Friday, October 26, 2007

Health Info on the Internet: Lethal?


The results are in, and they are conclusive. We here at Very Little Known Facts are quite aware that the massive amount of health information available on the internet can be confusing and overwhelming. Often alarming headlines are used to rope in traffic, and just as often passive voice is used because of the positive effect on readership numbers that has been shown to have been created by this use.

As part of our ongoing commitment to commit to the well-being of our readers’ collective and individual being—a series we like to call Towards a Better Wellness for Tomorrow—we have compiled a digest of links to articles that present a definitive picture of what you should do (and what you should not do) to live a full, healthful, virtually endless life. Enjoy!


Drinking coffee is good for you and good for your health.

Drinking coffee will kill you within an hour, possibly.

Wine prevents cavities.

Wine gives you breast cancer.

Wine can make you live forever even if you are morbidly obese.

Wine will kill you.

Wine is good for your heart. (But not really.)

Exercise is good for you.

Exercise is bad for you.

Antidepressants increase the risk of suicide in teenagers.

No they don’t.

Eat more fish, it is good for you.

Eating fish will poison you with mercury and kill you.

Depression makes you feel bad.

Lack of sleep weakens your immune system and gives you cancer and diabetes.

But whatever you do, don’t get too much sleep.

You might very well have AIDS right now and not even know it.

Don't stress about this because stress leads to backaches, cancer, and irritable bowel syndrome.

The good news is that stress is good for you.

If you think you may be schizophrenic, you probably are.

If you are worried about losing control due to mental illness, you are probably not mentally ill.


Conclusion

In conclusion, the internet is a new and powerful tool in our lives. Since studies have shown that googling your symptoms produces the correct diagnosis, be sure to look up medical information on the internet at the first sign of illness. Unless you are a hypochondriac. But what if you just think you are a hypochondriac? You might not be a hypochondiac at all—you might just be psychic.

Either way, we support you.

3 comments:

Bear said...

Dear Fact Men,
How do you know if you are older, middle-old or damn old?

Jon Black and Britt Bergman said...

Dear bear,

Thanks for your comment! They say that you are only as old as you feel you are, but this is inaccurate. To know how old you actually are, you subtract the date of your birth from the current date. (Unless you are Jewish or Chinese, then you subtract the date of your birth from the current date using the Jewish or Chinese calendar, respectively and respectfully.) If you are over 35, you are no longer young, and therefore you are old. The relative quantity of your oldness is pretty much irrelevant. Thanks again for your comment!

walrus1960 said...

Dear "facts" men;
As you can tell I am not too pleased with your lack of research and misrepresentation of facts.
Is your goal the disemmination of Ignorance or is this just a big joke to you?
I could try to explain to you the dangers and embarrassment of having dubious information for those who believe this site is legit. obviously this is of no concern to you.
I am curious though why anyone would believe such crap, so I will make it my personal responsibility to show and correct your assertions of fact. I do it for those that believe education is precious and not a COLLOSAL JOKE.