Very Little Known Facts

2011: The Year We'd Rather Forget in Review

2011-12-30T12:18:00.003-05:00

JANUARY: Ongoing protests bring down the authoritarian president of Tunisia; Egyptian president Hosni Mubarak offers to step in and rule Tunisia as interim despot. Presaging a rough year to come, Apple CEO and co-founder Steve Jobs takes a leave of absence from being the last, best hope for economic recovery in America.

FEBRUARY: Hosni Mubarak resigns; Governor Scott Walker of Wisconsin offers to step in as interim Egyptian despot and institute draconian measures intended to punish his enemies. Sarah Palin announces that she is definitely considering whether or not to announce plans for convening a press conference regarding the likelihood of her forming an exploratory committee to raise funds for possible future plans in regards to her theoretical candidacy. Fox News viewers voice their fear and distrust of the Arab Spring movement because it has the word "Arab" in it.

MARCH: In a very precedented move, warplanes from the U.S. and allied countries impose a no-fly zone over an Arab country. An earthquake and tsunami cause massive devastation in Japan along with explosions and core meltdowns at the Fukushima nuclear power plant. Elsewhere, petroleum industry executives close the conference room door and draw the shades before quietly popping the corks on their champagne bottles.

APRIL: The entire world is glued to their screens watching the British Royal Wedding of Prince William to his mother Princess Diana. Intense negotiations between rival factions of millionaires manage to prevent a government shutdown. In other news, intense negotiations between rival factions of millionaires fail to yield a new NFL contract. Presidential candidate Michelle Bachman denies homosexuality rumors regarding her husband, teletubby Tinky Winky.

MAY: Closing a sad chapter in American history and finally silencing a vocal proponent of intolerance and hate, commandos storm a hidden compound and kill Glenn Beck. After learning of the scandal in which a member of the Kennedy clan is actually the victim, stunned and dismayed Californians begin the search for another bodybuilder-actor-politician to provide them moral leadership. At the start of his corruption trial, Former Illinois governor Rod "Blogger" Blagojevich points out that he deserves some credit for not knocking up the maid.

JUNE: Mitt Romney officially announces his candidacy for president, revealing that his election strategy is to let all 37 other candidates spout bat-dung-crazy nonsense until Republican voters realize they have no choice but to grudingly support him. After losing the NBA finals to the Dallas Mavericks, Lebron James packs his belongings in a small suitcase and takes a Greyhound back to Cleveland where, after a tense moment, the city hugs him and promises to let him sleep on the couch "until he gets back on his feet."

JULY: Many Conservatives express dismay as New York state legalizes gay marriage, pointing out that this blow to family values could doom the impending marriage of Kim Kardashian to that guy she got engaged to as a subplot on her reality TV show. New regulations from the National Weather Service go into effect that force all forecasters, reporters, pundits, and man-on-the-street interviewees to compare any current weather conditions to Global Warming as soon as a microphone appears in front of their face. The grand jury investigating former senator John Edwards finds octomom Casey Anthony not guilty of murdering Amy Winehouse. Televised Republican presidential debates initially get excellent ratings until viewers realize that they aren't watching The Walking Dead.

AUGUST: Admitting that budget negotiations have reached a complete impasse, Congress votes to pick twelve members, six from each party, to continue refusing to compromise in a smaller room. This so-called "Supercommittee" has been given power to waste exponentially more time than ordinary committees. Despite this last-minute compromise, Bank of America forecloses on the White House, prompting President Obama to go on television reading a very cogent and even-tempered speech on the issue. The British public is shocked, absolutely shocked, to learn that Rupert Murdoch is not an icon of moral rectitude.

SEPTEMBER: A round of spontaneous applause breaks out at the Joint Chiefs of Staff meeting following the news that Libyan rebels have seized Gaddafi's headquarters in Tripoli. This is followed by an awkward silence and much nervous paper-shuffling when President Obama asks if anyone thinks it is a good idea to enforce a no-fly zone over Syria. Facebook declares bankruptcy after being replaced by Google +. Texas Governor Rick Perry becomes the GOP frontrunner after announcing his three-part plan to fix America: lower taxes and imprison all immigrants. Intense negotiations between rival factions of millionaires break down, leading to an NBA strike. Lebron James considers applying for unemployment benefits.

OCTOBER: President Obama commends the Congressional debt "Supercommittee" on finally reaching a unanimous decision on one issue: their utter and complete failure. In a desperate move, the European Union sells the country of Greece to corporate raider Carl Icahn for $86,000; Icahn announces plans to break Greece up into several city-states to sell separately. Media outlets go into panic mode after failing to sum up the complex socio-economic and political motivations of the Occupy Wall Street protesters into a 5-second sound bite. Rival factions of millionaires join together to remind "the 99%" that they should support lower taxes on the wealthy because "one day you'll win the lottery and be rich too."

NOVEMBER: Herman Cain loses his near-guaranteed shot at the Republican nomination after claiming that groping every female job applicant at Godfather's Pizza was simply company policy of "checking out their qualifications." As a result, staunch family man Newt Gingrich surges ahead in the polls. The nation is shocked, just shocked, just absolutely shocked to learn that some people think winning college football games is more important than protecting children from child molesters.

DECEMBER: After realizing that previous frontrunner Newt Gingrich is actually that same Newt Gingrich from like the 90's, increasingly desperate Republicans, looking for anyone who isn't Mitt Romney, pointedly ignore the politely raised hand of John Huntsman and flock to Ron Paul in a bid for cross-over appeal between secessionist Libertarians and hardcore stoners. Christopher Hitchens is welcomed at the Pearly Gates of Valhalla by the Lord Ganesh who tells him, "You were way off, man." The last American troops withdraw from Iraq, finally bringing peace to the Middle East and fulfilling Obama's pledge to end America's wars.* And after the death of Dear Leader Kim Jung Il, Dick Cheney offers to step in as interim comically evil tyrant for the Democratic People's Republic of Korea.

*Not counting the War in Afghanistan, the War on Terrorism, the continuation of the Cold War along the DMZ between North and South Korea since the Korean War never officially ended, the War on Drugs, and the War on Christmas.

The Triumphant Return of Actual Facts

2011-08-20T11:39:00.010-04:00

After a short vacation, Very Little Known Facts is back--this time with even less known facts than ever!

THE ETERNAL CYCLE OF LIFE: The last letter of the Japanese alphabet is also the first letter.

If you invested $1000 in stock in the newly formed Apple Computers company in 1974, that investment would be worth over $1500 today.

IT TAKES ALL KINDS: It is considered rude to drive on the right side of the road in England.

People who were born in the last three months of the year are twice as likely to find out that they were separated at birth.

CLICK THEM CLICKERS: Castanets, now a staple of exotic Spanish flamengo dancing, were originally intended as a dog training tool.

Some have said that the Statue of Liberty in New Jersey harbor is the largest representation of the human form except for the Great Wall of China.

THINK OF THE CHILDREN: Some so-called "progressive" families practice the so-called "free-range kids" style of parenting which demonizes any punishment for misbehaving kids, encourages children to read banned books, and allows kids to run free with no parental supervision after the age of 4. If that still sounds like a good idea to you, perhaps you would like to hear the name of the most famous free-range kid who is now all grown up? Well, that kid was named JOHN F. HINCKLEY JR.

Michelle Bachman's husband was once engaged to the lead singer of Bachman Turner Overdrive.

HE LIKES IT! HE LIKES IT! Famed stand-up comedian and director Bobcat Goldthwait got his start playing the reluctant Mikey in the famed Life Cereal commercials from the Seventies.

Happy 4th Birthday VLKF!

2010-05-17T17:48:00.032-04:00

People say May is the cruelest month, but we here at VLKF think it is the coolest month. We just turned four years old! Here is the freshest retrospective on VLKF available on the open market.

2006

A Brief History Of Ping Pong

A Fascinating Subject

How many millions of people in this world would list ping pong as their favorite sport? Due to the current state of affairs in many parts of the globe, there is no way to know for certain, but you can be sure that it would be many, many millions indeed! Americans often relegate the sport of ping pong to the category of "past time," but in reality ping pong has much more to offer. A few hours of research at your local library could very well lead to a lifelong interest in this fascinating subject.

The Beginning

Our story begins in the vast continent of Eurasia, in the empire of China, which was once called Indochina. Imperial courtiers of the fifteenth century Han dynasty were quite partial to a parlor game in which a small "ball" fashioned from a hen's bladder was bounced back and forth over a "net" made from a section of fishing net. In this early incarnation of the sport, players did not keep score because it was considered improper to compete against someone of different social standing. You don't want to beat the boss in Beijing!

Ping pong was actually named hundreds of years later by the world-famous Siamese twins Chang and Eng.* Due to language barriers, the name "Chang" was garbled into the word "Ping," but scholars disagree about the origin of the word "Pong." Some say it is a bastardization of the Mandarin dialect phrase Pon-gu, loosely translated as "table tennis." Say them ten times fast, and chances are you will discover that even the words "ping pong" sound Chinese!

2007

Horses: Man's Best Friend or Man's Best Fuel?

Recently our friends over at the Submarine World Network (long-time devotees of VLKF) have posted a Very Little Known thread in their forums. The original fact at issue: The word "horsepower" originally referred to the amount of energy released by burning the carcass of one dead horse, the primary source of fuel for early American steamboats.

And here was the post from Submarine enthusiast Donmac: I only checked out "Horsepower" as I know the above is wrong. So I must assume that since the above highlighted words in quote are false, so then the whole article (posting) may not be true...."Horsepower is defined as work done over time. The exact definition of one horsepower is 33,000 lb.ft./minute. Put another way, if you were to lift 33,000 pounds one foot over a period of one minute, you would have been working at the rate of one horsepower. In this case, you'd have expended one horsepower-minute of energy."

Of course, we here at Very Little Known Facts always encourage our readers to verify everything for themselves, since we are inevitably vindicated. In this case, it is obvious that no human being could possibly lift 33,000 pounds one foot over a period of one minute (or even an hour!) because this is why steamboats were invented in the first place.

2008

Superfan!

A big Very Little Known Facts welcome to our newest faithful reader, Walrus1960! Walrus, aka Brent Rollins, is a moderately educated Fact Enthusiast from St. Louis, Missouri—big props to the Granite State! Brent spends a lot of time on our site because "education is precious." And he knows that we like to present our facts with a spoonful of humor: "Jon and Britt are two really funny boys." Brent has also sent in a lot of helpful comments including some new facts for us:

A human cannot swallow his own foot if it is still attached to his body.
Dying from natural causes is not a tragedy.
Stephen Seagal’s father was a math teacher from Michigan.
Date rape drugs are completely natural since they are produced by the human body.

2009

Turkey Time, Gobble Gobble!

Some helpful holiday hints from your friends at Very Little Known Facts.

What Kind of Turkey Should I Buy?

The best turkey is one that is still alive. This allows you to name your turkey and get to know it before butchering, beheading, and preparing the corpse for consumption.

The next best option, but just as good, is buying a fresh turkey from a supermarket or farmer’s market or from your neighborhood turkey vendor. (Quick tip: Ask for a "turkey vulture," which is the scientific name for a wild turkey.)

