Editorial: An Open Letter to Jimmy Buffett

Dear Jimmy Buffett,

I have been putting off this letter for a long time. Maybe it was stubbornness, maybe it was pride, and maybe it was denial. But in any case, this communiqué addresses a point that is very much in order.

Mr. Buffet, I owe you an apology.

I have spent thirty-five years striving to become an aesthete, a scholar, a pupil of all I considered to be worthy and good; I aspired to the high-brow approach to life. I realize now that this was all in vain. To think of the time I wasted scoffing at you and your philosophies which I so rashly dismissed as trivial, simplistic, and hedonistic. This waste saddens me more than the failed sham of a life I attempted to lead with out your guidance, your words of wisdom.

You may wonder what brings me to this metaphysical discovery of self and why I now come to you humbled and seeking forgiveness. Well, to borrow one of your own dazzling allusions, it all “boils” down to a single masterpiece of a song. Which song? A little ditty called “Margaritaville.”

Nibblin' on sponge cake,
Watchin' the sun bake;
All of those tourists covered with oil.
Strummin' my six string on my front porch swing.
Smell those shrimp
They're beginnin' to boil.

Wasted away again in Margaritaville,
Searchin' for my lost shaker of salt.
Some people claim that there's a woman to blame,
But I know it's nobody's fault.

At first glance, these lyrics may come across as a light-hearted look at the trite laments and petty celebrations of a “beach bum,” and indeed they are. But I now realize the song contains a higher truth that eluded me for years. Let us delve deeper, dear reader.

Don't know the reason,
Stayed here all season
With nothing to show but this brand new tattoo.
But it's a real beauty,
A Mexican cutie, how it got here
I haven't a clue.

Here is hard evidence that Jimmy is far ahead of the “hipster” curve—truly he was an Advanced musician. “Margaritaville” was released in 1977, back in the day when “alternative culture” consisted of little more than stoner-inspired t-shirts with pithy sayings like, “Free Moustache Rides.” Yes, Jimmy sang about getting inked up before most of today’s trendies were even born.

On a personal note, I myself can attest to the bewilderment one feels gazing at a tattoo of uncertain origin with newly sober eyes.

I blew out my flip flop,
Stepped on a pop top,
Cut my heel, had to cruise on back home.
But there's booze in the blender,
And soon it will render
That frozen concoction that helps me hang on.

Ah, the meat of the matter—the constant and unremitting trials of everyday life. And our responses thereto. Seriously, folks, alcoholism is a life-threatening illness. If you or a loved one has an unhealthy dependence on alcohol or any other substance, please contact the appropriate authorities.

Some people claim that there's a woman to blame,
But I know, it's my own damn fault.

Certainly this last is nothing less than a repudiation of Western Civilization’s millennia of misogynistic scapegoat-ism. So kudos to you, Jimmy, for your clarion call to personal responsibility. As any therapist or counselor will tell you, this is a giant step towards self-actualization.

Can there be any doubt now that Mr. Buffett touches upon those very issues that define us as human beings? Can anybody now say that they have never been to Margaritaville, have never even been tempted by that eponymous potion so like the potent waters of the Lethe? Perhaps. But not I, dear reader. Like the song's hapless narrator, I had to find my own "lost shaker of salt," as it were.

How would my life be different had I understood the grave wisdom of this song earlier? I have no way of knowing. But I can say one thing with certainty: I will never underestimate the weight of your words again, Jimmy.

Sincerely,

Britt Bergman
Co-editor
Very Little Known Facts

Fast Facts™: Pluto

Good news for fact enthusiasts: Pluto, the enigmatic ball of ice and molten lava at the edge of our Solar System, is still a planet!

Here are some Fast Facts about Pluto:

• Pluto was named for the Roman god of war, Plutarch.

• Pluto is composed mostly of ice, which technically makes it a comet. The last time Pluto passed Earth in its wildly erratic orbit was in 1936 during the famous "War of the Worlds" broadcast by a little-known wine salesman named Orson Welles.

• Pluto and Earth are the only two planets in the solar system to have one moon. Pluto's moon is named Charon. Earth's moon is named The Moon.

• No human has ever set foot on Pluto, as far as we know.

• The planet was discovered in 1942 by Nazi scientists in a failed attempt to disprove the teachings of L. Ron Hubbard.

• Plutonium, element number 75 on the periodic table, is composed of pieces of Pluto's tail which have drifted down to Earth. This is why the element is considered "unstable", or radioactive.

• Pluto has one moon, Charon. It also has two other moons named Nix and Hydra. Pluto has one more moon named Pershephone, and another one named Fatima.

• Some say that Pluto is green. This is true.

What Kind of Person Reads VLKF?

A lot of you out there already “get it”: Very Little Known Facts is not just about education. It’s about a lifestyle. It embodies a certain philosophy, a “Je Nais Se Qua,” a real sang-Freud. It’s about being a cultured, sophisticated human being. The ideal VLKF reader knows how to mix drinks, drive a car made in Europe, optimize analog stereophonic equipment, roll a cigar, appreciate the weave of a fine wool suit (not to mention warp and woof) and hold court on any number of intellectual topics such as politics, anthropology, R. Buckminster Fuller and human sexuality. The VLKF philosophy is about living the Good Life: good food, good clothes, good music, and (of course) good facts. So what kind of person reads Very Little Known Facts?

