Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Brad Pitt Is More Ripped Than Christian Bale

EDITOR'S NOTE: As part of our ongoing "Point/Anti-Point" series, we occasionally invite outside fact enthusiasts to provide the Anti-Point-Of-View. Here with a rebuttal to our recent post entitled Christian Bale Is More Ripped Than Brad Pitt is guest columnist Jason Hartley, curator of the Advanced Theory blog and volunteer proctor for disadvantaged longshoremen.

I'm the first person to tell you that Christian Bale is ripped. Anyone could see that. But more ripped than Brad Pitt? That's just batty, so if you think it's true, get ready to join my fight club. Here are three simple facts that prove that Pitt is more ripped:

  • Fact One: Bale is six feet tall while Brad Pitt is five foot eleven inches. This means that Bale has less mass in his abdominal muscles or "abs," which weakens his "core" (a term used to describe one's "center of gravity"). As I'm sure you know, the core is the place where all work emanates (e.g. W = F/d). Therefore, Pitt is stronger and by definition more ripped.

  • Fact Two: Pitt is more angular or "gaunt" than Bale, so the defining lines of his musculature are accentuated more clearly. Properly lighted, these accentuated lines make it possible to see every one of Pitt's 1,257 muscles clearly. Bale's lines are not as clear (weightlifters call this "Murky Muscles), and ipso facto cannot be more ripped than Pitt.

  • Fact Three: Pitt has a well-defined hip adductor, which is the muscle that you see running along his hip and into his groin area. This is so important that in the most recent judge's guide for the Mr. Universe competition (page 237, paragraph 2, rule 164.8a) it states that "of all the muscles, the adductor is the penultimate." And it is clear that Pitt's, not Bale's, adductor is the penultimate of them all. (Of course, being second to the penultimate is nothing to be ashamed about.)


In closing, one man's opinion about whether one man is more ripped than another man might not be worth much (even with the facts above), but no less of an authority as the Urban Dictionary agrees with me. Under "ripped," the definition is "well defined muscles" and the example given is, you guessed it, "Brad Pitt in Fight Club."


Soft n' Squishy said...

Hey Fact Doodz,

Last Tuesday, my friend Roy told me if I took a few bong hits with him I'd get totally ripped. I obliged and while I got a sweet mellow buzz going, I'm still as flabby as ever. What gives? Bale me out here!

Soft n' Squishy said...

P.S.: Being fat is the Pitts!

Jon Black and Britt Bergman said...

Soft n' squishy,

Thanks for your comment! Contrary to popular belief, achieving maximum muscle definition cannot be done with "a few" of anything. You would be better off with "a lot!" I mean, have you seen Brad Pitt? That guy is ripped, and let me tell you--it didn't happend overnight. Hang on to that "buzz" you get from exercise, that natural "high" that comes from what athletes call "Being In the Zone," referring of course to the popular diet craze. Thanks again for your comment!

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Jo Jo said...

You know they use ab-make up, don't you? It defines the muscles. Even for someone that doesn't have muscles they can make them look like the do. I'm thinking both guys are in good shape... but the movies Brad is in has more money to use more make up. =)

coffee said...

Brad Pitt has gotten noticably less-ripped since his Fight Club appearance