Another choice is frozen turkey, which leaves something to be desired but is virtually indistinguishable from the previous two options.

NOTE: If you choose to serve a “frozen” turkey for Thanksgiving, you will need to unfreeze it prior to cooking. Do NOT attempt to cook a completely frozen turkey, as this is not recommended.

Last but certainly not least, you can choose a “turkey loaf” or “tofurkey” which is processed turkey parts mixed with filler and chicken stock then chemically recombined and mashed into a turkey-shaped form for cooking. This option is preferable if you have vegetarian or vegan guests for Thanksgiving.

2010

A brand new post thanking all the people that found us through the following search terms:

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Prank You Very Much

2010-04-22T22:55:00.004-04:00

Just in time for April Fool's, here are a few classic and a few brand new pranks to play on your friends and loved ones. No particular reason.

Replace someone’s favorite cereal with the generic version. Maybe they won’t even notice! Maybe they will even like it better! You can decide later if you want to tell them or keep it a secret to avoid repercussions.

Add food coloring to someone’s food. They might not eat food if they notice that the food is an unexpected color.

Here's a hilarious prank: Glue the salt and pepper to the table top. Ask someone to pass you the salt. What are they going to do when they can’t pick the salt up?

Mow your neighbor’s lawn in the middle of the night. Nobody expects to have their lawn mowed at night. Prank city!

Take a picture of your face. Print it. Now you can make a scary mask of you! Note: Do this in the kitchen for a “food-themed” prank.

Call a local pizzeria – Ask if they have a disc-o-dough to go! This will throw everyone for a loop. BONUS PRANK: Place a “real” order for a pizza during the call. Now you’ve got dinner covered as well!

Offer your beloved dog a meaty bone! When he comes to “collect” - Trip him! This falls into the category of animal or pet pranks.

Buy some layered cookie bars. Open them up, hollow them out, and fill them with mayonnaise and grass! Serve immediately! (Editors note: some grass is edible.)

CLASSIC PRANK: Peel off all the Campbell’s soup can labels and replace them with Andy Warhol’s painted labels. Be sure to match up the label with the soup can; otherwise you may have difficulty properly identifying the type of soup in the can.

Call a friend up on the telephone and always say the opposite of what they say. If they say “hello” you say “goodbye!” If they say “Why are you doing this?” you say “Why aren’t YOU doing this?” They will become frustrated and probably hang up.

Pro Tip: Everyone loves a funny prank, but be sure to get permission from your “victim” before tricking them. Otherwise you might cause offense. Be sure to select pranks that do not cause any harm or damage to the environment. Never perform a prank that could racially offend someone or cause excessive confusion. Always jump in and announce your prank as soon as it is discovered—that way everyone can enjoy the joke, and no one feels like a “victim.”

Unforgettable Images of the Decade

2010-01-01T19:45:00.001-05:00

Very Little Known Facts proudly presents a look back at the most dramatic, most incredible, most unforgettable images of the previous decade. Unfortunately, due to budget constraints, we could only afford to use images in the public domain as well as music in the public domain.

Enjoy!

2009: A Look Back at the Year in Review

2009-12-10T22:33:00.004-05:00

JANUARY: Barack “Hussein in the Membrane” Obama is sworn in as the forty-fourth president of the United States. However, due to a misspeaking of the oath of office by Chief Justice John Roberts and some confusion regarding a birth certificate, George W. Bush technically remains president for an extra hour and a half, during which time he issues blanket pardons for Dick Cheney, Colonel Oliver North, Richard Nixon, and Dr. Richard Kimball as played by Harrison Ford in the movie The Fugitive. During his inauguration speech Obama pledges to fix the economy, provide universal health care, balance the budget, achieve world peace and racial harmony, and reach across the aisle to work with Republicans. In a tragic twist, no Republicans actually hear this extended olive branch because Fox News was re-running an episode of Fox and Friends during the inauguration. Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich puts Barack Obama’s vacant Senate seat up for auction on ebay with buyer’s protection and free shipping.

FEBRUARY: Congress passes an economic stimulus package using some of the extra money the federal government has lying around. Record sales of ammunition are reported on rumors that President Obama has been sneaking into people’s homes at night to steal their guns. John McCain holds a press conference blaming the youth of America for his election loss. “I would have gotten away with the Presidency, too,” he says, “If it wasn't for those meddling kids.” Courageous voters in California solve the state’s budget crisis by banning gay marriage.

MARCH: Fugitive financier Bernie Madoff is arrested by federal agents when he emerges from hiding to apply for a government bailout. He cashes his $65 million executive bonus check from a prison yacht in the Caribbean. Democrats in Congress promise a vigorous debate on healthcare including many town hall meetings where the public can participate in the process. Republicans giggle and whisper amongst themselves at this but, when asked what is so funny, they just smile and say, “Oh, nothing.” Reeling from the economic collapse, the nation finds solace in the heart-warming relationship of famed Octomom Kate Gosselin and her doting husband Jon.

APRIL: Liberals applaud Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor as “the most politically correct choice imaginable” while Conservatives fume at the absurdity that a Latina woman could ever be wiser than a white male. South Carolina governor and white male Marc Sanford immediately sets off on an international fact-finding trip to investigate Latina women. Susan Boyle turns the media world upside down with the flabbergasting revelation that singing talent is not exclusive to nubile, spandex-wearing twenty-two-year-olds. After Navy Seals shoot three Somali pirates to rescue the captain of the Maersk Alabama; the Recording Industry Association of American asks the Navy to deploy the snipers against anyone downloading pirated movies from the internet.

MAY: House Speaker Nancy Pelosi hurts the feelings of the Central Intelligence Agency by having the nerve to suggest that the CIA would actually lie. Colleges and universities cancel their graduation ceremonies as almost all seniors skip their final exams—5% of them citing swine flu fears and 95% deliberating failing as a desperate ploy to stay in school and avoid the worst job market since the great depression. Vice President Joe Biden urges all Americans to panic; Washington D.C. legalizes gay marriage.

JUNE: States begin setting up Death Panels in a pre-emptive, cost-cutting move to eliminate the sick, elderly, unborn, and anyone exercising their second amendment rights. The first victims: Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and pitchman Billy Mays. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, a religious conservative exploiting the xenophobic nationalism of his rural followers, is declared the winner of Iran’s contested presidential election by an unelected body of officials; pundits chalk up another victory for Karl Rove. Marc Sanford admits tearily that he has been Hiking the Appalachian Trail with another woman. His wife announces that she has no plans to Hike the Appalachian Trail with Sanford at any point in the future again, ever.

JULY: Sarah Palin resigns as Governor of Alaska to spend more quality time with her family by loading them on a bus for her book tour. Conservatives blast former President Bill Clinton for securing the release of two journalists imprisoned by North Korea and demand that he produce his birth certificate before being allowed back in the country. The Death Panel body count continues to mount including Walter Cronkite, retired quarterback Steve McNair, and concept artist Christo. Glenn Beck’s head explodes on live television.

AUGUST: Afghanistan’s President Hamid Karzai dismisses reports of election fraud saying that his 110% share of the vote constitutes a clear mandate from the people. Former president Clinton googles “Hiking the Appalachian Trail Lady Gaga Megan Fox” but quickly switches to a Microsoft Excel spreadsheet when Hillary enters his office. Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger is caught attempting to burn down the entire state of California to collect the insurance money. “It’s the only option left,” he claims. After 60 Minutes produces a piece investigating Death Panels, producer Don Hewitt is found with a poison dart in his jugular. Later that same week Senator Ted Kennedy dies in what some refer to as a “gangland-style revenge killing.”

SEPTEMBER: President Obama appeals to Congress to pass comprehensive healthcare reform, urges America’s children to stay in school, and pushes for Chicago’s 2016 Olympics bid. Expressing their outrage at these socialist policies, millions of conservatives cancel their health insurance, pull their children out of school, and move to Rio de Janeiro. Ken Burns’ documentary The National Parks achieves the highest ratings ever for PBS with the “Appalachian Trail” episode featuring David Letterman, Jon Gosselin, basketball coach Rick Pitino, Senator John Ensign, and Miss California Carrie Prejean. Sarah Palin shocks the world by announcing that she is resigning her judgeship on American Idol to spend more quality time with her family. Death Panels claim Patrick Swayze and William Safire.

OCTOBER: In an effort at compromise, the Senate proposes a healthcare bill that only includes “a strongly worded suggestion” that insurance companies “should probably not cancel the policies of orphaned children with cancer.” Rush Limbaugh decries this unwarranted government intrusion into the private sector. After minimal news coverage of its latest withdrawal from multi-party disarmament talks, North Korea breathlessly announces that fearless leader Kim Jong Il is trapped in a runaway weather balloon. Photographer Irving Penn and commentator Lou Dobbs fall victim to Death Panels. Jack Kevorkian is named Secretary of Health and Human Services.

NOVEMBER: The House of Representatives passes a sweeping overhaul of the American healthcare system. Horrified, the Senate approves a resolution condemning this as an act of aggression. Mayor Michael Bloomberg wins re-election by writing a personal check to each New York City voter for $180. Sarah Palin resigns as honorary treasurer of the Wasilla Jaycees. The Department of the Interior awards Tiger Woods a special commendation for Hiking the Appalachian Trail more than any celebrity since Magic Johnson. Death Panels reap the lives of gameshow host Ken Ober and Uga VII, bulldog mascot of the University of Georgia.

DECEMBER: During a very special episode of Holiday American Idol, the secular media declare victory in the War on Christmas. Congressional Democrats announce triumphantly that they have a new, comprehensive healthcare bill that will empower roving Death Panels to solve the problems of homelessness, unemployment, poverty, the looming insolvency of Social Security, and the continued celebrity of Sarah Palin. In a long-expected move, the bank finally forecloses on the city of Detroit. In his acceptance speech for the Nobel Peace prize, President Obama announces the immediate closure of the Guantanamo Bay detention camp, the end of the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” military policy, the revoking of the USA Patriot Act, and sweeping changes to U.S. environmental, public transit, energy, and agriculture policies to promote sustainability and fight the effects of global warming. “Sorry I didn’t get around to doing all that sooner,” he says. “I was on Facebook and I guess I lost track of time.”

An Impromptu Interview with Nipsey Russell

2009-12-05T10:14:00.004-05:00

I was coming back from an extended Thanksgiving stay with my extended family in Miami, Florida when I thought I saw a familiar face at the Miami airport. As I got closer, it was a familiar face indeed…the famed game show host Mr. Nipsey Russell! Of course he was mobbed by adoring fans-including me!

Luckily I carry my press credentials from VLKF on me at all times. Once I whipped that out, Mr. Russell eagerly agreed to do an interview right then and there! Well, almost then and there…We quickly retired to the Delta Airlines Crown Room Club® where we were promptly admitted as I showed a second set of credentials: my international fax technician identification. Fixing faxes pays off in more ways than the obvious!

So here it is: my impromptu interview with Nipsey Russell.

VLKF: I used to fix the fax machines for this club. Have you ever fixed a fax machine?