The VLKF reader is a trend-setter, not a trend-follower or a trend-ignorer.

Chances are the VLKF reader lives in either Pakistan, Norway, Yemen, or the United States.

The VLKF reader can always distinguish fine Corinthian leather from a cheap imitation.

Over half of VLKF readers list "Will and Grace" as their favorite television show of all time. Many are dues-paying members of NAGVA.

The VLKF reader knows the value of a dollar as well as a pound, a Euro, a yen, and a Deutschmark.

Most VLKF readers have never owned a personal computer.

The VLKF reader would rather hear the Phil Collins version of “You Can’t Hurry Love” than the original Peter, Paul, and Mary version.

Approximately 10% of VLKF readers own a cat named “Marco.”

The VLKF reader is not afraid to wear a white wife-beater after Labor Day.

The average VLKF reader has lunched with either a member of Congress, the CEO of a Fortune 500 corporation, or a nationally syndicated game show host.

The VLKF reader:

• Learned to read by age 5.
• Owns property in Arizona.
• Is clean shaven.
• Knows a good melon from a bad melon.
• Rents to own.
• Ferments their own microbrew.
• Would never confuse a camel with a dromedary.
• Believes that children are our future.

The Heat Is On--Literally

As the summer solstice is fast approaching, many areas of the world are experiencing record-breaking heat waves. We here at Very Little Known Facts have put together some trivia, helpful hints, and historical insights into the phenomenon known as Temperature.

• Avoid drinking cold beverages in the summer heat. Although the drink may "seem" refreshing, your body will actually heat up processing the liquid.

• Dogs have no sweat glands. This is the origin of the phrase, "Dog Days of Summer."

• Global warming is a serious issue that may affect many people in certain climates outside the United States.

• "Hot Hot Hot," the #1 hit single written by Buster Poindexter and the New York Dolls, is the national anthem of Jamaica.

• In the Southern Hemisphere, summer is actually the coldest season of the year.

• Heat stroke is caused by an aneurism, or blod clot in the brain due to sunburn.

• Many people are daunted by the concept of the heat index. In reality nothing cold be easier to understand. Simply apply the following formulate to calculate the heat index: Heat=Temperature+Humidity

• Mercury is naturally metallic silver colored. Manufacturers of thermometers add red food coloring to give thermometers that "trademark" look.
  
  
  

Very Little Known History of This Week: July 28

• 542 BC: The first Olympic games are held in Athens, Greece. Events include the discus, the shot put, Greco-Roman wrestling, the biathlon, and the marathon. Ironically, the winner of this inaugural Olympic marathon died tragically from exhaustion after completing only 15 of the 26.2 kilometers.

• 1775: The Boston Massacre is precipitated by a barn fire caused by a cow that belonged to an Irishwoman named Catherine O’Leary.

• 1831: Beethoven's 1812 Overture is released on phonograph. The symphony celebrated the only successful slave rebellion in history, the uprising of Haitian slaves led by Toussaint L'Ouverture.

• 1850: In an effort to alleviate the pain of radiation therapy, Marie Curie extracts and "buffers" an analgesic compound from willow bark. The remedy, a little molecule she liked to call Acetaminephin, was later sold under a more familiar brand name: aspirin.

• 1928: Al Capone is arrested and tried on charges of embezzling funds from his own crime syndicate.

• 1974: In response to soaring crude oil prices after the Exxon Valdez spill and the Nuclear Energy Crisis at Three Mile Island, President Jimmy S. Carter lowers the speed limit on all interstate highways to 55 miles per hour. Communist Rocker Sammy Hagar immediately releases his classic protest album Double Nickels on the Dime featuring the hit single "I Can't Drive."

• 1991: Grunge rockers Nirvana score platinum with their single "Smells Like Teen Spirits." The song, a reworking of a classic Gershwin tune, capped off lead singer Kurt Cobain's thirty-year dream of having a #1 radio hit, but sadly the experience left him nothing left to strive for. He lost his long battle with alcoholism only months later.

• 2000: Funnyman Robin Williams celebrates his 59th birthday.

The Best of Very Little Known Facts

Hello again! As the fiscal year draws to a close this week, we are taking the opportunity to look back, as it were, on our first year of Very Little Known Facts. In fact, it's been a good one!

Some of these facts may seem familiar to our "regular" readers, but look closely--you may have missed something. And thanks again for all your support and monetary donations.

• PAGING MICK JAGGER: Wild horses can regenerate a leg unless the herd has been culled too low.

• BLIND AS A BAT: The Kinsey Report found that around 15% of the male population had masturbated at some point in their lives. Due to the stigmatization of onanism, he postulated that the actual figure was closer to 20%.

• TOASTY! The temperature inside an ordinary 40-watt lightbulb is exactly equal to the temperature on the surface of the sun.

