’s penis as long as the corona is hidden or blurred.

• Denver is the highest city in the world based on population.

Cold and Flu Season: Myths, Facts, and Legends

Even in the so-called Information Age, it is increasingly hard to get the straight facts on colds and the flu. I mean, what is the difference between a cold and the flu? What are the symptoms? What is the best treatment? While Science struggles to find answers to these rhetorical questions, we here at Very Little Known Facts have taken it upon ourselves to get down to the root of the matter and expose some common fallacies regarding this least festive of seasons.


Myth: Standing outside in the cold with wet hair will make you sick.

Fact: It is a scientifically and medically proven fact that standing outside in the cold while dripping wet does not cause colds. Colds are caused by viruses.


Legend: Over-the-counter medicines may make you more likely to get sick.

Fact: There is some truth to this. Contac is the only medicine proven to cure the common cold due to its patented time-released capsules.


Myth: A whiskey a day keeps the doctor away.

Fact: Alcoholism is a serious medical condition. Check with your insurance carrier before seeking treatment.


Legend: You cannot get sick from a flu shot.

Fact: The flu vaccine is created from a “killed” virus, so you cannot get the flu from a flu shot. However, since the injection causes soreness and an immuno-response reaction, the lack of competition creates a “window” for the cold bacteria to exploit. Remember not to get a flu shot if you have a fever, if you are allergic to eggs, peanuts, ragweed, pets or pollen, if you are pregnant or trying to become pregnant, or if you have certain immune disorders such as AIDS. Women who are breastfeeding may experience some sexual side effects from the flu vaccine, but this is normal.


Myth: Flu can upset your stomach.

Fact: Flu will never make you feel sick to your stomach. Vomiting is a sign of a much more serious ailment. Possibly cancer. See your physician immediately at the first sign of stomach discomfort (unless you just don’t want to know).


Legend: Vitamin C aids your immune system.

Fact: Experts disagree over whether humans should attempt to “help” their own immune system, or if they should simply pray and leave the decision to whatever higher power you may or may not believe in.


Myth: Herbal treatments such as echinacea and zinc will cure both colds and the flu.

Fact: This is true. Be sure to tell everyone you know about echinacea, “Nature’s Wonder Herb.” Your sick friends will appreciate the helpful advice.


Legend: Antibiotics will not help cure the flu.

Fact: Science has yet to cure the common cold, but some say that antibiotics, due to their healing chemicals, can be part of an effective regimen to fight the flu. Consult your physician for more information—but be sure to call ahead, preferably several weeks before you get sick since many doctors have a backlog of patients this time of year.


Myth: Chicken soup makes you feel better if you’re sick.

Fact: Chicken soup contains prodigious amounts of sodium, which leeches water from your body, leading to dehydration and eventual death. Be sure to remember the old adage, “Feed a cold, starve a fever.” NEVER let someone with a fever try to eat.


Legend: The winter months are also known as Cold and Flu season.

Fact: More colds occur in the winter months because people are more likely to stay indoors in cramped quarters with recirculated air, thus spreading the cold virus. Therefore, you can PREVENT colds by standing outside in the cold while dripping wet. It's the healthiest thing you can do in the winter! As a general rule, the colder it is, the more time you should spend standing outside in the cold because more of your colleagues are going to be incubating all those nasty viruses inside.


Conclusion

In conclusion, the best way to avoid colds and the flue is to stay healthy throughout the Winter months, also known as Cold and Flu Season. Perhaps the most novel option is to join the Polar Bear Club, a group of “crazy” folks who dive into freezing-cold water in the winter. But if cold water boosts your immune system and you can’t catch a cold or the flu outside, then who’s crazy now?

Someone’s in the Kitchen with Facts!

What's that smell? Why, it must be Very Little Known Facts whipping up a piping hot batch of knowledge!

• Knife Sharpening is a required course in every major culinary school on the East Coast. With a nod to centuries of French culinary tradition, students receive a special badge upon successful completion of the course.

• Whoops! A tomato is not a vegetable. In fact, it was dumbly never categorized as anything!

• The burner rings on natural gas stovetops were originally designed to dry glasses in busy restaurants. In fact, the German term Gasofenring literally translates as “nature's drying rack.”

• Forbes magazine recently voted the electric can opener as the single most ingenious time-saving invention of the twentieth century. They cited many noteworthy innovations including ease of use, reliability, and the magnet that makes manual lid removal "a thing of the past."