Russell: No.

VLKF: How did you get your start hosting game shows?

Russell: I started out back in ’65 hosting Here is Your Life with Merv Griffin. After that I moved on to Family Feud and a few other shows here and there. I was actually the first African-American host to appear in reruns on the Game Show Network.

VLKF: Truly inspiring. You have often been described as the poet laureate of the United States of America. How does this make you feel, and how did this start?

Russell: If you ever go out with a schoolteacher, you’re in for a sensational night; she’ll make you do it over and over again until you do it right.

VLKF: That’s beautiful. Did you just make that up?

Russell: No, of course not. That was Ezra Pound.

VLKF: Ah, she was one of the greats.

Russell: Indeed.

VLKF: Your work as a serious actor was described by president Obama as “pivotal for the advancement of African American artists.” What was it like acting in such true classics as In the Heat of the Night? And do you think that In the Heat of the Night will ever be shown on television?

Russell: Don’t be ignorant. There is a time and a place for everything there is, but now is the time when I gotta take a whizz.

VLKF: You are certainly no stranger to controversy, especially in the early nineties when you denounced your former friend Dick Clark as a fraud and a charlatan. Any regrets?

Russell: I am a straight shooter. I calls ‘em like I sees ‘em, and I sees ‘em like I calls ‘em.

VLKF: Can you tell us more about your son David Hampton and his attempt to pass himself off as the son of Sidney Poitier?

Russell: No comment.

VLKF: How have the recent internet rumors concerning your death affected your career?

Russell: I will survive. As long as I know how to love, I know I’ll stay alive. I’ve got all my life to live, I’ve got all my love to give, and I’ll survive.

VLKF: Have you ever incorporated any of your poetry into your game show or acting work?

Russell: No.

VLKF: Oh, I see. Do you have anything else that you would like to share with our readers today, Nipsey?

Russell: Playing Family Feud today are some talented women and men; lost their jobs giving money away, so now they're trying to win!

VLKF: Thank you. That was wonderful. Thank you.

Today Only: Cavalcade of Facts

2009-12-01T18:33:00.003-05:00

Birds do not sleep in their own nests. They must instead find a nest made by another bird or woodland creature to sleep in.

DRY CLEAN ONLY: A company in Japan sells underwear made from toilet paper.

The word "lamination" is derived from "lamentation" because funeral directors often covered their business cards in plastic so they would not be ruined by tears.

According to one estimate, comedian Tyler Perry is the world’s richest transvestite.

Approximately 175 million cubic yards of earth was dug up or dredged from waterways to create the Panama Canal. This material was used to form the country of Ecuador.

In 1982, a cactus in Phoenix, Arizona killed a man.

THINK OF THE RACCOONS: Due to the possibility of animals nesting in your engine block, PETA recommends that you shout, beep the horn, and bang the car door before entering any car parked outdoors.

The "Mexican Hat Dance" is the unofficial dance of Mexico.

Leslie Easterbrook, who played Callahan in the "Police Academy" movies, sang the National Anthem at Super Bowl 17.

People who wear dentures are often afraid to eat.

Turkey Time, Gobble Gobble!

2009-11-15T12:03:00.003-05:00

Some helpful holiday hints from your friends at Very Little Known Facts.

What Kind of Turkey Should I Buy?

The best turkey is one that is still alive. This allows you to name your turkey and get to know it before butchering, beheading, and preparing the corpse for consumption.

The next best option, but just as good, is buying a fresh turkey from a supermarket or farmer’s market or from your neighborhood turkey vendor. (Quick tip: Ask for a "turkey vulture," which is the scientific name for a wild turkey.)

Another choice is frozen turkey, which leaves something to be desired but is virtually indistinguishable from the previous two options. NOTE: If you choose to serve a “frozen” turkey for Thanksgiving, you will need to unfreeze it prior to cooking. Do NOT attempt to cook a completely frozen turkey, as this is not recommended.

Last but certainly not least, you can choose a “turkey loaf” or “tofurkey” which is processed turkey parts mixed with filler and chicken stock then chemically recombined and mashed into a turkey-shaped form for cooking. This option is preferable if you have vegetarian or vegan guests for Thanksgiving.

What Do I Do with This Thing?

For live turkeys, be sure to wring the turkey’s neck, drain it’s blood, and de-feather before cooking. Failure to do so may yield undesirable results.

Fresh turkeys that are already dead require the least preparation. Adventurous eaters may even try the giblets “al dente” which is Italian for “sushi-style.” But be sure you are up-to-date on your salmonella shots! (Just kidding. Salmonella has been virtually eradicated in the First World.)

Frozen turkeys need a little more preparation. Unfreezing is a process that takes two to three weeks, so plan ahead. You will need enough counter space to hold one turkey and several air fresheners as the turkey ripens and begins to emit it’s signature scent. Do not be alarmed if the turkey becomes “overripe” as this is the desired result; just like Kobe beef and fine wines, the best turkeys are aged to perfection.

Another option prior to cooking is brining. This involves soaking the turkey for up to one month in a salty solution. The simplest brining method is salt water which is available to our readers who have seaside access; simply tether your turkey carefully to a pier, rock, or anchor and then let it soak in the ocean. Note that this method requires vigilance as crabs, eels, and jellyfish may attempt to pilfer bits of raw turkey from the carcass. In fact, you may want to plan on losing up to 50% of the breast meat during this seasalt brining process (crustaceans prefer white meat to dark.) Be sure to check for jellyfish eggs after retrieving the turkey.

How Do I Cook This Thing?

The classic way of preparing a turkey is roasting. Traditionally this is done via rigging a spit using two forked sticks in the fireplace and having a small child or neighborhood urchin rotate the spit slowly, slowly, slowly. This is how those delicious “rotisserie” turkeys you see in supermarkets are prepared. (Of course, due to child labor laws, midgets or other Small People are employed by the supermarket instead of urchins.)

If you do not have a fireplace, you may roast the turkey in a conventional or “convection” oven. For bigger birds, crank up the broiler to ensure the correct internal temperature. Below sea level, this should be at least 200 degrees Fahrenheit (232 degrees Celsius). For higher altitudes, adjust accordingly.

Another option is pan frying, a sure-fire crowd-pleaser that imparts some down-home Southern goodness. Simply coat your turkey breasts, legs, thighs, and wings in batter and dunk them in a stock pot filled to capacity with boiling oil. The results may surprise you—and as a bonus, you will have the lingering aroma of fry oil in your house throughout the winter months!

A third option is smoking. Smoked turkey is considered a delicacy in some circles, while it is an unmentionable abomination in others. Do the research ahead of time to make sure you don’t horribly offend your guests, especially if they include any Azerbaijanis!

To smoke a turkey, fire up your grill. Charcoal works best, but if you have a gas grill, just load it up with leaves or pine needles from the yard. Crank up that temperature—remember that you are cooking the turkey inside and out. Place the turkey on the grill and cover. After an hour turn the turkey. NEVER turn the turkey more than once or you will lose those coveted grill marks!

Serving Suggestions

Carving a turkey is a lost art form—do not attempt it. Instead, simply serve the turkey “family style” by placing it in the middle of the table and allowing your guests, starting with the elders and moving down the line in order of importance, to pull the meat off by hand until the carcass is picked clean. Add dried parsley as a garnish.

What Do I Do With All This Leftover Turkey?

If you planned correctly, you will have exactly the amount of turkey desired by everyone present and no more. However, we are only human, and some people feel guilty about simply chucking that leftover meat in the back yard for the raccoons. Why not try putting pieces of turkey between two slices of white sandwich bread? Or maybe make your own turkey loaf using leftover turkey bits and freezing it for next year’s Thanksgiving feast? The possibilities are endless.

Bonus Fact:

The country Turkey ironically does not have any live turkeys outside the national zoo in Damascus!

Facts Known Only by the Very Little

2009-10-12T13:08:00.006-04:00

Some fish can actually get seasick.

Panama hats are primarily produced in Panama.

SO MANY CHOICES...There are around 35 different ways a chess game can turn out, making it one of the hardest games in history.

Cleopatra was Abyssinian, not Egyptian.

Due to a translation error, the Korean War never technically ended.

Vesta is the brightest asteroid orbiting Mercury which has no moons or satellites.

EVERYBODY'S WORKING FOR THE WEEKEND: It requires 4,500 silkworms to make just the knot in a man's silk necktie.

In France, women could not legally vote until 1978.

There are more than 500 feathers on the whistler swan's body, the most of any bird.

Women blink twice as many times as men.

Vatican employees are required to submit a bi-monthly blood test.

Today’s Freshmen Class

2009-08-21T13:06:00.008-04:00

The world of today’s youth is a far different place than any world you or I have ever known. Instead of calling their friends using old-fashioned rotary-dial and cellular mobile phones, they prefer to communicate via tweets and sexts. Instead of wearing flip-flops to class like we did, they wear flip-flops and sometimes Crocs. Instead of sexy vampires as imagined by Anne Rice, they only know sexy vampires from Twilight. And instead of watching the evening news to learn what is going on in the world, they don’t watch any news at all because that is boring.

To give you an idea of how the Class of 2013 thinks, we at VLKF have prepared a few facts about Generation Z.

A freshmen just starting college in the fall of 2009 was probably born in 1991. The Simpsons have been on TV for their entire life. Kurt Cobain has been dead for their entire life. The Soviet Union has never existed, and stockbrokers have always been cooler than astronauts.

They have never used typewriters or toaster ovens.

They will look at you blankly if you ask them “Where’s the beef?” over and over again.

Pluto has never been a planet, but Planet Hollywood has.

They have never drunk warm milk straight from a cow’s udder.

They never learned to duck and cover, leaving them woefully unprepared for nuclear attacks.

Will Smith, Johnny Depp, and Tom Hanks are considered serious actors because they have never seen The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, 21 Jump Street, or The Da Vinci Code.

They don’t like that music you listen to. What is that, like the Grateful Dead or something?

For these students, Captain Kangaroo, Alf Landon, Charles Manson, Buddy Ebsen, the Big Bopper, Michael Jackson, and punk rock have always been dead.

They don’t remember a time when a Bush or a Clinton was not representing America to the world in some capacity, and they don’t care.

They don’t like Vegamite or Tang. They prefer Britney Spears to Gina Lollobrigada.

For them, libraries are places where homeless people update their Facebook status. Apothecaries are now pharmacies, except they call them “drug stores.” Marijuana has always been legal.

Books have always been read using a Kindle. They have never read a magazine printed on paper, nor have they ever used a movable type block-letter press.

Under duress, they can lift several times their own body weight.

Vinyl records and compact discs are completely foreign totems representing mysterious ancient technology and cultural rituals that have something to do with Dixieland jazz.

They don’t even know about the Frost-Nixon interviews or the Spanish Civil War.

They can’t remember when the Brooklyn Dodgers became the Anaheim Angels.

Arnold Schwarzenegger has always been a politician, not an oiled-up, mostly-naked Austrian strongman.

They believe that all pain and suffering is merely an illusion because the world is spiritual rather than physical in nature, therefore accepting medical care is a sign that your faith is…wait, that’s Christian Scientists, not college freshmen.