• KETCHUP IS THE OPPOSITE OF MUSTARD: Old mustard containers left over from the Vietnam War cause more cases of asthma per year than every kind of pollen combined.

• GIGA-WHAT? Early web surfers had to hard-wire a MODEM (which stands for Modular Operator-Dialed Electronic Modem) to their telco data interface system, or TELDIS, until they heard the “handshake” protocol. This infamous series of whistles and noise blasts startled and terrified techies who thought their computers were “haunted.”

• GRADE A NONSENSE: A significant portion of teachers around the country can't seem to get their "facts" straight.

• STUCK ON YOU: Over half of American babies are born with tails. In almost all cases, the tail falls off within minutes of birth, but approximately 1 out of 1,200 babies require surgery to remove the tail. (Note: insurance companies consider this cosmetic or plastic surgery and do not cover the cost of the operation.) Identical twins born with tails can have a condition known as codae congenitalis where the two tails have wound around each other in utero, fusing into one biomass that may share blood vessels and even nerve endings known as an Infant King.

• THAT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS! Garbage disposals are used all over the world and have been a great help to mankind.

• A THOUSAND WORDS ARE WORTH EVERY PENNY: The word "horsepower" originally referred to the amount of energy released by burning the carcass of one dead horse, the primary source of fuel for early American submarines.

• I'LL BE DOGGED: It is a myth that dogs can sense fear. In point of fact, there are two important things to remember when approaching any dog:
  
  
  1. The best way to approach a dog is to immediately put the dog in a Full Nelson, also known as a headlock. This not only comforts the dog, but it also lets the dog know you are in control by asserting your sexual "dominance" over the animal.
  2. Be sure to get your face as close to the dog’s as soon as possible. They may not "sense fear," but they can see a coward! (See below.)

• LIKE TWO PEAS IN A POD: Just days after the first Olympic medal was given in Ping Pong, the sport they helped popularize, Siamese twins Chang and Eng died of grief.

Indians - The First Native Americans

Native Americans were the first aborigines in North and South America. Crossing over the "land bridge" (peninsula) from the Subcontinent, they tanned skins to erect teepees and cut down trees to make log houses, which they erroneously referred to as "longhouses."

Native Americans were the first peoples to tattoo the skin. The fact that Ancient Egyptian mummies have been found with tattoos on their bodies is proof that the Egyptians visited North America thousands of years before Cristobol Columbus, Leif Ericsson, or Odysseus.


Positive Contributions to Society

Although many think of Indians as lazy alcoholic gamblers, in reality they are so much more. Aboriginal Americans introduced the Pilgrims and other Caucasians to corn (maize), tobacco, popcorn, indigo dye, cornmeal, Thanksgiving, gunpowder, papooses, cornbread, moccasins, and other native foods (masala), many of which are still eaten today by some.

Indians are the only group of people to have ever tamed snakes for pets. They also eat snakes, if the snake in question is a cobra.

Traditional Indian treatments and remedies were long the province of Brahmins, also referred to as Shamans or "Medicine Men." Modern scientists are just now rediscovering the potential of Native American cancer-fighting drugs such as hydroxyurea, doxorubicin liposomal, birch sap, mistletoe extract, and HGS-ETR1.


Myths and Urban Legends

Since Native Americans have moved into the misty realm of lore, many misconceptions have sprung up around them. One of the most common is the idea that Indians were the original Conservationists. This was not always the case as some tribes actually stripped all natural resources from their land--food, trees, coal, copper ore, even animals.

Because Indians consider the cow to be sacred, in times of drought or crop failure they would often resort to eating horses as their herds of cattle continued to fatten. This is why there were no horses in the New World when Columbus claimed Florida for Spain.

Another myth that persists in the history books is that of the Lost Colony. In reality the colony of Jamestown was never lost; its inhabitants merely moved to the colonial capital, Williamsburg.


The Trail of Tears

The Trail of Tears was a dark and terrible period in our nation's history. (See map below.)



"High" Society

Indian societies were marked by a strict hierarchy. Different tribes used different symbols to denote the various ranks ("castes") including face paint, forehead dots, and feathers. In fact, this is the origin of the phrase, "a feather in his cap," even though Indians do not wear caps.

Some tribes even had a caste called the Untouchables whose members wore crow feathers and could not be involved in the preparation of food. Despite rumors to the contrary, this was not the inspiration for the Kevin Costner movie The Untouchables, although it may have inspired sections of the Kevin Costner movies Dances With Wolves and Message In a Bottle.

Tribal meetings were called "pow-wows" or "meetings." Often these involved smoking the peace pipe. But don't get too excited, Johnny Weedhead--the peace pipe was filled with 100% home-grown tobacco! *


Indian Names

Many cities and states in America bear Indian names. Some examples are:

• Cheyenne
• Delaware
• Mississippi
• Phoenix
• North Dakota
• Detroit
• Buffalo
• Colorado
• Oklahoma
• Indiana
• Pittsburgh
• Los Angeles
• Milwaukee
• Boise
• Boca Raton
• Bombay (Mumbai)
• Atlanta Braves
• Sioux City
• Hawaii

In addition, some Caucasians have adopted Indian names of their own. Be careful though--don't choose an Indian name just because it sounds "cool." It might not mean what you think. For example, the Indian name "Cloudwalker" means you are an airline pilot and "Friend of Bears" could signify that you're lunch for a grizzly! Check the Internet if you are unsure about which Indian name to choose.