• On a related note: So-called “Next Generation” electric can openers open cans from the side, leaving no sharp edges. Safety experts estimate that over 80,000 Americans visit the Emergency Room each year with can-related injuries. (This total includes family, friends, and loved ones.)

• Planning for a party? Sandwiches make for great finger food!!!

• Now that’s Italian! The Sicilian method of cooking pasta involves boiling it inside a clear tube. Traditionally the tube is made of glass, but newer models incorporate space-age plastics.

Very Little Known Facts about 2007: Year in Review

January: Due to the events of September 11, 2001, rock-and-roll mecca and Lower-East Side rathole CBGBs closes after nearly a hundred years in business. Controversial Danish cartoons such as Doonesbury and For Better or For Worse featuring images of the prophet Mohammed ignite riots and protests in the Islamic world. In response, Israel invades Lebanon.

February: The Winter Olympics in Canada or somewhere like that introduce the world to the wild sport of curling, never before seen by television audiences. The Vice President of the United States of America shoots a man in the face. The victim apologizes. James Fray reveals that his novel The Corrections was not, in fact, about Oprah Winfrey.

March: Tom Cruise brings shame and discredit to the public image of Scientology by marrying Suri, the daughter of actress Katie Holmes. President Bush admits that some phone calls inside the United States were recorded by the National Security Administration (NASA), but only for quality control purposes.

April: Sources asking to remain anonymous to protect their identities reveal to news agencies that celebrity Lindsay Lohan is upset. Record temperatures due to greenhouse gases caused by climate change lead some scientists to postulate a "Global Warming" theorem. (En Español, “El Niño.”)

May: Federal Reserve Board Chairman Alan Greenspan resigns during the Jack Abramoff scandal. North Korea warns of "dire consequences" if it does not get more attention. Protestors including both immigrants and non-immigrants march in several metropolitan areas—some with concerns, many with demands. In response, Israel invades Lebanon.

June: International financier and yachtsman Adnan Khashoggi celebrates his 59th birthday. Rising gas prices lead Americans to consider radical new concepts such as alternate energy sources and fuel-efficient vehicles. The prime time Victoria’s Secret fashion show proves to Americans that lingerie can be sexy.

July: British, Scottish, English, Welsh, Northern Irish, and United Kingdom security forces foil a terrorist plot to blow up the Concorde with an explosive concoction of 4 oz. travel-sized shampoos. Former CEO of Enron Kenneth Lay dies of guilt. The Tour de France is canceled due to steroid use.

August: Beloved newspersonality Katie Couric takes over Andy Rooney’s segment on 20/20. Scientists discover that Pluto is not old enough to be a planet. An NPR interview with Henry Kissinger reveals the news that Henry Kissinger is still alive.

September: Using polonium, a radioactive element distilled from uranium-232, North Korean scientists detonated a small nuclear device. Despite attempts to mask the tell-tale “mushroom” cloud by testing the bomb underground, the explosion triggers a small tsunami that hits the northern Japanese island of Taiwan, also known as Szechuan. Crocodile and alligator hunter Steve Irwin dies under mysterious circumstances.

October: One year after Katrina devastated much of the Gulf Coast of Louisiana, Mississippi and Florida, the Superdome reopens for New Orleans Saints football games and as a shelter for those displaced by the hurricane. A former Russian spy dies from radiation poisoning, possibly from eating the lethal fugu fish at a London sushi establishment. Hewlett-Packard Chairwoman Patricia Dunn resigns amidst the growing spy scandal. Madonna fights Angelina Jolie in a custody battle for adopted African children.

November: Senator George Allen of Virginia, the grandson of the comic couple George Burns and Gracie Allen, loses his re-election bid after referring to an ethnic campaign worker as Macaca. He later issues a correction saying he intended to reference Whiplash the rodeo monkey. The Reverend Ted Haggard, cousin of country crooner Merle Haggard, claims he never intended to inhale the crystal meth he bought from his gay prostitute lover.

December: The Seattle-Tacoma airport cancels Christmas due to a possible conflict with the Holiday Season. Paris Hilton makes headlines the world over due to her continuing celebrity. The release of the controversial Playstation 3 sparks robberies, murders, and riots. In response, Israel invades Lebanon.