The Segway changed everything for them--but then again, it changed everything for everybody.

They have never felt the savage, primeval joy of killing an animal with their bare hands and plunging their teeth into its still-warm flesh.

For the sole purpose of irritating old people like you, they dress up in stupid clothing from thrift stores, choose silly hairstyles, drink cheap beer, and pretend to like things ironically.

They can’t remember when the word “gay” meant “happy” instead of “gay.”

Today Is Not Opposite Day

2009-05-15T09:12:00.004-04:00

Happy Opposite Day! Sike! Actually you should not celebrate Opposite Day because today is not Opposite Day. Because it is.

Opposite Day originated in Canada for the television show You Can’t Do That On Television, which was ironically broadcast on television. It is celebrated today, which is at the exact opposite end of the calendar year from Boxing Day. Interestingly, Boxing Day itself was first celebrated as the opposite of Christmas, the American holiday. On Boxing Day Canadian children are asked to put one of their Christmas presents back in a box to give to someone else.

On land, fires move faster uphill than they do downhill. On water, the opposite is true.

Beach Adjacent: Every single house in the state of Florida is within 80 miles of a beach. For cities along the coast, this distance is even shorter. The opposite is true of landlocked North Dakota.

December is the most popular month in the Phillipines. What is the least popular month? Also December, for Namibians in any case. There is no February in the Cayman Islands. The Turkish calendar does not have Wednesdays due to the fact that this was a traditional holy day in the Eastern Orthodox church.

If it's not Scottish... Scottish boxes of crayons have three different shades of green, all of them named simply “Scottish Green.” The opposite is true in Belize, where there is no word corresponding to the color green in the local dialect—even though they speak English!

It is illegal to tip in Iceland. The opposite is true in Greenland, where tipping is mandatory but at the discretion of the patron.

Synonym is the opposite of antonym. Antonym is an antonym for synonym, which means synonym is an antonym for antonym. A synonym for synonym is analogue. Opposite is a synonym for antonym.

The following articles are not related to this subject in any capacity:

Ketchup Is the Opposite of Mustard
Chocolate Is the Opposite of Vanilla
The Beatles Are the Opposite of the Rolling Stones

VLKF Offices Closed Due to Swine Flu Scare

2009-04-30T16:28:00.004-04:00

The Very Little Known Facts corporate offices will be closed until May 4 due to concerns arising from the H1N1 swine flu epidemic.

As a side note, in the future VLKF employees should regularly clear out their lunch products from the break room fridge. It is especially important to remove expired foodstuffs such as deli-sliced Boars Head Black Forest Ham, which has a tendency to grow a distinctive green mold after several weeks, a mold completely unrelated to and not capable of infecting anyone with the H1N1 flu virus.

For more information about influenza and common mythconceptions thereof, see our article Cold and Flu Season: Myths, Facts, and Legends.

A New Year Brings New Danger

2009-04-01T09:43:00.007-04:00

Since April 1 is the first day of the vernal equinox, we at Very Little Known Facts thought it only fitting that we "spring" into the new year with some dire warnings.

Watch out old timer! Up to 90% of nursing home inhabitants have aids, gonorrhea, or herpes. This is due to the fact that people could not afford common antibiotics like bactine during the Great Depression.

If you hold your breath, no insect can sting or bite you.

Are you chicken? The best way to deal with a snake bite: after bitten, immediately apply a fresh chicken breast as a poultice. That is where we get the English word poultry.

If you survive a snake bite to the toe, the bone in your toe will eventually wither and die.

Even non-poisonous snakes, although they are safe, have venom that can be transmitted via a snake bite. You can tell a non-poisonous (safe) snake from a poisonous (non-safe) snake by the markings.

Sushi anyone? Due to the global recession, shark attacks are down worldwide. Scientists and marine biologists tell us that this could ultimately lead to starving shark populations attacking in a "feeding frenzy" of feeding.

Horoscope for Agoraphobes

2008-06-10T14:49:00.003-04:00

Astronomers tell us that horoscopes are based on cosmic truths, that the perfectly circular orbits of planets, moons, and galaxies around the sun affect us in mysterious ways, ways that we are only beginning to understand, but ways that we are pretty sure have something to do with our birthdays. (Or, if you were adopted, the date of your legal adoption.)

Certainly you have heard by now that Mercury is in retrograde. But what does that mean to you if you are a Pisces? What does that mean if you are a Pisces who just happens to be agoraphobic? Here at Very Little Known Facts, we could not help but notice that those suffering from agoraphobia are often completely overlooked in so-called “normal” astrological charts. So, without further ado, here are this week’s horoscopes for agoraphobes.

Aries (March 21 to April 20) – Jupiter is in ascendency early in the week. Avoid large, open spaces.

Taurus (April 21 to May 21) – Antares will be visible 10 degress above the horizon until moonrise. Stay indoors whenever possible.

Gemini (May 21 to June 21) – Neptune reaches apogee by Thursday. You may run out of meds. Just to be sure, call you phsychiatrist.

Cancer (June 22 to July 22) Don’t leave the house.

Leo (July 23 to August 22) Mercury aligns with Venus. There are just too many people out there. Don’t chance it.

Virgo (August 23 to August 24) – Seriously. Stay inside, or at least under a tree.

Libra (September 24 to October 22) – You know that really small closet tucked underneath the stairs? That seems like a safe place.

Scorpio (October 23 to November 22) – Impediments to work exist while Saturn is in your house; delay any new business ventures until late in the week. Your romantic endeavors will be smiled upon. Also, don’t leave the house.

Sagittarius (November 24 to December 21) – Challenges arise re: your agoraphobia. For instance, why didn’t you just pull the car all the way into the garage last night? What were you thinking?

Gemini (December 22 to January 20) – Something is going on with asteroids or something. Maybe a wide-brimmed hat or dark sunglasses will help.

Pisces (February 20 to March 20) – Don’t leave the house.

*Note that some dates overlap. If your birthday falls on one of these overlapping dates, you can choose your sign as desired.

Superdelegates: Not So Super?

2008-03-06T08:50:00.002-05:00

You have probably heard a lot of talk, or even banter being bandied about regarding the so-called “superdelegates” who may have the power to swing the Democratic nomination for president. If you are like some, you may well be wondering. Examples of the kinds of questions you may encounter within your wondering self are:

What exactly are super-delegates?

Where do they come from?

What do they want from us?

To understand the phenomenon of Super Delegates, we must first return to the mainstay of American democracy, the Electoral College. The founding fathers included the Electoral College as the third, or “bicameral” branch of government as a check and/or balance against the power of the other branches, the Judiciary and the Bureaucracy.

The word “Electoral” itself comes from the Latin root Electra, the mythological female assassin who stalks the streets preying on evil-doers. Just as you can take any course you want as an “elective” in regular college, the “electors” in the Electoral college can vote for anybody they want. This insulates the government from the so-called “tyranny of the majority” where the candidate with the most votes wins the election. (See Hayes v. Tilden, Bush v. Gore, etc.)

Luckily, nowadays we have many sedimentary layers and substrata between voters and elected officials to limit access and prevent undue voter influence on government. The Supreme Court has consistently ruled that donating huge sums of money to forward a political agenda is a form of free speech, which is of course a self-evident truth since all men are created equal. Of course, all men do not have equal bank account balances and stock portfolios, because that would be Communism. And there are no super-delegates in Communism.

So, in summation, only Communists are against superdelegates, and God Bless the Enlightened Voters of these United States of America. Except for those voters in Florida and Michigan which don’t count this year.*

*Superdelegates from Florida and Michigan still count.

Superfan!

2008-02-27T08:57:00.004-05:00

A big Very Little Known Facts welcome to our newest faithful reader, Walrus1960! Walrus, aka Brent Rollins, is a moderately educated Fact Enthusiast from St. Louis, Missouri—big props to the Granite State! Brent spends a lot of time on our site because "education is precious." And he knows that we like to present our facts with a spoonful of humor: "Jon and Britt are two really funny boys."

Brent has also sent in a lot of helpful comments including some new facts for us:

A human cannot swallow his own foot if it is still attached to his body.

Dying from natural causes is not a tragedy.

Stephen Seagal’s father was a math teacher from Michigan.

Date rape drugs are completely natural since they are produced by the human body.

And he had one correction for us from our post entitled The Line Everybody Says from That Movie:

The line about badges was actually from Born in East L.A., Cheech Marin says "I don't need no stinkin' green card."

Thanks for the correction!

As a final note, we want to join Brent in making 2008 the year that ignorance is ceased to spread. We want to urge all our readers to cease the spread of ignorance as soon as possible. As Brent says, “You can help.”

Of course, Very Little Known Facts is committed to doing what we can. As Brent says, “There are children and adults depending on credible resources out here.” Well, from all of us here at VLKF: you are welcome.

Thanks for your comments, Brent! Keep up the good work!

Start the New Year Off with Facts!

2008-01-11T13:01:00.000-05:00

Marshmallows are extracted from the mucilanginous roots of the marshmallow plant, which grows in swamps and other fetid areas.

In industry terms, a “stewardess” can refer to a female or male flight attendant.

The only new species of mammal that has appeared in the last 1,000 years is the labradoodle.

The state of Alabama still accepts Confederate scrip as payment for state income taxes.

A single apple seed contains enough arsenic to kill an adult horse—but not an adult human!

All the continents begin and end with the same letter. The only exceptions are North America, South America, and Eurasia.

If you swallow your Adam’s apple, you will choke to death.

The Viking explorer Leif Garrett discovered America centuries before Columbus or the Native Americans.

2007: What a Year in Review

2007-12-21T08:49:00.000-05:00

January – A Muslim (or Moslem) congressman is sworn in using a Quran (or Koran) once owned by Thomas Jefferson; the TSA immediately adds Thomas Jefferson to the No-Fly list. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales announces that although he has no recollection of personally authorizing the firing of federal attorneys based on politics, he will definitely investigate himself. With 0% of the primary returns tallied, the press anoints Senator John McCain as Frontrunner and Foregone Conclusion with all other Republican contenders vying to be his running mate. Hogzilla’s reign of terror over South Georgia comes to a violent end; local residents describe the boar as huge, horrifying, and delicious.

February – President George W. Bush accuses Iran of destabilizing the security situation in Iraq; Iran responds by saying that the U.S. is doing a great job of destabilizing Iraq without their help. Footballer David Beckham arrives with great fanfare in Los Angeles only to discover that the city’s football team moved to St. Louis years ago. Astronaut Lisa Nowak is arrested after driving from Texas to Florida while wearing a diaper in a bizarre space-sex kidnapping plot. When asked if she planned on using the diaper during the trip or stopping for bathroom breaks, she replies, “Depends.” Anna Nicole Smith dies tragically of untreatable celebrity.

March – The Democratic Congress finally stands up to President Bush by funding the Iraq war with no timetable for troop withdrawal. They do include a caveat in the spending bill stating that the President can’t make them like it. An audit reveals that the FBI misused certain provisions of the USA Patriot Act to spy on the Facebook accounts of American citizens. Philosopher Jean Baudrillard dies—really. With 0% of the primary contests decided, TV talking heads unanimously declare former New York City mayor Rudy Giuliani as the de-facto Republican nominee due to the events of 9/11.

