Thursday, April 30, 2009

VLKF Offices Closed Due to Swine Flu Scare

The Very Little Known Facts corporate offices will be closed until May 4 due to concerns arising from the H1N1 swine flu epidemic.

As a side note, in the future VLKF employees should regularly clear out their lunch products from the break room fridge. It is especially important to remove expired foodstuffs such as deli-sliced Boars Head Black Forest Ham, which has a tendency to grow a distinctive green mold after several weeks, a mold completely unrelated to and not capable of infecting anyone with the H1N1 flu virus.

For more information about influenza and common mythconceptions thereof, see our article Cold and Flu Season: Myths, Facts, and Legends.

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

A New Year Brings New Danger

Since April 1 is the first day of the vernal equinox, we at Very Little Known Facts thought it only fitting that we "spring" into the new year with some dire warnings.

  • Watch out old timer! Up to 90% of nursing home inhabitants have aids, gonorrhea, or herpes. This is due to the fact that people could not afford common antibiotics like bactine during the Great Depression.

  • If you hold your breath, no insect can sting or bite you.

  • Are you chicken? The best way to deal with a snake bite: after bitten, immediately apply a fresh chicken breast as a poultice. That is where we get the English word poultry.

  • If you survive a snake bite to the toe, the bone in your toe will eventually wither and die.

  • Even non-poisonous snakes, although they are safe, have venom that can be transmitted via a snake bite. You can tell a non-poisonous (safe) snake from a poisonous (non-safe) snake by the markings.

  • Sushi anyone? Due to the global recession, shark attacks are down worldwide. Scientists and marine biologists tell us that this could ultimately lead to starving shark populations attacking in a "feeding frenzy" of feeding.