Very Little Known Facts about 2007: Top Ten Web Searches

As part of our week-long Year-In-Review series, today we look back at the top web searches of 2007. And what a year it has been! Former President Gerald Ford became the 3,000th American to die (indirectly) as a result of the war in Iraq, gas prices rose, and Britney Spears had a baby without wearing any underwear. How can anyone possible be expected to keep up with all this?

On the Internets, of course. Google, Yahoo, AOL, Linux, and MSN all keep track of the most popular searches--and you would be surprised by how many feature prominent results from articles posted in Very Little Known Facts. Check out just two of the Top Ten lists:


Top Ten Science Searches

1. mixing different types of alcohol
2. moon base
3. remove impurities crystal meth
4. facts about geranyl acetate
5. Atkins diet
6. WHERE DOES LANGOUSTINOS COME FROM
7. bird flu
8. stem cells
9. +"light bulb" +inside +danger +toxic
10. old fashion time hospital odor smell remove +vanilla

Top Ten Pop Culture Searches

1. Paris Hilton
2. christian bale muscle
3. the alligator hunter steve irwin
4. Iraq
5. "first band to sample"
6. Perez Hilton
7. Playstation 3
8. Ludacris Chris Bridges is gay
9. Pamela Anderson
10. MySpace

So remember, whether you need to know if rapper Chris Bridges, aka Ludacris, is gay (he is) or if you just need to find out how to remove the impurities from crystal meth, Very Little Known Facts can be your one source for hard-to-find information on this crazy superhighway we call the world-wide internets.

Merry Holidays!

Merry Christmas to us, one and all! Of course we all know that the Reason for the Season is the Holidays, but what about some Holiday History? Well, what about it?

• The word holiday is derived from the Roman, meaning "A day in the Holiday Season."

• The first Christmas was celebrated in December of 224 AD. December was chosen, of course, not because of Jesus's birthday (which was in March) but to replace the pagan holiday of Saturnalia, the feast of the Vernal (Autumn) Equinox.

• GOD REST YE MERRY GENTLEMEN: Santa Claus, aka Jolly Old Saint Nick, was originally St. Nicholas. This 6th century Irish monk was also the inspiration for St. Patrick's day when he illegally brought 17 snakes to Ireland. This was the first recorded instance of snake handling, and according to some, the origin of the term "Secret Santa."

• Christmas was not celebrated in the years 1629,1630, or 1704 by Decree of Law.

• MARCO... The first Christmas presents were of course gold, frankincense, and myrrh, which is Roman for "the sea." However, gift-giving did not become a Christmas tradition until the 18th century when adventurer Marco Polo brought back Persian rugs from Iraq and exotic spices from the West Indies.

• Americans spend more money on Christmas gifts each year than the rest of the world spends on food.

• SHALOM! Menorah means "the festival of lights" in Jewish. Every year Orthodox Jews gather to eat, drink, and celebrate the liberation of the Jewish ghetto in Prague by the Golem. Hannukah, or Channukah, or Shannukah, is the third-highest religious holiday of the year after Ross Hashanana and the Jewish New Year, which is also the Lunar or Chinese New Year.

• Kwanzaa is also a holiday of some note.

• A MAJOR ACTOR: If a recent survey is to be believed, 53% of Americans prefer Brian Dennehy in the role of Santa Claus, even though he has never played it in a movie or TV show.

• There is no such animal as a "reindeer."

Isn't It Just Like Life?

In this season of holidays that some like to call the Holiday Season (while others prefer the old-fashioned X-Mas moniker), often we are too hurly-burly going about the hustle and bustle of our ho-hum days. Take a moment to stop, think, and even breathe in the air. After all, this is your entire life.


AWARENESS: Life is like a long walk on the beach. For every beautiful sight you see, you hear something too.

WISDOM: You've got to learn a lot about the different kinds of paint before you can even pick up a brush to start painting a room. And I mean A LOT.

PROACTIVITY: Sleeping in may sound like a good idea, but don't you have stuff to do? No? Okay, whatever.

GETTING AHEAD: "I'm only happy when I'm winning," said the man. But was he winning? I guess that's what it all comes down to in the end.

THOROUGHNESS: Sometimes, no matter how many channels you have on digital cable tv, it seems like there's nothing on. But hold on a sec--maybe you missed something.

MUSIC: They say that music is the language of kings.

A NEW WAY OF THINKING: One of the best things about attaining your goals is that it may give you confidence.