April – In response to a subpoena for any e-mails from White House adviser Karl Rove, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales says he has no recollection of anyone by that name. Former Deputy Secretary of Defense Paul Wolfowitz loses his job as president of the World Bank—not for being one of the chief architects of the disastrous U.S. occupation of postwar Iraq, but for giving his girlfriend a raise. Radio personality Don Imus loses a game of horse against the Rutgers women’s basketball team; he only gets two letters. With 0% of the primary votes cast, political pundits tap Senator Barack Obama as a shoe-in for the Democratic nomination due to his unstoppable momentum and his natural African-Indonesian-Hawaiian-American charisma.

May – Mormon presidential candidate Mitt Romney reveals that his favorite books are the Bible and Battlefield Earth; John McCain says his favorite books are the Quran (Koran) and Atlas Shrugged; Rudy Giuliani announces that his favorites are the Torah and whatever Christian Scientists read. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales claims he has no recollection of getting his job by visiting John Ashcroft in the hospital and tricking him into altering his will. As a direct result of Congress’s boycott of French fries in favor of Freedom fries, the conservative candidate Nicolas Sarkozy is elected president of France.

June – Inspired by America’s plan to bring democracy to the Middle East, the democratically elected terrorist organization Hamas takes over the Gaza Strip. Senator Ted Stevens (R-Alaska) urges Congress to finance his proposed "Bridge to Nowhere" because Alaska has less bridges and more nowhere than any other U.S. state of equal size. Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, Amy Winehouse, Keith Urban, Robin Williams, Brigitte Nielsen, Richie Sambora, and David Hasselhoff make the news and ensure their continuing celebrity by checking into rehab. Always one step ahead of the curve, Paris Hilton goes to prison. President George W. Bush, facing flagging popularity, reminds the American people that he once went to rehab also.

July – An internet hacker discovers that the CIA has been editing wikipedia entries, but a quick wikipedia search finds no evidence of the existence of such an agency. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales denies having any recollection of the CIA or any other acronym. TV actor Fred Thompson announces that he just might consider declaring himself a theoretical contender for the presidency, possibly. Republican officials immediately enthrone him as the future of the party after carefully weighing the 0% of actual votes cast in the primaries. Bowing to FEC rules, NBC gives each candidate from both parties their own Law & Order spin-off.

August – David Vitter, a Republican Senator from Louisiana, admits to having sex with a prostitute and apologizes for perpetuating the stereotype of the senator from Louisiana who has sex with prostitutes. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales resigns, saying that he has no recollection of ever being attorney general. With 0% of exit poll results from the primaries in, the nation’s media pronounce that Senator Hillary Clinton’s fundraising prowess will most definitely make her the first female to head the ticket of a major American political party. Former President Bill Clinton smiles and claps politely. Senator Larry S. Craig of Idaho is arrested for attempting to use the bathroom in a homosexual fashion.

September – In response to Turkey’s threats to attack Kurdish separatist camps inside Iraq, Washington reminds its NATO ally that large, complex, socio-political issues can’t be solved simply by invading another country. Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad visits the United States to deny the following:

The support of terrorist organizations by Iran.
The existence of a secret nuclear weapons program in Iran.
The existence of homosexuals in Iran.
The existence of Israel.
The Holocaust.
That he is now or ever has been a member of the Communist Party.

October – When asked by Congress about the controversial practice of waterboarding, Michael Mukasey (the nominee for Attorney General) points out that anyone with a computer can look up “torture” on wikipedia and see that waterboarding does not qualify. Al Gore wins the Nobel Prize for inventing the internet. With exactly 0% of the American people having spoken at the voting booth, news outlets posit either Scientologist Mitt Romney or Arkansian Mike Huckabee as the single, solitary, inevitable choice for the Republican nomination due to the fact that they both believe in some kind of Supreme Being, unlike any other candidate of either party.

November – FEMA apologizes for orchestrating a fake press conference about its response to the San Diego wildfires; the agency goes on to say that the fake press conference was still more constructive than anything it did the first week after Hurricane Katrina. Home run champion Barry Bonds is indicted for perjury, quarterback Michael Vick is convicted for running a dog fighting ring, and runner Marion Jones loses her five Olympic gold medals after admitting to steroid use. Experts urge parents to buy more video games for their kids to keep them from developing a dangerous interest in sports.

December – The CIA divulges that it destroyed videotapes of prisoner interrogations by posting them to wikipedia. A new National Intelligence report reveals that Iran abandoned its secret nuclear weapons program in 2003. The report does not address the existence of homosexuals in Iran. President Bush sends Senator Larry S. Craig to investigate. Former Attorney General Alberto Gonzales says he has no recollection of going to the bathroom with Senator Craig. Since the beginning of primary season (and therefore the end of primary season) is right around the corner, Washington insiders, bloggers, wags, and other windbags proclaim that unlike any other election in history, this one is up for grabs.*

*Unless you are John Edwards, Ron Paul, Joe Biden, Alan Keyes, Chris Dodd, Dennis Kucinich, Tom Tancredo, Mike Gravel, Duncan Hunter, or Bill Richardson. Then you have absolutely no chance ever, ever. And don’t even think about mentioning a third party candidate. Are you kidding? Having more than two choices is NOT what democracy is all about. It’s in the Constitution or the Declaration of Independence or something. Maybe the Gettysburg Address. In any case, you don’t want to throw away your vote, do you? Do you?

Cold and Flu Season Strikes Back!

2007-12-06T08:46:00.000-05:00

Ah yes, as Christmas and/or the Holiday Season approaches, so also lurks the sinister specter of Cold and Flu Season 2007-2008.

But take heart! Scientists are beginning to understand the diabolical mechanisms of this potentially deadly or possibly just annoying duo of illnesses.

As a supplement to our groundbreaking post for last year's Cold and Flu Season, our crack researchers have found the following articles that pretty much tell you all you need to know about how to avoid getting sick:

Cold and Flu germs are spread indoors much more easily than outdoors. Remember that you get sick from people, so always avoid other people at all cost. This article also tells you to bundle up since lowering your body's temperature do to cold hampers your immune response and makes you more susceptible to infection.

Cold and Flu germs are spread outdoors much more easily than indoors. This article highlights new research showing that germs hang in the cold air, so whatever you do don't leave your house. Additionally, a slate.com article about this article tells you that dressing warmly is absolutely no protection against getting sick, so let's all party naked in the snow!

For even more internet health information that is even more definitive than this internet health information, check out our previous article Health Info on the Internet: Lethal? If you don't read it, you might already have cancer.

Name That Name

2007-12-03T09:31:00.000-05:00

Isn’t it inconvenient when famous people have similar names? I mean, how are you supposed to keep up with your favorite celebrities when you can’t remember the difference between Bruce Jenner and Bruce Jennings, Rod Serling and Rod Steiger, or Liv Tyler and Lili Taylor and Liz Taylor?

Well, we here at Very Little Known Facts have come up with some handy pneumatic devices to jog your memory about who’s who,what’s what, and which one is which!

Sheena Is a Punk Rocker…Or Was it Sheila?

Even the most rabid Prince fans have trouble distinguishing between Sheila E. and Sheena Easton. Here’s an easy way to keep them straight:

Sheena E. actually had the last name Estefan—which meant she was the sister of Miami Vice Sound Machine singer Gloria Estefan.

Sheila Easton also went by the name Apollonia.

Obama, Osama, Let’s Call the Whole Thing Off

Much has been made of the fact that the Senator from Illinois and official candidate for President of the United States is named Barack Hussein Obama. Any relation to Osama Bin Laden or Saddam Hussein? Not that we know of—but then again, you never can tell.

Mary Carey, Quite Contrary

Although their names sound similar, there really is no confusing the porn star Mary Carey who ran for governor of California and the singer Mariah Carey. But that didn’t stop Mariah from suing Mary, who was forced to change her name to Brittany Speares.

Simply Reds

Many people get Red Skelton, Red Buttons, and Red Foxx mixed up. How can you keep track of these three redheads? Try this method:

There was a widespread rumor that actor Red Skelton was so named because he had a red skeleton due to a rare condition. To quell these rumors, in 1996 a Los Angeles Superior Court judge ordered his corpse exhumed, and a post-mortem autopsy revealed that he died tragically of natural causes.

Red Buttons was actually just a stage name. He died in 2003 and had no confirmed autopsy.

Red Foxx played the role of Sanford and Son on the TV show with the same name. His real name was Red Fox, and foxes have red fur. Ironically, Red Foxx died of a heart attack, just like his TV character. He will be missed by some.

Who Gives a Rip?

Could anyone really confuse the wacky antics of confetti-tossing Rip Taylor with the gravitas of actor Rip Torn? Perhaps. But one way to keep them “straight” is to think of R.I.P. which stands for Rest In Paradise, a homonym often seen on gravestones. You can apply this memory device to whichever one of the two Rips dies first. To make it more fun, perhaps you can start an office betting pool!

That’s a Fact, Jacks

Many people get the popular actor Jack Nicholson and the popular golfer Jack Nicklaus confused because they have similar names. A good way to remember the difference is that Jack Nicholson is the son of Jack Nicklaus.

They Call Me Mr. P.

Actor Sydney Poitier and director Sidney Pollack have both had distinguished careers in Hollywood, but sometimes it's hard to know which one is which. Sidney Poitier is the black one.

He Coulda Been Somebody

Oftentimes moviegoers are often perplexed by the fit, attractive actor named Marlon Brando who starred in On the Waterfront and A Streetcar Named Desire and the bald, overweight ham named Marlon Brando who starred in Superman 2 and The Island of Dr. Moreau. Bizarrely, these are the same person!

The Fabulous Baldwin Brothers Boys

How many Baldwin brothers are there? Surprisingly, the answer is several. Here’s how you can keep them straight:

Alec Baldwin is an Oscar- and Emmy-nominated actor of screen and stage who was named by People magazine as one of the 50 most beautiful people in the world. His film credits include Beetlejuice, The Hunt for Red October, Glengarry Glen Ross, and Pearl Harbor. Alec currently plays the boss in the hit NBC sitcom 30 Rock.

Daniel Baldwin played a vampire in the movie Vampires. He also played a homicide detective in the TV show Homicide.

William Baldwin is Alec’s brother. He changed his stage name to Emilio Estevez to make it on his own outside his big brother's shadow.

Adam Baldwin got his big break in Stanley Kubrick’s Full Metal Jacket and now stars in the TV show Chuck.

Stephen Baldwin followed up his role in The Usual Suspects by co-starring with Pauly Shore in Bio-Dome. Recently he was in that one episode of The Sopranos.

Billy Baldwin was in that movie about firemen.

The Conspiracy against the War on Thanksgiving!

2007-11-21T09:07:00.000-05:00

Much has been made of the so-called "War on the Holidays" in which sinister, unnamed forces have manipulated their behind-the-scenes machinations toward unknown (and possibly unknowable) ends. But how much of this is true fact, and how much is conjecture?