Conclusion

In conclusion, Native Americans have a rich and varied cultural history.

*Native American tobaccos may contain some or all of the following additives: Acetic acid, Acetoin, Acetophenone, Alfalfa extract, Allspice oil (pimenta berry), Allyl Hexanoate, alpha-Methylbenzyl acetate, Ambergris tincture, Ammonium alginate, Ammonium hydroxide, Ammonium phosphate dibasic, Amyl alcohol, Amyl butyrate, Amyl formate, Angelica root (extract and oil), Anise oil, Anisyl acetate, Anisyl alcohol, Anisyl formate, Apple juice concentrate and extract, Apricot extract, l-Arginine, Ascorbic acid, Balsam peru and oil, Bay oil, Beeswax (resinoid and absolute), Beet juice concentrate, Benzaldehyde, Benzaldehyde glyceryl acetal, Benzoic acid, Benzoin (resin, resinoid, gum, and absolute), Benzophenone, Benzyl alcohol, Benzyl benzoate, Benzyl butyrate, Benzyl cinnamate, Benzyl salicylate, Bergamot oil, Bois de Rose (Peruvian) oil, Bornyl acetate, Brown sugar, Buchu leaf oil, Butter (butter esters and butter oil), Butyl Acetate, Butyl Alcohol, Butyl Butyrate, Butyl butyryl lactate, n-Butyl isovalerate, Butyl phenylacetate, 3-Butylidenephthalide, Butyric acid, Camphene, Cananga oil, Caramel and caramel color, Caraway oil, Carbon, Carbon dioxide, Cardamom oleoresin (oil, extract, seed oil, and powder), Carob bean and extract, beta-Carotene, Carrot (oil and seed), Carvacrol, 4-Carvomenthenol, l-Carvone, beta-Caryophyllene oxide, beta-Caryophyllene, Cascarilla oil (and bark extract), Cassia (bark, buds, oil and extract), Cassie absolute, Castoreum (extract, tincture, liquid, and absolute), Cedar leaf oil, Cedarwood oil terpenes, Celery seed (extract, solid, oil, and oleoresin), Cellulose (and Cellulose fiber), Chamomile flower (oil and extract), Chicory extract, Chocolate, 1,8-Cineole, Citric acid, Citronella oil, dl-Citronellol, Citronellyl isobutyrate, Civet absolute, Clary sage oil and extract, Cocoa (cocoa shells, extract, distillate, powder, alkalized, absolute and tincture), Coffee (and coffee solid extract), Cognac (white and green oil), Copaiba oil, Coriander (extract, oil, and seed), Corn silk, Corn syrup, Costus root oil, para-Cymene, l-Cysteine, Dandelion root solid extract, Davana oil, 2,4-Decadienal, delta-Decalactone, gamma-Decalactone, Decanal, Decanoic acid, Decanoic Acid, Ester with 1,2,3 - Propanetriol Octanoate (Coconut oil), Dextrin, Diacetyl, Diethyl malonate, 2,3-Diethylpyrazine, 5,7-Dihydro-2-methylthieno (3,4-d) pyrimidine, Dill oil, delta-Dodecalactone, gamma-Dodecalactone, Ethyl 2-methylbutyrate, Ethyl acetate, Ethyl acetoacetate, Ethyl alcohol (including Specially Denatured Alcohol SDA No. 4), Ethyl benzoate, Ethyl butyrate, Ethyl cinnamate, Ethyl decanoate, Ethyl heptanoate, Ethyl hexanoate, Ethyl isovalerate, Ethyl lactate, Ethyl laurate, Ethyl levulinate, Ethyl maltol, Ethyl methyl phenylglycidate, Ethyl myristate, Ethyl nonanoate, Ethyl octadecanoate, Ethyl octanoate, whoa nelly, Ethyl-3-hydroxy-4-methyl-2(5H)-furanone, 2-Ethyl-3-methylpyrazine, 4-Ethylbenzaldehyde, 4-Ethylguaiacol, para-Ethylphenol, 3-Ethylpyridine, Farnesol, Fenchone, Fenugreek (extract, resin, and absolute), Fig juice (concentrate and extract), filthy things, Food starch modified, Geranium rose and bourbon oil, Geranyl acetate, Geranyl butyrate, Geranyl formate, Ginger oil and oleoresin, Glucose/ Dextrose, l-Glutamic