Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Christian Bale Is More Ripped Than Brad Pitt

Of course Brad Pitt is ripped--you would have to be blind and schizophrenic to say otherwise. I mean, have you seen Fight Club? That guy is RIPPED. But when you stop to think it, and I mean really think about it, you will inevitably come to the conclusion that Brad Pitt, while undeniably ripped, is ripped in something of an obvious manner. Who instantly comes to mind when you picture the concept of “ripped?” Brad. Sure. But should you delve deeper into the essence of being ripped, I propose that there is one man who actually redefines the concept. And that man is none other than Christian Bale, star of American Psycho and Batman Begins. Have you seen American Psycho? Christian Bale is so ripped in that movie. He is super-ripped.

Can Just Anybody Become As Ripped As Christian Bale?

One of the key factors here is what trainers call muscle memory. See, any Joe Blow with a Gold's Gym membership and some protein shakes can achieve pectoral definition. It really is that easy. And please bear in mind that this takes nothing away from Brad Pitt, who set the bar high. The guy is ripped. Obviously. But did he lose a jaw-dropping 63 pounds? No, he did not. For his role in the psychological thriller The Machinist Christian Bale transformed himself from the Adonis of Manhood he portrayed in American Psycho to a skeletal freak. (Of course that's one way to get some definition! The hard way!)

What About Muscle Memory?

Now here is where muscle memory comes into play. Much like rechargeable batteries, mere "maintenance" of musculature leads to a gradual but inevitable decay in visible definition. Microbiologists tell us that muscle memory is a decay of the DNA replicatory process[es] at the mitochondrial level. For the layman: use it or lose it. If you use it, you will eventually lose it. But if you lose it all at once--like Christian Bale did, dropping 63 pounds in two months--and then build it back up as Christian Bale did for his seminal role in Batman Begins, you will (and this is crucial) become even more ripped than before. It just stands to reason, and it marks the complete triumph of young Christian's development not only as a bodybuilder but also as the archetypical specimen of manhood.

How Is Christian Bale So Ripped?

Secondly we come to muscle mass. Now first off let's dispel a common myth: muscle mass is not the same as muscle definition. I wish I had a nickel for every time I've heard the two confused. I seriously do wish that. Muscle mass is of course the aggregate substantive measure of innate and actuated (earned) muscle mass in the body. Muscle definition is visual appeal. If you are asking yourself, "If I divide the percentage body fat in this man by the aggregate (earned) mass minus previous (unearned) mass, what will the quotient yield?" then you are looking for muscle mass. However, if you find yourself wondering, "Does this man look ripped?" then muscle definition is what you seek.


So in conclusion, when you step back from the issue, when you compare and contrast, and when you search deep inside your soul, ask yourself this: "When I want to envision a man who is ripped beyond my wildest imaginings, who do I want to imagine?" If you answer Brad Pitt, there is no shame in that. But if you take that extra leap of faith and choose Christian Bale--well, my friend, I for one would call that Advanced.

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