The answer, shockingly, is BOTH!

MYTH: President Harry S. Truman issued the first Presidential pardon to a White House turkey.

TRUTH: Truman never pardoned the turkey; in fact, he probably ate it.

THE WHOLE TRUTH: After dropping the atomic bomb on Hiroshima and Nagano, Truman felt that the "sins of a nation" were upon his shoulders. In the great Jewish tradition of the scapegoat, President Truman transferred America's guilt to the unsuspecting fowl, which was then ritualistically sacrificed according to the ancient traditions of Yale University. Some say this dark rite led to his "surprise" re-election victory over Dewey, a vegan, while others maintain that this was chiefly due to the majority of Electors who voted for him 41 days after the general election of 1948, thus leading to his electoral college victory and subsequent second term.

MYTH: The first Thanksgiving was a religious holiday created by the Pilgrims to give thanks to God for his blessings, peace with the Native Americans, and their freedom of religion in America.

TRUTH: The Pilgrims were religious extremists who were themselves intolerant and disapproved of the natives for gambling and growing hemp.

THE WHOLE TRUTH: Nobody alive today knows the fate of the Lost Colony of Plymouth Rock, but controversy swirls around which group of European Caucasians was the first to exploit the resources and native peoples of North America. Italians and Italian-Americans proudly point to Christopher Columbus as the first white to enslave the indigenous peoples. Others contend that Viking settlers were murdering aboriginal Americans long before the Spanish or the English. In any case, we can all agree that the United States was made great despite the tragic sacrifices of Native Americans who, face it, never built any skyscrapers for themselves on the island of Manhattan.
MYTH: Turkey makes you sleepy.

TRUTH: Tryptophan, aka triptophan or "trips" or GHB, is a central nervous system depressant that is used to relieve pain, particularly at the synapses of the nucleus accumbens. Scientists tell us that no other compound is as effective at pain relief as tryptophan; however, it's side effects (including drowsiness, loss of appetite, and lethargy) and it's highly addictive qualities make it a dangerous compound.

THE WHOLE TRUTH: Most Americans get sleepy on Thanksgiving after eating too much and sitting in front of the television.

The Line Everybody Says from That Movie

2007-11-06T13:09:00.000-05:00

Everybody loves the movies, and everybody loves hearing people quote lines from their favorite movies. Here at Very Little Known Facts, we have compiled the most popular lines quoted from the most popular movies. Check out these Hollywood quotes from your favorite celebrity actors and actresses, and see how many you can work into everyday conversation!

“Show me the money!” and “You had me at hello.” Jerry Maguire

“Love means never having to say sorry.” Love Story

“I see dead people.” The Sixth Sense

“Houston, we have a problem.” The Right Stuff

“Nobody puts baby in a corner.” Dirty Dancing

“Hello, Vietnam!” Good Morning Vietnam

“Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.” Gone With the Wind

“Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth…”
“You can’t handle the truth!” A Few Good Men

“May the Force Be With You.” Star Wars, Episode 3: A New Hope

“Who ya gonna call?” Ghostbusters

“Today we declare our Independence Day!” Independence Day

“Play it again, Sam.” Casablanca

“Top of the world, ma!” Titanic

“Do you feel lucky, punk?” Every Which Way but Loose

“Gentlemen, the sky is falling.” Armageddon

“Make me an offer I can’t refuse.” The Godfather

“I’m going to kill that gopher.” Caddyshack

“Hi, I’m Fletch.” Fletch

“You can ride in my jet any time.” Top Gun

“I coulda been a contender.” Rocky 3

“You go girl!” Tootsie

“I’ll have what the woman with the orgasm was eating.” When Harry Met Sally

“The first rule of Fight Club is that you don’t talk about Fight Club. The second rule is that there are no other rules.” Fight Club

“Badges? We don’t need no stinking badges!” Cheech and Chong Go Bananas

“You wanna look good in Mexico.” Pocket Money

“Yippee-ki-yay, Mr. Falcon.” Die Hard (overdub for broadcast television version)

Of course, we had to give the oft-quoted governor of the California his own section. The most popular Arnold Schwarzenegger quotes:

“I’ll be back.” Terminator

“I’ll be back…AGAIN.” Terminator 2

“Get your ass to Mars.” Total Recall

“The hunter becomes the hunted.” Predator

“Live by the sword, die by the sword.” Conan the Destroyer

“Remind me not to have kids.” Kindergarten Cop

RIP: The Golden Age of Television (1946-1992)

2007-10-30T09:42:00.000-04:00

Andy Warhol once famously said, “In the future, everyone will be on TV for fifteen minutes.” Nowadays, of course, with the internet, that is finally possible. But back in the Golden Age of Television (1948-1992) we depended on the networks to keep us entertained—whether it was Milton Berle’s bold subversion of traditional sexual roles in society, Fonzie’s bathroom humor, or Bill Cosby’s non-threatening black family. See how many of these Very Little Known Facts about the old Boob Tube you knew!

Televisions in the United States do not have channel 1. Neither do FM radios.

JUMP ON THE BANDWAGON: American Bandwagon, which originally featured co-hosts Dick Clark and his wife Pet Clark, is the only television show from the 1950’s that is still being produced today.

The Anthropology department at Harvard recently released the results of a two-year study that attempted to answer the eponymous question Who’s the Boss? Comparing the relative leadership roles of Tony Micelli, Angela Bower and Mona Robinson with their counterparts in archetypal societies, the study definitively concluded that Mona was the boss due to the fact that she was the elder.

MASTER OF HIS DOMAIN: Every episode of Seinfeld contains at least one joke about Superman. This is a reference to the real-life Jerry Seinfeld, one of the show’s co-creators.

The nickname “Idiot Box” was given to TV by none other than President Richard S. Nixon. The idiot in question? Walter Cronkite.

THAT’S WHY THEY CALL IT THE CATHODE RAY TUBE: Watching an hour of television subjects your eyes to more radiation than sticking your head in a microwave oven for an hour. Of course, this is only true because you can’t close the microwave door with your head in there, and microwaves don’t run when the door is open! But seriously, folks, use safety and common sense when operating any household appliance.

Smoking used to be common on television. Everybody remembers the episode of Leave It to Beaver where Ward Cleaver catches the Beave sneaking one of June’s Virginia Slims and memorably makes him eat the entire pack. Nowadays smoking is banned on TV except for in documentaries about mental institutions and France.

LITTLE BUDDY WASN’T SO LITTLE: Bob Denver, the first actor to play Gilligan on Gilligan’s Island, was 62 when the last episode was filmed on location in 1970.

Health Info on the Internet: Lethal?

2007-10-26T10:39:00.000-04:00

The results are in, and they are conclusive. We here at Very Little Known Facts are quite aware that the massive amount of health information available on the internet can be confusing and overwhelming. Often alarming headlines are used to rope in traffic, and just as often passive voice is used because of the positive effect on readership numbers that has been shown to have been created by this use.

As part of our ongoing commitment to commit to the well-being of our readers’ collective and individual being—a series we like to call Towards a Better Wellness for Tomorrow—we have compiled a digest of links to articles that present a definitive picture of what you should do (and what you should not do) to live a full, healthful, virtually endless life. Enjoy!

Drinking coffee is good for you and good for your health.

Drinking coffee will kill you within an hour, possibly.

Wine prevents cavities.

Wine gives you breast cancer.

Wine can make you live forever even if you are morbidly obese.

Wine will kill you.

Wine is good for your heart. (But not really.)

Exercise is good for you.

Exercise is bad for you.

Antidepressants increase the risk of suicide in teenagers.

No they don’t.

Eat more fish, it is good for you.

Eating fish will poison you with mercury and kill you.

Depression makes you feel bad.

Lack of sleep weakens your immune system and gives you cancer and diabetes.

But whatever you do, don’t get too much sleep.

You might very well have AIDS right now and not even know it.

Don't stress about this because stress leads to backaches, cancer, and irritable bowel syndrome.

The good news is that stress is good for you.

If you think you may be schizophrenic, you probably are.

If you are worried about losing control due to mental illness, you are probably not mentally ill.

Conclusion

In conclusion, the internet is a new and powerful tool in our lives. Since studies have shown that googling your symptoms produces the correct diagnosis, be sure to look up medical information on the internet at the first sign of illness. Unless you are a hypochondriac. But what if you just think you are a hypochondriac? You might not be a hypochondiac at all—you might just be psychic.

Either way, we support you.

Non-Dairy Creamer: How Do They Do It?

2007-10-24T12:41:00.001-04:00

This week in our continuing investigative journalistic series How Do They Do It, we delve into the dark, hidden realms of the edible.

The culinary world is full of mysteries. How many times have you pondered such imponderables as:

Just what exactly are the fifty-seven secret herbs and spices in Kentucky Fried Chicken?
What makes the special sauce of a Big Mac so special?
Why is there no squid in Squid Brand(tm) fish sauce?

We here at Very Little Known Facts have burrowed deep into the underbelly of the food we eat every day. Indeed, our sources have given us unprecedented access to the world of chemical flavoring and artificial ingredients, and today we share with you one of the never-before-disclosed secrets of the Non-Dairy Industry.

How Powdered Non-Dairy Creamer Is Made

The very name seems to be straight out of Jumbo Shrimp and Other Oxymorons by Jon Agee, available on Amazon.com.

How can cream be non-dairy, you might very well ask? And what exactly is creamer? Does that imply that cream is a verb? (Actually, cream is a verb, and one of the definitions does refer to adding cream to coffee, but it’s like the fifth one down in the list.)

But we digress. Why is non-dairy creamer also called whitener? Sure, the powder itself is white, but it doesn’t actually turn your coffee, tea, or soda white. Why would anyone want to call a food-related powder whitener as if it’s some kind of laundry product? For that matter, how can one refer to something as a cream and a powder simultaneously?

Above all, where does non-dairy creamer come from?

Where Non-Dairy Creamer Comes From

It starts with a cow, of course. Ironic? Indeed—one might say that the irony was delicious. In an industrial factory, cow’s milk is dehydrated through the standard process. The resulting mass is chemically rendered with potassium benzoate (a benzene derivative) to yield casein, a protein. Next this protein is mixed with sodium hydroxide (common table salt) and blasted with ionic radiation until it reacts, forming sodium caseinate—the only milk derivative that is non-dairy and therefore kosher.

WARNING: Since casein is technically milk protein, it is NOT safe for people with allergies to dairy products. Non-dairy creamer should never be given to infants or young children. Lactating or breast-feeding mothers should consult a doctor before resorting to non-dairy creamer. Women who are or may become pregnant should not ingest or even handle non-dairy creamer due to the risks of a specific kind of weight gain. The elderly should never user non-dairy creamer unless they are terminally ill or they are scheduled for some kind of doctor-assisted suicide, in which case what difference does it really make anyway—go for it with the non-dairy creamer.

Maize: My People Call it Sweetener

Just like ethanol, cornmeal, soda concentrate, candy, popcorn, and creamed corn, the number one ingredient of non-dairy creamer is—you guessed it—corn!

