Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Alcohol, Part Three: The Science of Alcohol

Despite the entertaining aspects of alcohol, you can also learn from it.

Science has much to teach us about the mysteries of life and the universe. Keeping this in mind, here are some Very Little Known Science Facts about alcohol:

  • Fermentation is involved in the production of many foods, including bread (bread “rises” as it ferments), sauerkraut, coffee (“percolates” as it ferments), black tea, cheese, steak, buttermilk, pickles, cottage cheese, chocolate, vanilla, ginger, catsup, mustard, soy sauce and many more.

  • THE JOKE IS ON YOU! Many have said in jest that they couldn’t live without alcohol, but they weren’t kidding! Fermentation within the body is essential for human life to exist.

  • Chemistry tells us there are three types of alcohol:
      • Ethyl alcohol, also known as ethanol or denatured alcohol, is used primarily as a fuel or solvent, or both. It is deadly poison.
      • Methyl alcohol is used in the production of crystal meth.
      • Isopropyl alcohol is nutritious AND delicious.

    • DON’T DRINK AND DRIVE: There is a cloud of pure isopropyl alcohol floating in outer space big enough to make four trillion-trillion drinks. It's free for the taking...and it's only 10,000 light years away from our planet, Earth.

    • Whiskey has been used as anesthesia for centuries. Vodka is used to sterilize surgical instruments in Third World countries and France. Gin is a mild diuretic which can reduce menstrual bloating and relieve cramps. Tequila is a home remedy for insomnia. REMEMBER THAT THIS IS NOT MEDICAL ADVICE. DO NOT DRINK ALCOHOL UNTIL YOU HAVE CONSULTED YOUR PERSONAL PHYSICIAN.

    • Alcohol Poisoning is actually an allergic reaction to accumulated impurities in alcoholic drinks. It is impossible to die from drinking pure isopropyl alcohol.*


      • Each molecule of alcohol is less than a billionth of a meter long and consists of a few atoms of oxygen, hydrogen, and selenium.
      • The pressure in a bottle of champagne is about 90 pounds per square inch. That's enough pressure to kill you.
      • Studies have shown that drinking alcohol during a concert reduces one's enjoyment of the music by up to 20%.
      • Spectators at Nascar races consume 3.1 times more blush wine than the average American.
      • Up to 30% of failure is alcohol-related.
      • Excess drinking lowers the body temperature by up to 3 degrees Celsius. The illusion of warmth is caused by the body’s increased heat due to an allergic reaction to alcohol.
      • 72% of Americans report that they have paid money for the services of a designated driver. What kind of person would charge for this service? A taxi driver, that’s who.
      • 93% of alcoholics drink more than the medically recommended amount of alcohol.
      • 1 out of 3 Americans doesn't drink - and that's okay.

    *It is impossible to produce "pure" isopropyl alcohol anywhere on the surface of the Earth due to atmospheric impurities. It has only been produced--and enjoyed--underneath the ocean.


    Jason Hartley said...

    I've heard people say that they are "tired of drinking." Is that possible?

    Jon Black and Britt Bergman said...

    Thanks for your insightful comment, jason hartley!
    Seeing that alcohol is a stimulant, it seems like the person that said this may have some mental problems-in the head! JK! Actually, after the stimulant effect of alcohol wears off, people go through a scientific process known as "Burning Out". This can be remedied by either a strong narcotic such as cocaine or marijuana to get them back up to "speed"!
    Thanks again!

    Carrie said...

    where does the offal go? into the vat?

    Jon Black and Britt Bergman said...

    Dear carrie,

    Thanks for your comment! No, the offal does not go into the vat. The vat contains by-products from the rollers. It is against federal regulations to mix by-products in the vat with offal.

    Offal is released into the environment for reprocessing, most often in wetlands or mountain streams. Thanks again for your comment!

    Anonymous said...

    This blog post is 90% nonsense.

    Ethanol is drinkable alcohol Isopropanol IS poisonous.