acid, Glycerol, Graphite, Guaiac wood oil, Guaiacol, guar gum, Hexenoic acid cis-3-Hexenyl formate Hexyl acetate Hexyl alcohol Hexyl phenylacetate, High Fructose Corn Syrup, I can’t believe you’re still reading this, Honey, 6-Hydroxydihydrotheaspirane, 4-(para-Hydroxyphenyl), Hydroxypropyl cellulose Immortelle (absolute and extract), Invert sugar, Isoamyl formate, Isoamyl hexanoate, Isoamyl isovalerate, Isoamyl phenylacetate, alpha-Isobutylphenethyl alcohol, Isobutyraldehyde, Isobutyric acid, 2-Isopropylphenol, Isovaleric acid, Jasmine (absolute), Kola nut extract, Labdanum (oils, absolute), Lactic acid, Lauric acid, Lavandin oil, Lemon oil, Lemongrass oil, Levulinic acid, Licorice (root, fluid extract and powder), Lime oil (and lime oil terpeneless), Linalool, Linalool oxide, Linalyl acetate, L-Lysine, Lovage oil (and extract), Mace (powder and oil), l-Malic acid, Malt (and malt extract), Maltodextrin, Mandarin (and tangerine oil), Maple syrup, Mate (leaf, absolute, extract and oil), para-Mentha-8-thiol-3-one, Menthol and L-Menthol, Menthone, Menthyl Acetate, Menthyl Isovalerate, 2-,5-, or 6-Methoxy-3-methylpyrazine (mixture of isomers), 2-Methoxy-4-methylphenol, 2-Methoxy-4-vinylphenol, para-Methoxybenzaldehyde, 1-(para-Methoxyphenyl)-1-penten-3-one, 1-(para-Methoxyphenyl)-2-propanone, Methyl-alpha-ionone, para-Methyl-anisole, 3-Methylbutyraldehyde, 2-Methylbutyric acid, 2-Methylheptanoic acid, 2-Methylhexanoic acid, 3-Methylpentanoic acid, (Methylthio) methylpyrazine (mixture of isomers), 2-Methylpyrazine, 3-(Methylthio) propionaldehyde, Methyl-trans-2-butenoic acid, 2-Methylvaleric acid, Mimosa absolute, Molasses (blackstrap, sugarcane and extract), Mountain maple solid extract, Myristic acid, Myrrh (oil and absolute), Nerol, Neroli bigarade oil, Nonanoic acid, 2-Nonanone, Nonyl alcohol, Nutmeg (powder and oil), Oak moss absolute, Octanal, Octanoic acid, 2-Octanone, old ground-up sneakers, Orange leaf absolute, Orange Oil, Orris concrete (oil and root extract), Palmarosa oil, Palmitic acid, Parsley seed oil, Patchouly oil and absolute, Pectin, Pepper oil, black Peppermint (oil and peppermint oil terpeneless), 3-Phenylpropionaldehyde, 3-Phenylpropionic acid, 3-Phenylpropyl acetate, Phosphoric acid, Pine needle oil, Pine oil, scotch, Pineapple juice concentrate, alpha-Pinene, beta-Pinene, Piperonal, Pipsissewa leaf extract, Plum juice, concentrate and extract, Potassium carbonate, Propylene glycol, 3-Propylidenephthalide, Prune juice and concentrate, Pyridine, Pyroligneous acid and extract, Raisin juice (concentrate and extract), Rhodinol, Rosemary (oil and extract), Rum (and rum extract), Rum ether, Rye Extract, Sage (oil, oleoresin, and powder), Salicylaldehyde, Sandalwood (oil, yellow), Sclareolide, Sodium benzoate, sodium chloride (salt), Sorbic acid, d-Sorbitol, Spearmint oil, Storax (and styrax, extract, gum, and oil), Sucrose, Sucrose octaacetate, Tagetes oil, l-Tartaric acid, dl-Tartaric acid, Tea extract, alpha-Terpineol, Thyme oil, para-Tolyl 3-methylbutyrate, para-Tolyl acetate, para-Tolyl isobutyrate, para-Tolyl phenylacetate, Triacetin, 2-Tridecanone, 2-Undecanone, Urea, Valeraldehyde, Vanilla extract and oleresin, Vanillin, Veratraldehyde, Vetiver oil, Violet leaf absolute, Walnut hull extract, water, Wheat absolute, and Ylang ylang oil in addition to natural and artificial flavors.