Since every trace of water must be extracted from all components of non-dairy creamer, the first step in the process is dehydrating the corn (naturally) by spreading the kernels or “cobbs” out in the hot sun over a three-week period to dry. Then the painfully sweet corn syrup is extracted by “pressing” the dried corn, a process involving a steam roller and carefully cut pavement grooves to direct the effluvia and runoff. Often this syrup is purified somewhat before being crystallized in a pure vacuum to create corn syrup solids.

Of course, corn syrup is almost entirely glucose, and sometimes it has been enhanced to include High Fructose. So remember before adding your artificial sweetener—you’ve already got dried, extracted, and crystallized corn syrup sweetener in your non-dairy creamer! And it’s completely natural!

Who Put the Horse Hooves in My Creamer?

Monoglycerides and diglycerides impart the “creaminess” to powdered non-dairy creamer through the use of water-soluble fatty acids terminating in a tasty glycerol molecule. Of course, those “in the know” will immediately recognize glycerine as the key ingredient of soap, which can be rendered from human fat a la Brad Pitt in Fight Club. (Did you see Brad Pitt in Fight Club, by the way?)

What you may not know is that glycerin is chemically identical to gelatin, which is extracted from the hooves of living horses by scraping the inner core or “viscera” of the hoof and boiling the resulting pulp until the gelatin (in the form of collagen) rises to the surface to be skimmed. As a side note, this is also the origin of collagen injections used by plastic surgeons in the lips, forehead, and noses of their badly disfigured or highly vain patients.

Is Your Oil Partially Hydrogenated or Partially Non-Hydrogenated?

Up next the oil powder goes into the mix. Dried vegetable oils such as corn, soy, palm, and coconut oil replace the nasty cholesterol from actual dairy cream with the same chemically enhanced trans-fats that make margarine so healthy. And don’t worry—non-dairy creamer is no longer made with pork lard. Not since the Eighties!

Dipotassium Phosphate: Twice as Good as Monopotassium Phosphate

At this point in the process we have created something very similar to non-dairy creamer save for the fact that your body would never be able to digest it, at all, no matter how long it lingered in your system. To remedy this, food scientists add dipotassium phosphate to the mix, also known as phosphoric acid. This ingredient aids the body in breaking down sugar, fat, and protein—so your non-dairy creamer comes partially digested for your convenience.

Have you ever wondered why Coca-Cola is so effective at chemically dissolving corrosion on car battery terminals? It’s all the phosphoric acid they cram in there. Besides adding some “zing” to Coke and non-dairy creamer, dipotassium phosphate also makes a great pesticide and fertilizer.

Feldspar: Not Just for Insulation Any More

After that we are left with a chalky mass that clumps into hard-to-dissolve chunks. To alleviate this, industrial mixers incorporate sodium alumionosilicate, aka sodium silicoaluminate, aka feldspar.

Feldspar is a mineral most often used in insulation, ceramics, and Bon Ami household cleanser. In non-dairy creamer, it is an anti-caking agent that also contributes to the highly explosive quality of non-dairy creamer.

Replicating Taste and Visual Appeal through Science

For the finishing touch, chemically-derived artificial flavors are added. These “secret ingredients” are the magic that make non-dairy creamer almost indistinguishable from non-non-dairy creamer to the human palate. Also, annatto is added for that distinctive “yellowish” color.

Now your non-dairy creamer is finally ready for that morning cup of Sanka with your choice of NutraSweet, Splenda, Equal, or Sweet’N Low!

Corrections

2007-10-18T13:30:00.000-04:00

As accurate as we are here at Very Little Known Facts--and our level of Relative Accurateness, as compared to others, is unparalleled--there are still so-called "gray" areas where our readers may have slight differences in interpretation from ourselves. Hence we encourage a constant and vivacious dialog with reader comments and electronic correspondence. We value your input; after all, our readers by definition have the good taste to turn to us for all their fact-based needs!

Longtime reader, first time commenter Black Shoes sent us this little gem regarding our article The History of Americans in America:

charles lindbergh was a nazi.

Now, many non-grammarians may assume that Black Shoes is referring to Lindbergh's well-publicized association with Germany's National Socialist party before World War II, or his anti-semitic statements in speeches, or possibly even to his unpopular efforts to keep America out of the war altogether. But a close reader will note that the word "nazi" is not capitalized; thus, the comment itself must needs refer to Lindbergh's authoritarian, controlling personality--especially in regards to members of his immediate family. Kudos, Black Shoes! An astute addition to the conversation. Thanks for your comment!

Reader Jassie sent us this comment about our recent article That's a Fact Jack--and Jeff via electronic mail:

I am sure you know that jihad means "holy war" but the interpretation of which war that is (internal struggle, conflict of mankind, against sin, blah blah) I think is pretty subjective.

Interpretation is a dicey area for non-experts, Jassie. Naturally the term jihad is often misconstrued by many Americans who don't appreciate the subtle difference between both Muslims and Moslems and themselves. Of course, your comment "blah blah" seems to imply a lack of seriousness in this discourse. Many Moslems (Muslims) might have the objective of objecting to the subject of a subjective interpretation of the term "jihad." (Literally translated: "to the tooth.") Anyway, thanks for your comment!

Finally, VLKF partner Scott Thong commented on our article Beware April Fool's Day as follows:

dood... Cowgodland is India. Hatepigsland is any Muslim nation.

A salient point, but "dood" is spelled "dude," Scott. Thanks for your comment!

Fact-Finding Mission Accomplished!

2007-10-16T17:22:00.000-04:00

Do you ever get the feeling that you're not "in the know?" That you are missing some key facts in any given situation? Don't worry, our crack team of fact-finders will locate the missing facts and bring them directly to you, right here in Very Little Known Facts!

DON'T BLAME ME, I GAVE AT THE OFFICE: Officials estimate that charitable contributions in the United States and, indeed, throughout the world help many millions, but some still suffer from ongoing difficulties.

Condensed milk is six times denser than uncondensed milk.

IS YOUR CARBON FOOTPRINT ENVIRONMENTALLY SAFE? A single jogger running 1.2 miles (500 metric meters) emits more carbon monoxide in one hour than a nuclear power plant does in one week.

Just like snowflakes, no two Social Security numbers are alike.

IT'S PELICAN, NOT PELICAN'T: If for some reason a pelican cannot catch enough fish during an ocean flight, it will starve to death.

The phrase "no man's land" refers to the unclaimed or disputed territory between opposing armies. Originally the term was "nomad's land" because during World War I transients and gypsies often slept in the ruins of buildings in these dangerous areas. In 1953 the phrase was officially changed to Demilitarized Zone (DMV).

TASTES LIKE CHICKEN: Insects and human semen contain more protein than a pound of lean ground beef.

Asbestos, though popular in the 1980's due to its inexpensive qualities, is now considered to be a lethal building material because it is highly flammable. Modern ceiling tiles are made from asbestos coated with an ultra-thin layer of plastic for safety.

The Lowly Tomato: Fruit or Vegetable?

2007-10-11T13:40:00.000-04:00

For centuries, scientists and philosophers have debated the Big Questions. Now, finally, we have an answer to one of these age-old conundrums: is a tomato a fruit or a vegetable? (SPOILER ALERT: the next paragraph contains the answer to this question.)

Shockingly, the tomato is apparently a fruit. Of course, linguists have long suspected this since the word "tomato" comes from the Latin expression, "Tu Mater" which literally means "Fruit Bearer" and figuratively means "Fruit of the Womb."

Are you wondering WHY experts consider the tomato to be a fruit? Well, it turns out that there are four (4) scientific reasons often cited by those "in the know." (Hint: it is not just because they are red.)

1. Tomatoes grow on trees. Much like other fruits such as oranges and canteloupes, most varieties of tomatoes can be plucked directly from the branch when ripe. Tomato vines, despite being technically barkless, are still trees since they grow upwards from the ground in the direction of the prevailing winds. Vegetables such as green beans and iceberg lettuce do not grow on trees.
2. Tomatoes have seeds. Seeds are used to grow new tomato plants from existing tomatoes, a reproduction method similar to that of apples or pomegranates--both fruits. Potatoes, which are not fruits, do not reproduce using the "seed" method.

3. Tomatoes have skin. The skin of a tomato is the outer layer that protects the more delicate inner layers of the fruit including the aforementioned seeds. You can remove the skin of a tomato by "peeling" the skin away from the inner layers, a process similar to peeling a banana or grape--both fruits. Okra and mushrooms, which are not fruits, have no skin and thus cannot be successfully peeled.

4. Tomatoes have juice. The juice is the liquid contained in the inner layers of the tomato. This juice is both nutritious and also useful. All fruits produce juice, which is where we get fruit juice. The popular drink V8 (named for the powerful automotive engine) is labeled "vegetable juice" on the product packaging, but this is a misstatement of fact since tomatoes are actually fruits. V8 is therefore, in reality, fruit juice.

5. Tomatoes are genetically fruits. Scientists unraveling the genes of tomatoes have announced that DNA evidence indicates tomatoes contain the fruit gene. This effectively closes the case on the age-old debate as to whether tomatoes are fruits or vegetables.

Opposing Viewpoints

But what, you may ask, about the landmark 1893 Supreme Court decision classifying tomatoes as vegetables? An excellent question. In Nix v. Hedden, the Court ruled that tomatoes must be classified as vegetables due to their inclusion in ketchup, which was considered a vegetable for school lunch classification purposes. However, subsequent research revealed that the number-one non-aqueous ingredient in ketchup was high-fructose corn syrup, and fructose is by definition fruit sugar. Hence, ketchup itself is not actually a vegetable but a fruit.

Do you have a Big Question? Send it to the fact experts at verylittleknownfacts@yahoo.com and maybe you'll get the answer you need.

Facts on Parade

2007-10-09T11:10:00.000-04:00

If there is one thing that America learned from the Seventies, it's that everybody loves a parade--literally! Here is a parade of Very Little Known Facts to get your day started right.

"Fortnight" is an old-timey Scottish word meaning two weeks. A "baker's fortnight" is 15 days.

IT'S GENETIC: Every great pianist throughout history has had blue eyes.

The proboscis, or stinger, of a mosquito is not long enough to pierce human skin in the winter--only in the summer when dead layers of skin slough off due to the heat. Thus, all mosquitoes die in the winter.

PARADES ON PARADE: Due to the events of 9/11, New York City has restricted parade permits to four days a year: New Years, July 4, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. As an unintended consequence, St. Patrick's Day and President's Day now share a parade.

You can never exactly convert metric measurements to English units. This is why standard and metric socket sets are slightly different sizes.

DON'T DRINK THE WATER: "Non-potable" is Latin for "Do not drink." Water trucks with this warning on the side have deadly ethyl alcohol added to the water to ensure that construction workers do not drink it.

Parade magazine is the oldest continually-published publication in America.