ADVERSITY: Rockets are a bit like life. They blast into space, and they never come back.

BE PREPARED: Don't leave a cake out on the table or the dog will get into it. Unless you don't have a dog. Or if your dog is very short, then the table would probably be fine.

ADVICE: If you're feeling poorly, count on a neighbor or a friend to give you some little nugget of medical wisdom--totally free, completely unsolicited, and often erroneous or even dangerously wrong.

UPS AND DOWNS: Hesitate for just an instant and you've missed that parking space. Wait, isn't that one over by the carts? Right up front? No, that's handicapped.

PERSEVERANCE: You know that pen is almost out of ink, but you put it back in the drawer anyway. Are you trying not to be wasteful? Who knows.

IT HAPPENS EVERY TIME: Right when you sit down to eat a piece of pizza, you realize that you have forgotten your fork.

Search of the Week: December 15

Every single week of the year we bring you, the reader, one very special VLKF visitor who found our site through a popular search engine. This week's search came from the ubiquitous Google-brand search engine, where we ranked number 7 out of 130,000 results for the following query:

christian bale muscle

Not too shabby! Perhaps we need a follow-up piece on this subject.

Oddly, though, as you can see from the screenshot, this search came from Google Australia. One would think that an Aussie might be more interested in Steve Irwin or Mel Gibson. Well, you live and you learn. Thanks for the visit, mate!

One of These Days, Alice...

The Moon has been around for thousands of years, but mankind has only visited it twice. Now it's time we moved in. NASA has just announced a new, ambitious plan to establish a base on the Moon.

We on truly lucky to live on the only planet with a moon. (CAUTION: Be careful, though--it causes tsumanis!) Over the decades, the Moon has come to be associated with love, longing, mental illness, the menstrual cycle, astronomy, tides, and eclipses. How much do you really know about the Earth's moon, which is popularly known as The Moon? Are you a Moonie? Here are some fun new facts about our closest neighbor in the galaxy.

• THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS GREEN CHEESE! The Moon appears green because of its high copper content.

• The Moon is the closest planet to the Earth except for Pluto, which is no longer a planet. At its closest point in orbit (apogee), the Moon is only five miles from the Earth's atmosphere. This is what astronomers call a "Harvest Moon."

• WANT TO LOSE SOME WEIGHT? Due to the low specific gravity of the Moon, you would only weigh 12 pounds if you lived on the new Moonbase.

• Pound for pound, moonrocks are more valuable than gold, cocaine, or Picassos.

• I WANT TO BELIEVE: Some say that man has not actually walked on the Moon. This "conspiracy theorum" was popularized again by the Jim Carrey song, "The Old Man in the Moon" from the hit movie of the same name. Were the Moon astronauts really robots or monkeys? No, they were not. Robots were not invented until 1979, and monkeys would pee in their spacesuits, ruining the delicate electronics.

• The Space program has brought back benefits to this planet on which we all live and breath. I'm talking, of course, about the Earth. Some of the "fringe" benefits of NASA include:
• improved solar cells
• freeze-dried ice cream
• kidney dialysis
• speakerphones
• HEPA filters
• CAT scans
• space heaters
• vacuum sealing
• instant coffee
• IMAX
• jello
• concentrated orange juice
• low-interest student loans
• zero-gravity pens
• audiobooks

VLKF Celebrates Gay Rappers

We here at Very Little Known Facts are celebrating the First Annual Hip-Hop Coming Out Week. Congratulations to Eminem, DMX, and Atlanta’s own Ludacris for bravely taking a stand for their own homosexuality through their rap lyrics. Kudos, guys!

Of course, the hip-hop industry is famously homophobic. Rappers who have tentatively hinted at their sexual persuasion in the past have been eliminated—either medically in the case of Eric Lynn Wright (Eazy-E), violently in the case of Christopher Wallace (Notorious B.I.G.), or simply humiliated in the case of Robert Van Winkle.

Naturally, then, popular rappers cannot literally come out of the closet. To do so would imperil not only their careers and their reputations (a.k.a. “street cred”) but also their very lives. No, they must show their gay pride through their primary means of communication—their lyrics.


