Sunday, December 10, 2006

VLKF Celebrates Gay Rappers

We here at Very Little Known Facts are celebrating the First Annual Hip-Hop Coming Out Week. Congratulations to Eminem, DMX, and Atlanta’s own Ludacris for bravely taking a stand for their own homosexuality through their rap lyrics. Kudos, guys!

Of course, the hip-hop industry is famously homophobic. Rappers who have tentatively hinted at their sexual persuasion in the past have been eliminated—either medically in the case of Eric Lynn Wright (Eazy-E), violently in the case of Christopher Wallace (Notorious B.I.G.), or simply humiliated in the case of Robert Van Winkle.

Naturally, then, popular rappers cannot literally come out of the closet. To do so would imperil not only their careers and their reputations (a.k.a. “street cred”) but also their very lives. No, they must show their gay pride through their primary means of communication—their lyrics.

Up in Here lyrics by Earl Simmons (DMX)

Y'all gon' make me lose my mind
up in HERE, up in here
Y'all gon' make me go all out
up in here, up in here
Y'all gon' make me act a FOOL
up in HERE, up in here
Y'all gon' make me lose my cool
up in here, up in here
If I gotsta bring it to you cowards then it's gonna be quick, a’ight
All your mens up in the jail before, suck my dick

Here we see spelled out before us the mental anguish that rapper DMX feels as he is torn between his “unnatural” desires and the role society expects him to play as a successful hip-hop personality. The internal conflict seems to be pushing him to the brink of insanity. Faced with this untenable situation, DMX has resorted to calling on ex-cons to fellate him.

Now, as we all know, in prison the rules are different. However, last I checked, DMX was a free man—a free man soliciting oral sex from other men. But that’s not his only lyric on the subject. Consider this exerpt:

Y'all niggaz remind me of a strip club

Cause every time you come around
It's like I just gotta get my dick sucked.

A courageous stance to take in such a public forum. Indeed.

Rock and a Hard Place lyrics by Christopher Bridges, a.k.a. Ludacris

Yeah yeah
It's an everyday stuggle
Trying to get out
Trying to get out

Here we see Chris baring the strife inside his very soul. Should he come out of the closet? A hard decision to make. For further ruminations on the subject, “check out” the chorus:

I try to find a way outta this maze
It's got me crazed I'm in a daze
So many ways to boost into a different phase
But I can't think, I can't do nothing
You think I'm fronting
You hear me grunting
Lord you ain't even saying nuttin’.

Powerful stuff. We hope that Mr. Bridges will employ the proper protection while "grunting" with his "partner." Safety first.

Cleanin’ Out My Closet lyrics by the Caucasian rap artist Marshall Mathers or Eminem

Have you ever been hated, or discriminated against?
I have, I've been protested and demonstrated against.

I got some skeletons in my closet
And I don't know if no one knows it
So before they throw me inside my coffin and close it
Imma expose it, I'll take you back to '73
Before I ever had a multi-platinum sellin' CD
I was a baby maybe I was just a couple of months
My faggot father must have had his panties up in a bunch.

How much plainer can this be? Need we also remind you that he penned a song called Suck My Dick? Eminem is gay.


In conclusion, there is room on this beautiful planet for rappers of all races, creeds, and even sexual perversions—as long as they “got skills,” but especially if they “got mad skills.”


Pops said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Pops said...

Nice to see a growing trend of exposing the clearly gay underbelly of homophobia.

Jon Black and Britt Bergman said...

Dear pops,

Thanks for your comment! Any blog prominently featuring a picture of BJ and the Bear deserves a link from our site. (Very Little Known Fact: the Bear was not actually a bear at all, but a gorilla.) Thanks again for your comment!

Anonymous said...

LMAO. You're an idiot.
Learn some hip-hop terminology. Most of your comment is funny though. The thing is - there are REALLY a lot of closet gay rappers.
By the way - Hooked on Phonics, k?

Tamu Harper said...

This is an issue "downlow men" that will be examined on Is any of this factual or just sarcasm?

Anonymous said...

I am wondering exactly what Hilda will do with that :D