Monday, December 11, 2006

One of These Days, Alice...

The Moon has been around for thousands of years, but mankind has only visited it twice. Now it's time we moved in. NASA has just announced a new, ambitious plan to establish a base on the Moon.

We on truly lucky to live on the only planet with a moon. (CAUTION: Be careful, though--it causes tsumanis!) Over the decades, the Moon has come to be associated with love, longing, mental illness, the menstrual cycle, astronomy, tides, and eclipses. How much do you really know about the Earth's moon, which is popularly known as The Moon? Are you a Moonie? Here are some fun new facts about our closest neighbor in the galaxy.

  • THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS GREEN CHEESE! The Moon appears green because of its high copper content.
  • The Moon is the closest planet to the Earth except for Pluto, which is no longer a planet. At its closest point in orbit (apogee), the Moon is only five miles from the Earth's atmosphere. This is what astronomers call a "Harvest Moon."
  • WANT TO LOSE SOME WEIGHT? Due to the low specific gravity of the Moon, you would only weigh 12 pounds if you lived on the new Moonbase.
  • Pound for pound, moonrocks are more valuable than gold, cocaine, or Picassos.
  • I WANT TO BELIEVE: Some say that man has not actually walked on the Moon. This "conspiracy theorum" was popularized again by the Jim Carrey song, "The Old Man in the Moon" from the hit movie of the same name. Were the Moon astronauts really robots or monkeys? No, they were not. Robots were not invented until 1979, and monkeys would pee in their spacesuits, ruining the delicate electronics.
  • The Space program has brought back benefits to this planet on which we all live and breath. I'm talking, of course, about the Earth. Some of the "fringe" benefits of NASA include:
    • improved solar cells
    • freeze-dried ice cream
    • kidney dialysis
    • speakerphones
    • HEPA filters
    • CAT scans
    • space heaters
    • vacuum sealing
    • instant coffee
    • IMAX
    • jello
    • concentrated orange juice
    • low-interest student loans
    • zero-gravity pens
    • audiobooks

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