Up in Here lyrics by Earl Simmons (DMX)

Y'all gon' make me lose my mind
up in HERE, up in here
Y'all gon' make me go all out
up in here, up in here
Y'all gon' make me act a FOOL
up in HERE, up in here
Y'all gon' make me lose my cool
up in here, up in here
If I gotsta bring it to you cowards then it's gonna be quick, a’ight
All your mens up in the jail before, suck my dick

Here we see spelled out before us the mental anguish that rapper DMX feels as he is torn between his “unnatural” desires and the role society expects him to play as a successful hip-hop personality. The internal conflict seems to be pushing him to the brink of insanity. Faced with this untenable situation, DMX has resorted to calling on ex-cons to fellate him.

Now, as we all know, in prison the rules are different. However, last I checked, DMX was a free man—a free man soliciting oral sex from other men. But that’s not his only lyric on the subject. Consider this exerpt:

Y'all niggaz remind me of a strip club
Cause every time you come around
It's like I just gotta get my dick sucked.

A courageous stance to take in such a public forum. Indeed.


Rock and a Hard Place lyrics by Christopher Bridges, a.k.a. Ludacris

Yeah yeah
It's an everyday stuggle
Trying to get out
Trying to get out

Here we see Chris baring the strife inside his very soul. Should he come out of the closet? A hard decision to make. For further ruminations on the subject, “check out” the chorus:

I try to find a way outta this maze
It's got me crazed I'm in a daze
So many ways to boost into a different phase
But I can't think, I can't do nothing
You think I'm fronting
You hear me grunting
Lord you ain't even saying nuttin’.

Powerful stuff. We hope that Mr. Bridges will employ the proper protection while "grunting" with his "partner." Safety first.


Cleanin’ Out My Closet lyrics by the Caucasian rap artist Marshall Mathers or Eminem

Have you ever been hated, or discriminated against?
I have, I've been protested and demonstrated against.

I got some skeletons in my closet
And I don't know if no one knows it
So before they throw me inside my coffin and close it
Imma expose it, I'll take you back to '73
Before I ever had a multi-platinum sellin' CD
I was a baby maybe I was just a couple of months
My faggot father must have had his panties up in a bunch.

How much plainer can this be? Need we also remind you that he penned a song called Suck My Dick? Eminem is gay.


Conclusion

In conclusion, there is room on this beautiful planet for rappers of all races, creeds, and even sexual perversions—as long as they “got skills,” but especially if they “got mad skills.”

Which Came First, the Rhino or the Chicken?

This age-old question has haunted mankind ever since Charles Darwin published his semenal work The Original Species several years ago. Perhaps some of these Very Little Known Facts can shed new light on a very old, very controversial problem.

• The longest recorded flight of a domesticated chicken was 13 seconds. The chicken in question flew 1.2 miles.

• FANCY FOOD: The restaurant "Po Folks" was named after the European river Po which flowed serenely through the land that the founders of that fine dining establishment called home. Eventually the name was shortened to "Folks," and finally changed to "Denny's."

• Rhinos lay the largest eggs of any reptile since the Golden Age of the Dinosaurs.

• DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING: It is unlawful for a blind person to testify in court as a witness.

• BE CAREFUL: On average, up to 1,000 people choke to death on ball-point pens every year. In Florida, the number is even higher!

• Al Capone's business card said that he was a used furniture dealer. Ironically, this was his profession from the time he was paroled in 1957 until, tragically, he died from old age in 1980.

• NOBODY MOVE: To prevent population loss, the state of North Dakota fined its own citizens $350 to move out of state from 1961 to 1973. The money was then divided up amongst families who had moved to the state in that year. Native Americans were not eligible.

• The hit Paul Newman and Robert Redford movie Cool Hand Luke was based on Shakespeare's play The Tempest.

• ROCK OUT! Rock salt is not made from rocks. It is composed of pure sodium.
  

Film Reviews: The Importance of Being Earnest

This week’s movie review is The Importance of Being Earnest, directed by Oliver Parker.

To start with, I can’t help but feel that there is a great deal of confusion with this movie, which is also—apparently—a play? Dennis Littrell posited:

This is an inventive and artful production of Oscar Wilde's play, but I can confidently say that were Oscar Wilde alive today, he would be appalled at the misuse to which his play has been put. Indeed I think I feel the ground rumbling as he rolls over in his grave, and yes he is actually spinning in anguish.

Possibly. I mean, I didn’t know Oscar, but I don’t think that he ever thought his play would end up being yet another installation in the Ernest series, that lovable good-for-nuthin’ with the irresistable catchphrase, “Hey Vern!”