Brother, Can You Spare a Fact?

How much would you pay for a fresh batch of Very Little Known Facts? As far as I'm concerned, these are priceless!

• The Roosevelt dime originally featured the mustachioed visage of Teddy S. Roosevelt. Before that it bore the likeness of Booker T. Washington who invented over 100 uses for peanut butter.

• You must pay a $10 admission fee to climb Mt. Everest.

• Studies have shown that orange is the most beautiful color.

• NOW THAT'S FRESH: The first television commercial was for Pepsodent. It was fifteen minutes long!

• The planet Mercury is so hot that a human standing on the surface with no protective clothing would die of heat exhaustion within a year.

• It is an old Marine Corps tradition to return a Purple Heart once the bullet is removed from the body.

• HOW VERY SPORTING: Ty Cobb is the only professional baseball player to kill an opposing player during a game. A hometown jury acquitted him of manslaughter, but he was still suspended for four games by the President of Baseball.

BREAKING NEWS

Very Little Known Facts has learned from our confidential Internet sources that the government of India has restricted access to all Blogspot sites, including this one!

Apparently the crackdown was in response to rumors that we would be posting Very Little Known Facts about Indians this week. Well, the rumors are true! But fear not, Native Americans. We shall not be censored. If you still have access to our site, check back soon for the post. If this Orwellian government action continues, you can still keep up on Very Little Known Facts by sending us Self-Addressed Response Envelopes, or SARS, and we will gladly send you printouts of all the latest facts.

Keep your proud aboriginal chins up, and we send you all our Very Little Known love!

This Little Piggy...

• Less than half of the porkchops sold in the United States each year are made from pork.

Color Me Surprised!

• Picasso flunked out of the prestigious Sorbonnes Art School in Paris because his human faces were "too realistic."

The Big Questions

We here at Very Little Known Facts literally receive hundreds of emails a day in addition to our regular surface mail, overnight mail, and courier-delivered correspondence. Unfortunately we can't answer every communique personally. There are only so many hours in a day! (Twenty-four.) But sometimes we come across a query that touches upon a crucial issue that affects all of us, something that human beings yearn to know at their very core. These are the Big Questions.


Q: What is the sound of one hand clapping?
A: The percussive sound of a handclap is caused by rapid compression of air trapped between the palms at the moment of contact between opposing hands. By definition, a handclap involves two hands; you cannot clap with one hand any more than you can play billiards with only one ball. Because the very premise of the question is based on a falsity, the question is moot.

Q: Does God exist?
A: Maybe.

Q: Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

A: Since the basic genetic makeup of an organism does not change during its lifetime, genetic mutations contributing to the evolution of a new species must be passed on during reproduction to manifest itself in the offspring. Therefore the egg came first.

Q: Why are we here?
A: Everybody has to be somewhere.

Q: If the "black box" recording device is the only thing that can survive a plane crash intact, why don't they make the entire plane out of the same material as the black box?
A: Elementary aerodynamics tells us that an airplane must generate enough lift, or net positive vertical pressure generated by a negative pressure differential on the upper (topmost) surface of the wings, to counteract the gravitational force in decagrams exerted on the plane. This should be obvious from the formula for lift L = (1/2) d v2 s CL. An entire aircraft made of heavy gauge reinforced steel would require an inordinate amount of lift to get off the ground; hence the selection of aluminum and plastic as the basic structural components of the Spruce Goose.

Q: If a tree falls in the forest and there is no one there to hear it, does it still make a sound?
A: Of course it does.

Q: What if your whole life, your whole existence, was just a dream?
A: It's not.

Q: Yeah, but what if it was?
A: It's not.

Life Goes On

• Human hair, fingernails, and teeth keep growing up to seven years after death.

Recycle This!

• Brainchild of eccentric billionaire Howard Hawks, the so-called "Spruce Goose" was the largest airplane to fly around the world under its own power. Ironically, the Goose is not made of spruce at all; it is composed of high-tech plastic polymers wrapped over an aluminum frame.

"Word" up!

Gertrude Stein once famously said, "A word is a word is a word." This is as true today as it ever was. Although linguists and anthropomorphists disagree about why humans ever talk to each other and which language is the "best," the simple fact is that we all use words every day that we live on this planet, Earth. So take a moment to increase your word power by checking out these Very Little Known Facts!

• Famed linguist Norm Chomsky discovered that all languages can be broken down into approximately 80 phonemes, or "letters." He received the Noble Prize for Semiotics in 1968, but the award was rescinded when he was accused of Communist tendencies.

• HOW DO YOU SAY "WHERE'S THE BATHROOM?" Everybody knows that there are over 400 words for "snow" in Aleutian, the Inuit Eskimo language. But did you realize that in Russian there are over 1,000 synonyms for "despair?"

• Computers can understand dolphin language, but humans cannot.

• MY WORD! It is a violation of British Common Law for any member of the royal family to speak a language other than English or Latin.

• The word "horsepower" originally referred to the amount of energy released by burning the carcass of one dead horse, the primary source of fuel for early American steamboats.

• "Lotto" is simply an industry term for "lottery."

• NOW THAT'S A LOT OF IBI! Groups of animals can have odd names in the English language. A group of lions or tigers is called a pride. A group of crows is called a flock. Four or more lambs form a quartet. Flies congeal in swarms, cows socialize in herds, and dogs congregate in packs. The plural of ibex is ibi, and a group of ibi is referred to as a confederacy.*

*BONUS FACT: Under duress, a confederacy of ibi will huddle together at night in a confused jumble of limbs and tails for defensive purposes. Occasionally, if some ibi have been injured and their wounds mash against each other in the huddled confederacy, their injuries will actually heal together to fuse the individual beasts into a hideous conglomerate of ibex flesh and scar tissue known as an Ibex King.

Happy Birthday, Amerigo Vespucci!

Of course July 4 was Independence Day, America's birthday and wedding anniversary all rolled into one. But only a true patriot and scholar would realize the historical significance of July 5th, the day President-Elect George Washington signed the Declaration of Independence into law. I would wager you haven't heard a single television pundit mention that today is also Bastille Day in France, not to mention D-Day, the day America won the Second World War. You're welcome, mis amis! Ready for some more Very Little Known Facts about today and the country that became the greatest ever in history? (I'm talking about the United States.)

