Horoscope for Agoraphobes

Astronomers tell us that horoscopes are based on cosmic truths, that the perfectly circular orbits of planets, moons, and galaxies around the sun affect us in mysterious ways, ways that we are only beginning to understand, but ways that we are pretty sure have something to do with our birthdays. (Or, if you were adopted, the date of your legal adoption.)

Certainly you have heard by now that Mercury is in retrograde. But what does that mean to you if you are a Pisces? What does that mean if you are a Pisces who just happens to be agoraphobic? Here at Very Little Known Facts, we could not help but notice that those suffering from agoraphobia are often completely overlooked in so-called “normal” astrological charts. So, without further ado, here are this week’s horoscopes for agoraphobes.


Aries (March 21 to April 20) – Jupiter is in ascendency early in the week. Avoid large, open spaces.

Taurus (April 21 to May 21) – Antares will be visible 10 degress above the horizon until moonrise. Stay indoors whenever possible.

Gemini (May 21 to June 21) – Neptune reaches apogee by Thursday. You may run out of meds. Just to be sure, call you phsychiatrist.

Cancer (June 22 to July 22) Don’t leave the house.

Leo (July 23 to August 22) Mercury aligns with Venus. There are just too many people out there. Don’t chance it.

Virgo (August 23 to August 24) – Seriously. Stay inside, or at least under a tree.

Libra (September 24 to October 22) – You know that really small closet tucked underneath the stairs? That seems like a safe place.

Scorpio (October 23 to November 22) – Impediments to work exist while Saturn is in your house; delay any new business ventures until late in the week. Your romantic endeavors will be smiled upon. Also, don’t leave the house.

Sagittarius (November 24 to December 21) – Challenges arise re: your agoraphobia. For instance, why didn’t you just pull the car all the way into the garage last night? What were you thinking?

Gemini (December 22 to January 20) – Something is going on with asteroids or something. Maybe a wide-brimmed hat or dark sunglasses will help.

Pisces (February 20 to March 20) – Don’t leave the house.

*Note that some dates overlap. If your birthday falls on one of these overlapping dates, you can choose your sign as desired.

Superdelegates: Not So Super?

You have probably heard a lot of talk, or even banter being bandied about regarding the so-called “superdelegates” who may have the power to swing the Democratic nomination for president. If you are like some, you may well be wondering. Examples of the kinds of questions you may encounter within your wondering self are:

• What exactly are super-delegates?

• Where do they come from?

• What do they want from us?

To understand the phenomenon of Super Delegates, we must first return to the mainstay of American democracy, the Electoral College. The founding fathers included the Electoral College as the third, or “bicameral” branch of government as a check and/or balance against the power of the other branches, the Judiciary and the Bureaucracy.

The word “Electoral” itself comes from the Latin root Electra, the mythological female assassin who stalks the streets preying on evil-doers. Just as you can take any course you want as an “elective” in regular college, the “electors” in the Electoral college can vote for anybody they want. This insulates the government from the so-called “tyranny of the majority” where the candidate with the most votes wins the election. (See Hayes v. Tilden, Bush v. Gore, etc.)

Luckily, nowadays we have many sedimentary layers and substrata between voters and elected officials to limit access and prevent undue voter influence on government. The Supreme Court has consistently ruled that donating huge sums of money to forward a political agenda is a form of free speech, which is of course a self-evident truth since all men are created equal. Of course, all men do not have equal bank account balances and stock portfolios, because that would be Communism. And there are no super-delegates in Communism.

So, in summation, only Communists are against superdelegates, and God Bless the Enlightened Voters of these United States of America. Except for those voters in Florida and Michigan which don’t count this year.*


*Superdelegates from Florida and Michigan still count.

Superfan!

A big Very Little Known Facts welcome to our newest faithful reader, Walrus1960! Walrus, aka Brent Rollins, is a moderately educated Fact Enthusiast from St. Louis, Missouri—big props to the Granite State! Brent spends a lot of time on our site because "education is precious." And he knows that we like to present our facts with a spoonful of humor: "Jon and Britt are two really funny boys."

Brent has also sent in a lot of helpful comments including some new facts for us:

• A human cannot swallow his own foot if it is still attached to his body.

• Dying from natural causes is not a tragedy.

• Stephen Seagal’s father was a math teacher from Michigan.

• Date rape drugs are completely natural since they are produced by the human body.

And he had one correction for us from our post entitled The Line Everybody Says from That Movie:

The line about badges was actually from Born in East L.A., Cheech Marin says "I don't need no stinkin' green card."

Thanks for the correction!

As a final note, we want to join Brent in making 2008 the year that ignorance is ceased to spread. We want to urge all our readers to cease the spread of ignorance as soon as possible. As Brent says, “You can help.”

Of course, Very Little Known Facts is committed to doing what we can. As Brent says, “There are children and adults depending on credible resources out here.” Well, from all of us here at VLKF: you are welcome.

Thanks for your comments, Brent! Keep up the good work!

Start the New Year Off with Facts!

• Marshmallows are extracted from the mucilanginous roots of the marshmallow plant, which grows in swamps and other fetid areas.

• In industry terms, a “stewardess” can refer to a female or male flight attendant.

• The only new species of mammal that has appeared in the last 1,000 years is the labradoodle.

• The state of Alabama still accepts Confederate scrip as payment for state income taxes.

• A single apple seed contains enough arsenic to kill an adult horse—but not an adult human!

• All the continents begin and end with the same letter. The only exceptions are North America, South America, and Eurasia.

• If you swallow your Adam’s apple, you will choke to death.

• The Viking explorer Leif Garrett discovered America centuries before Columbus or the Native Americans.