And it is an odd choice. To start with, the whole thing takes place in Great Britain, which was once part of England and now is part of the United Kingdom. And on top of that it is apparently a period piece since everybody in the movie wears fancy clothes and listens to Victrolas, hence the monicker “The Victorian Era.” Why a period piece, you might ask? An excellent question. Even the Police Academy series didn’t feel the need to go back in time. But maybe that’s just what the tired old genre needed, according to reviewer windspray:

Sounds like my unfamiliarity with Wilde's play and the previous version of this movie was to my advantage. After all I could view this movie based on its own merits without any other comparisons getting in the way.

This didn’t sit so well with T. Rendell, who titled his review The dumbing-down of Oscar Wilde:

Urgent memo to Oliver Parker: Oscar Wilde is not about slapstick.

The plot, though, is vintage Ernest T. Worrell nonsense. Amazon.com summed it up their review:

The Importance of Being Earnest stars Colin Firth as an English gentleman who pretends to be his own brother, named Ernest, so he can enjoy himself in the city without besmirching his reputation at his country estate. Unfortunately, he's just fallen in love with a young woman who insists that she can only marry a man named Ernest--and when Firth's best friend goes to Firth's country estate pretending to be this same brother Ernest, he falls in love with Firth's ward, who similarly feels that Ernest is the perfect name for a husband...

Earnest, which is apparently the British spelling of Ernest, is still the same old lovable scamp, but I have to say he has lost some of his old-fashioned pratfall humor. Probably because veteran comedian Jim Varney is hardly to be found. Is he even in this movie? Perhaps they couldn’t afford him. But in any case, it hardly matters. In the end, The Importance of Being Earnest still proves to be as important as any other movie in the Ernest series, as reviewer Katherine Brodsky points out:

What ensues further is a hilarious tale of mistaken identity.

Indeed, the further ensuance is hilarious indeed.

Now That's Wild!

For those of you waiting with unabated breath for the newest Very Little Known Facts, here they are!

• Red Ferraris are the fastest and most expensive cars in the world. Second fastest (and second most expensive) are red Lamborghinis.

• BELIEVE IT OR NOT: Some universities actually offer college credit for classes such as Underwater Basket Weaving, Ultimate Frisbee, and Human Sexuality!

• The popular dance craze known as “The Robot” actually started back in the good old Eighties. The dance was invented when bored teens performed herky-jerky, mechanical moves to hits by German techno bands such as Kraftwerk and Devo.

• The record for consecutive dangerous stunts is 6. Evil Knievel attempted to break this record in 1979, but he did not survive.

• Despite winning several Academy Awards, Whoopi Goldberg is not the “real” name of the popular actress who starred in The Color Purple, Jumpin’ Jack Flash, and Ghost.
  

• TOO BAD THINGS DIDN’T WORK OUT: The first Caucasian (white) rapper was Vanilla Ice.

• In Canada, different teams compete in a sport known as “curling” where they attempt to slide a heavy weight across ice. Some team members even use brooms in this “sport” that has made it all the way to the Olympics!

• THAT’S NO IGUANA: There is actually a breed of cat known as a Sphinx—maybe because it has no hair. None at all! But believe it or not, people have them as pets. Others claim to have "pet rocks."
  

• The Concorde, a passenger jet, flew so fast that it actually created a sonic boom once.

• REAL WILD: So-called “punk” rock-and-rollers shave all the hair off the sides of their head and then stand the remaining hair up into vertical spikes that form a long strip from their scalp to the nape of their neck. They call this hairdo a Mohawk after the river in New York. Dedicated punks may even dye this hair unnatural colors to celebrate their individuality.

Littlest Known Facts

Sometimes, even the littlest things in the universe are important. Where would we be without thimbles and screws, transistors and teeth, staples and car keys? We would not be in a good place, that's for sure. Even these Very Little Known Facts about the littlest things imaginable.

• FASTER THAN A MASERATI: A photon is a single atom of light. It travels through space at three times the speed of sound, but it is so small that it is completely invisible!

• The smallest person in the world is only eight years old.

• A single computer chip holds more information than the Library of Congress.

• The preposition is the smallest form of speech in English. In French, it's the conjunction.