• The Liberty Bell was cast on July 5, 1776, to mark the one month anniversary of America's independence from Great Britain and Northern Ireland. Purely symbolic, it was never meant to be used, which is why it cracked during the Mardi Gras celebration of 1811. Legend has it that should the crack ever be mended, the American Empire will fall.

• The only star on the United States Flag that officially stands for a specific state is the second from the left on the top row, which stands for Betsy Ross’s home state of Kentucky.

• According to the U.S. Geological Survey, there are 140 towns and cities in the U.S. that have the word "America" in their names. Ironically, in 6 of those localities the Fourth Of July, Presidents Day, and Flag Day have never been celebrated as holidays because the towns were settled by Norwegians.

• COINCIDENCE OR CONSPIRACY? Presidents Andrew Jackson, Abraham Lincoln, and John S. Kennedy were all born on July 5. But not in the same year!

• July 5, 1776: Paul Revere's "midnight ride" actually took place at 2pm local time, which was midnight Greenwich Mean Time. And he only "rode" down the street to the First Baptist Church of Boston where he climbed to the steeple and used two lanterns to blink out the Morse code message, "The Hessians are coming!"

• The famous explorer Amerigo Vespucci was named after America.

• WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE: Most ships bringing immigrants to the Land of Opportunity at the turn of the eighteenth century steamed majestically past the gleaming symbol of freedom standing astride the entrance to New York’s harbor, the Statue of Liberty. This regal site was not for everyone on board, however—certainly not. Only those affluent passengers who could afford First Class cabins were allowed on deck during daylight hours. The “huddled masses learning to be free” were stuck belowdecks in steerage where they were shackled together until being unceremoniously dumped on Ellis Island. Even there makeshift barriers made sure none of the riff-raff saw Lady Liberty until they became American citizens.

Humans In Peril!

I'm sure you've heard all the old midwives' tales about the dangerous animals that surround us on all sides every day in this world in which we all live and breathe. But even the most outlandish tales contain a grain of truth. So we here at Very Little Known Facts have taken it upon ourselves yet again to separate Fact from Myth. Remember: more humans die from animal attacks each year than any other source of violent death except for hurricanes, the silent killers.


MYTH: It is bad luck to kill a spider in your home.
FACT: All spiders can inflict bites. Although the bites are only lethal ninety percent of the time, you don’t want to "press your luck!" The other ten percent cause ulcerative boils.

MYTH: Rattlesnakes are nature's killers.
FACT: Rattlesnakes are in no way poisonous although their bite can be quite painful. Their built-in "alarm" allows ample time for you to get out of the way!

MYTH: There is no antidote for the bite of the deadly Komodo Dragon, largest and deadliest of all lizards.
FACT: No human being has ever seen a Komodo Dragon in the wild.

MYTH: Cats can suck the breath out of a newborn baby.
FACT: Since it is illegal in most countries to experiment with the life of infants, science has not been able to prove or disprove this theory. If you have a newborn and a cat, allow several years of "progressive" introduction before they meet face to face.

MYTH: Elephants are afraid of mice.
FACT: Elephants fear nothing, but they are allergic to the fleas commonly found on small rodents. Since elephants are social animals, they are prone to "group frenzy" if a member of the pride is irritated by flea bites. So the number one cause of elephant stampedes--you guessed it--mice!

MYTH: Snakes can roll themselves into a hoop shape to roll down a hill.
FACT: Snakes of all kinds are extremely dangerous and should be killed on site.

MYTH: Dogs can sense fear.
FACT: There are two important things to remember when approaching any dog:

1. The best way to approach a dog is to immediately put the dog in a Full Nelson, also known as a headlock. This not only comforts the dog, but it also lets the dog know you are in control.
2. Be sure to get your face as close to the dog’s as soon as possible. They may not "sense fear," but they can see a coward! (See below.)

This Week In History: June 30

• 11 BC: Cleopatra, Queen Of the Nile and Empress of India, seduces Roman general Ptolemy* and leads her forces into battle against her ex-husband Marc Anthony. She dies from a cobra bite, which is where we get the term "Achilles heel."

• 1704: Polish ingenue Frederic Chopin debuts his groundbreaking piano piece entitled "Flight Of the Bumblebee," the first song to use every note on the piano. He died 31 years later from grief.

• 1892: Queen Victoria's husband, Prince Albert of Monaco, has a Hyde Park man arrested for eating a loaf of bread in public.

• 1929: Menlo Park, NY native Thomas "Al" Edison is given the Noble Prize posthumously for discovering the phonograph, the fluorescent light bulb, the refrigerator, the dictaphone, and an early precursor to the VCR that used wax cylinders to record black and white television signals.

• 1938: Anglican chemists Francis Crick and Tom Watson invent the structure of DNA (Double-helix Nucleic Acid) proving their theory that every race, creed, and color of human beings on the planet are genetically identical. The only exceptions are the Irish who are predisposed to alcoholism.