• BIGGER THAN A BREADBOX: A singularity is defined by Physics as the spot where all the matter in the entire cosmos is compressed so much that it would all fit inside a classic VW Beetle. (Remember that the trunk of the VW is in the front of the car, not the back.)

• Japanese Banzai trees never grow more than six inches tall, even if you fertilize them!

• Ink is actually made up of hundreds of tiny pigment molecules that bind to paper and quickly dry. If one were to stack all the ink molecules in a Stephen King book on top of each other, the resulting tower would be 6 times taller than the book itself!

• SMALLER PLEASE: Bacteria are the smallest forms of life on Earth. But watch out--viruses are even smaller.

What Is a Hedge Fund?

In today’s ever-changing marketplace, it’s hard for the average investor to keep up with the “lingo.” Some investors don’t even know what the word “lingo” means! Is it a game show? Is it Australian? Who knows?

We here are VLKF Financial Services are here to help you, the potential investor, make savvy, risky, and safe decisions not only for your long-term financial goals and but also for your immediate gratification.

When the Dow Jones Industrial Index (NASDAQ) is down, people tend to bandy about the term “Hedge Fund” more and more. This is also true when the stock market is up. This might lead you to wonder, what exactly is a Hedge Fund, and how do I get in on this exciting once-in-a-lifetime opportunity? Here are some important things to remember.


1. Hedge Funds Are Not Mutual Funds. Although, technically, Hedge Funds are classified as Mutual Funds, there are at least six important differences. Keep this in mind.

2. Hedge Funds “hedge.” This is, of course, the main, pro-active impetus of the Hedge Fund archetype. This requires a contract stating protection against borrower fallout risk in the revenue-producing floor or ceiling, called a Qualified Financial Exchange. Practically speaking, this an offering. Stock is offered if financed analysis of principal-agent profits are at a minimum not necessarily between the two courses of action, either to buy or sell, never both. Execution of one between two things, such as the biter Stock issued the fallen angel. Abusive books are broken down into age of a customer, er, seller/buyer and Broker/analyst. In general, it means to increase brokerage bulk of trading business risks of a project. But that should be obvious, even to the layman. See: Ankle capitals (“The Caps”).

3. Don’t Put All Your Eggs In One Omelet. Many investors want to jump on the bandwagon and find the latest “hot” stock. Often, these tips come from unsolicited emails. Beware, novice investor! Although these tips are usually exciting opportunities to make easy money, you shouldn’t invest all your money in a single internet stock. Spread your money out amongst several. And remember—forwarding these offers to everyone in your email address book can only increase the chances of a big payoff. Share the wealth!

4. Don’t Go “Over the Hedge.” In the context of bonds, refers to the computed cost of shares in which the cost of the counterparty, the active covenant minus debits at the currency, political, and current level of the current market and current market price, is not paid. Like the old song says, “Shave and a Hotdog, Two Bits!”

5. Keep it Legal, Keep it Real. Now it’s time for the fine print. Don’t bother to read this section until the lawyers are beating your door down.

Exhibit A: Account Brokerage System (ABS) The system that records bids and times generates the Annualizing Test Ratio, also called a private life-of-loan interest rate. See: APS.

Exhibit B: A firm with negative trading transactions such as a leveraged U.S. government-sponsored articles of incorporation uses important, variable-rate, alternative market capitalization of less than $500 million. Phenylketoneurics: Contains phenylalanine.

Exhibit 3: Ahead on a limit order is the monthly basis we established on debt instruments, the Ginnie on its one-day bank collection float. Adverse options are fixed-income or cash basis accounting. Qualified or Performance Certificates issued from dividends on a monthly basis. (A portfolio should gain limited context in safekeeping.) Hey, you know, what the heck? You know what I’m saying? Any-or-all bid dealer in question, e.g. Volatility Phenomenon Agency theory. The effect of compounding is the effect of a transaction. Often used on a fundamental basis.

Exhibit D: The return (usually run over) returns and returns, calculated risk, an agent acts as intermediary. The seller would sell. This analysis is often seldom-used since the present value over the statement from an independent financial institution that measures the firm may levy a fee closest to the gain (.05^ - = general market.) Both indications lower the interest among major classes of futures contracts as well as calculating market (bid/ask) hours. For example, if the World must be mutual, the opposing centers are required to permit restrictions of Rule. Compare: six independent alphabetical categories provided some integrated volume from widely quoted balances. Sell the world.