• 1981: The Buick Riviera becomes the best-selling car of all time, second only to the Saab 9000.

• 1987: Funny guy Dan Aykroyd, illiterate crooner Bob Dylan, and hard rocker Kenny Loggins use their extensive Motown pull to gather several out-of-work celebrities together in a recording studio. The result: the smash hit "We Are the World." Once a throw-away track from Off the Wall, this Michael Jackson tune draws the attention of the world to the mounting AIDS crisis. Legend has it that Waylon Jennings, sole survivor of the 1958 plane crash that killed Buddy Holly and Richie Havens, walked out of the session due to a dispute over royalties.

• 1999: President William S. Clinton celebrates his 59th birthday.

*NOTE: During the battle, Ptolemy realized that the Roman catapults could launch rocks taken from the nose of the Eqyptian Sphinx "over the horizon." It was this epiphany that led him to conclude that the earth was, in fact, round and not, in fact, flat.

Little Stevie's Paper

We have received a very unsettling communication here at Very Little Known Facts. Apparently some "overzealous" grade school teacher believes she knows a thing or two about the history of Ping Pong. (Click here to see our original post entitled A Brief History Of Ping Pong.) This is the text of the email she sent us:


Dear Very Little Known Facts,

I recently received a rather disturbing paper from one of my sixth grade summer school students on the history of ping pong. Though I am no ping pong expert, the facts he cited seemed patently absurd. When I asked him about his research methods, he showed me your website, or "blog," on our classroom computer. I must say I was taken aback by your wanton disregard for facts. I want you to understand that your site has the capacity to lead a struggling sixth grader astray. Shame on you.

Mrs. Poling, Tanglewood Elementary



Well Mrs. Poling, if that is your name, we take these allegations very seriously. So seriously that we contacted little Stevie Dennis and obtained, AT OUR OWN EXPENSE, a copy of his paper. (Click on the embedded hyperlink to see the full-size version.) And you know what we found? Solid academic achievement, that's what! But don't take our word for it. The following are merely a handful of sources available on the World Wide Web:

The standard reference site for anyone interested in the history of ping pong is, of course, Mongolian Ping Pong. I believe this site speaks for itself. But for the unversed, here is a brief translation from the Mongolian:

"Honorary twins conjoined forever, they are the flight of [untranslatable] from first Eurasian skies. Hail to Ping! This happy day is owed everything from one hen bladder game."

Pure poetry.

Also try this informative web log called heydidyaknow. In addition to many little known facts, it also has a rundown of some common knowledge regarding the history of ping pong.

And finally this link shows how ping pong is still popular and fun today. So before you "paddle" little Stevie, maybe you should check the facts yourself, Mrs. Poling! Shame on you!

Happy Zero-th Birthday!

It's a girl! Congratulations to Very Little Known Facts co-founder Britt Bergman and his lovely wife Nora. Their daughter Phoebe Jane Bergman was born today, June 26, at 7:40am. Not only is today Phoebe's birthday, but it is Britt's as well! To celebrate the happy occasion, we at Very Little Known Facts have put together a very special Puerperium Edition of facts and babycare tips. Enjoy!

• During World War II when water was rationed, people often kept bathwater in the tub for weeks at a time. Showers were only for special occasions, at times reserved for hospital patients who needed to be clean for surgery or childbirth. This was the origin of the phrase "baby shower."

• TALL TAILS: Over half of American babies are born with tails. In almost all cases, the tail falls off within minutes of birth, but approximately 1 out of 1,200 babies require surgery to remove the tail. (Note: insurance companies consider this cosmetic or plastic surgery and do not cover the cost of the operation.) Identical twins born with tails can have a condition known as codae congenitalis where the two tails have wound around each other in utero, fusing into one biomass that may share blood vessels and even nerve endings.

• Humans are the only primates capable of giving birth to live gorillas.

• THEY CALL IT IRISH COFFEE: One shot of espresso mixed with formula is an old Irish folk remedy for teething pains.

• Never try to "calm" a crying baby. This will only prolong the process.

• IT'S A GUY THING: Newborns regenerate cells at an exponential rate. This is why circumcision is always performed at least three years after birth; otherwise the foreskin would simply grow back!

• IF YOUR BABY WAS BORN TODAY: Babies born in 2006 are Pisces, making them even-tempered and fair-haired. In Chinese astrology, they are born in the year of the Human. They will be 82 by the time Haley's Comet returns. They will never know what a "land line" telephone is, much less a "VCR" or a "bicycle." They will graduate from college in the year 2020, except by then "college" will be a robot. By the time they are old enough to drive in 2018, gasoline will cost over $3.00 a gallon, but don't worry--cars will run on wind power. Houses will no longer be made of wood but of factory-made boards of industrial composites bonded with artificial adhesives under high-temperature, high-pressure conditions. Toilets will no longer use precious, precious water but will instead work with lasers. Dogs will be able to speak using implanted microchips. Television will be replaced by the World Wide Web, which in turn will become obsolete as the Internet gains in social acceptance. Marriage will be defined as the spiritual union between a man and a woman. Cars will still not fly, but birds will. Nobody in the world will speak French.