Moslems or Muslims: A Comparative History

2007-10-04T10:18:00.000-04:00

Due to the unfolding events in the world today, and indeed the previously unfolded events from days prior to this current day, and finally mindful of possible events that may or may not subsequently unfold in the days to come after today (Thursday), we here at Very Little Known Facts have undertaken to provide some of the deep background on Islam as it compares to the other, less Muslim (Moslem) religions. This information, though vitally important in an esoteric/geopolitical/impractical sense, is nonetheless very little well known amongst Americans and other citizens of the Coalition of the Willing, i.e. Poles and Australians. As part of our ongoing mission to enlighten the unenlightened and to elucidate the unelucidated, we present a comprehensive and all-inclusive history of one of the most historical world religions in the world.

The Little Religion that Could

Like every other religion in the world, Islam has its roots in the Fertile Crescent, today known as the Middle East. The prophet Muhammed (Mohammad) introduced the teachings of the Koran (Qu'ran), the Moslem (Muslim) holy book. The Qu'ran (Koran) has never been translated from the original Arabian, but sources say it encourages living a life of righteousness amongst other things. The face of the prophet is traditionally hidden or obscured due to the similarity of his appearance to Jesus Christ, who is worshiped by Christians and grudgingly admired in a strictly platonic fashion by Jews.

Muhammad (Mohammed) quickly became a leader both in a religious and civil and military sense. In the 7th century he conquered most of what is now Saudi Arabia and what was then the future modern-day Saudi Arabia. His primary weapon in this conquest was force, but he did not hesitate to use secondary weapons, such as the threat of the usage of force. By the time of his death at a tragic age, the entirety of the then-Islamic world had been converted by himself.

Beliefs

Muslims (Moslems) hold strong opinions on a variety of issues including:

pork
Jews
women
holiness
war (peace)
those weird marks on the center of the forehead (they don't have them)
America
God
the relative roles of religious and secular authority in civil society
head scarves

Many Islamic religious leaders have the authority to issue an edict, or a FATWA which translates as For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge. Moslems (Muslims) also participate vocally in the countries of which they are constituents, such as Iran, Syria, Indonesia, and Afghanistan, where Prime Minister Musharraf himself is a Muslim (Moslem).

A Comprehensive and Definitive Comparison of the World's Four Major Religions

The easy-to-follow chart shown below details the major beliefs of the world's four most major religions as determined on a per-capita basis. (Note: Hinduism and Mormonism were discounted because of the patent absurdity of their beliefs.)

Summary

In short, the world is a diverse and interesting place, full of interesting people and religions with divergent yet not necessarily invalid sets of beliefs. (Hindus and Mormons excepted.)

Take a Seat!

2007-09-25T12:48:00.000-04:00

FRANKIE GOES TO HOLLYWOOD: Franklin Deleanor Roosevelt was the first U.S. president to wear a prosthetic leg due to a bad reaction to the polio vaccine in his own, biological legs. This is why he insisted on always having his picture taken "relaxing" in various chairs.

The term "chairman" originally referred to the elected (or appointed) head of an executive board such as those that govern companies, schools, and governmental entities. During board meetings, the actual physical chair reserved for the "chairman" was traditionally larger and more comfortable than those of his subordinates. Today this term has largely been replaced with the gender-neutral "chairman or chairwoman."

HE DID IT HIS WAY: In his heyday, Frank Sinatra was known as "The Chairman of the Board," although this was purely an honorific and conveyed no actual power.

The popular "Barcelona" chair was the first piece of furniture designed by brothers Charles and Ray Eames for the Barcalounger company. Later this selfsame chair would be featured prominently in an episode of Thirtysomething.

LOUIS LOUIS, OH BABY, WE GOTTA GO NOW: The Louis XV chair was the successor to the wildly popular Louis XIV chair in 17th century France and England. However, due to the antique nature of furniture from that era, the Louis XV chair may look older than it appears.

The first electric chair was invented by Nicola Tesla in 1892 and debuted at the St. Louis World Fair that same year in 1894. The crowd was electrified (figuratively) by the spectacle of Indian-warrior-turned-sideshow-act Geronimo being "shocked" by a non-lethal voltage. Later, the death penalty was abolished in America, only to be re-instated by popular demand.

USA! USA! A recent study concluded that over 90% of Americans use chairs every day, as opposed to the rest of the world, which apparently employs these useful devices to a measurably lesser extent.

OJ Simpson: Innocent Again

2007-09-21T14:06:00.001-04:00

We here at Very Little Known Facts believe in America. And the last we heard, in this country (again, America) a person is innocent until proven guilty. And since O.J. Simpson has never been convicted of any crime, this means ipso facto that he is innocent.

This man is a widower trying to raise two mixed-race children as a single parent after suffering serious financial hardship. As if that were not enough, he has been forced to travel with an armed entourage to protect him from the stinging swarm of paparazzi who are nothing but vultures and parasites feeding on his celebrity. Although that is literally a metaphor, it is nonetheless the truth.

At the same time, O.J. has taken it upon himself to FIND NICOLE'S REAL KILLER, a task that law enforcement has apparently given up on. Do you think this can be easy for him? Really, if you think about it, the man is a hero.

Not to overplay the race card, but we cannot help but feel that this is yet another case of society keeping the black man down. Sure, he was a national hero when he won the Theismann trophy and went on to break every major NFL rushing record. Sure, he was a well-known and beloved spokesman for a popular rental car company. But once his acting career starting to take off, well, let’s just say it doesn’t pay for a black man to get TOO successful in this country.

Sadly, America turned on this well-spoken, intelligent polymath—a true Renaissance Man for our day and age—eventually resorting to baseless and hurtful accusations. Is this any way to treat a man? Do you not think that Mr. Simpson, behind that fetching grin, has human feelings like the rest of us? Surely he was hurting that fateful day in May of 1994, driving around Las Vegas in a white Chevrolet Bronco with a gun to his head. Methinks you would do the same if society accused you of heinous crimes. (And lest we forget: the glove did not fit.)

The official word from your friends at VLKF is that the gleeful celebration of Mr. Simpson's continuing misfortune is simply reprehensible. How many times must this poor man be exonerated before the general public can come to terms with his perpetual innocence?

It's Raining Facts! Hallelujah!

2007-09-06T11:21:00.000-04:00

Word to Your Mother: The hip-hop term "homeboy" is derived from the French word "homme" meaning "home" or "neighborhood." Similarly, this is also where the slang terms "da hood" and "hoodie" come from.

Just as many seafood restaurants let you pick your own lobster from a tank, several "authentic" Mexican restaurants allow you to choose your own live chicken from a coop for their signature dish, pico de gallo.

Who Is the Real Spoiler? Spoilers can increase the speed of automobiles by 20% to 30% without using more gas. Both the EPA and Greenpeace have urged that all cars on the road be retro-fitted with these energy-saving devices, but they have met with resistance from conservative consumers more concerned with the aesthetic appearance of their vehicle than saving the environment.

Your fingers and toes never stop growing throughout your entire life.

Since trichinosis and salmonella have been eradicated from uncooked pork through industrial farming techniques, tasty raw bacon dishes have been appearing on sushi menus throughout the United States.

Movie critics recently voted Steven Seagal, son of actor George Segal, as the Best Caucasian Martial Artist of the Decade.

Whoa, Nelly! Unicycles are the only wheeled vehicles that cannot coast downhill.

Today Is Labor Day

2007-09-02T10:55:00.000-04:00

Very Little Known Facts wishes all of you a “Happy” Labor Day today!

(And a Happy Labour Day to our friends in England, Happy Canada Day to our readers in the Great White North.)

What Is Labor Day?

Although Labor Day (formerly called Memorial Day) is observed by government offices, schools, and businesses alike on the first Monday in September, the actual holiday is September 2nd. It was changed from the original day (the last Thursday in August) in 1946 as a way to benefit war orphans.

Labor Day began as a pagan holiday to celebrate the end of August, which was famously referred to by the poet George Eliot as:

August, the cruelest month
Aye, inferno! the dregs of summer
Devour the new-born foal, the calf of spring;
The center cannot hold.
Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more.
Gas! GAS! Quick, boys! — An ecstasy of fumbling,
And into the valley of death
Rode the six hundred.

Later it was Teddy J. Roosevelt, America’s only Socialist president, who dedicated the holiday to the proletariat. Ironically, it wasn’t until the Nixon administration that federal workers got Labor Day off as a holiday—and this was only after Congress marked Labor Day as the official “beginning of the Holiday Shopping Season.”

Other interesting Labor Day facts:

It is a myth that Labor Day refers to the large number of babies born nine months after New Year’s Day, although it is true that going into labor is a lot of work for a pregnant woman--and it can be hard on the dad too!

Spooky Fun: Nobody knows the origin of the Labor Day tradition whereupon widows and widowers bedeck their mailboxes with black bunting and lace. Some say this macabre ritual is still practiced in remote areas of Appalachia.

Americans consume more hamburgers on Labor than any other day of the year aside from the Fourth of July, Memorial Day, Spring Break, and Christmas Eve put together.

Don’t Let the Upbeat Tone Fool You: The lyrics to “Everybody’s Working for the Weekend,” the smash #1 hit from Danish band Loverboy, actually refer to a man who has to go into work on Labor Day weekend.

Labor Day is the birthday of playwright Arthur Miller (62), professional athlete Ed “Too-Tall” Jones (47) and celebrity impersonator Rich Little (deceased).

Horses: Man's Best Friend or Man's Best Fuel?

2007-08-30T12:59:00.001-04:00

Welcome back to Very Little Known Facts!

Recently our friends over at the Submarine World Network (long-time devotees of VLKF) have posted a Very Little Known thread in their forums. The original fact at issue:

The word "horsepower" originally referred to the amount of energy released by burning the carcass of one dead horse, the primary source of fuel for early American steamboats.

And here was the post from Submarine enthusiast Donmac:

I only checked out "Horsepower" as I know the above is wrong. So I must assume that since the above highlighted words in quote are false, so then the whole article (posting) may not be true...."Horsepower is defined as work done over time. The exact definition of one horsepower is 33,000 lb.ft./minute. Put another way, if you were to lift 33,000 pounds one foot over a period of one minute, you would have been working at the rate of one horsepower. In this case, you'd have expended one horsepower-minute of energy."

Of course, we here at Very Little Known Facts always encourage our readers to verify everything for themselves, since we are inevitably vindicated. In this case, it is obvious that no human being could possibly lift 33,000 pounds one foot over a period of one minute (or even an hour!) because this is why steamboats were invented in the first place.

Naturally, this pretty much moots the entire point of Donmac's post. But since we are committed to providing added value to our product, what follows is an in-depth analysis of the subject matter at hand. Enjoy!

A Brief History of Steamboat Horsepower Technology

The invention of the steam engine (or 'engine' as we call it today) revolutionized 17th century England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland. Soon steamboats, steam locomotives, and steam automobiles replaced horses as the primary means of transportation in the civilized world--and beyond! This inexorably led to a glut of unwanted horses--large, cumbersome beasts that were expensive to maintain and likely to turn on and attack their human masters with or without provocation.

What to Do with Excess Horses

The wholesale slaughter of horses in Europe and America in the Steam Age (1848-1910) seemed wasteful to many concerned. In fact, many rivers became almost completely clogged with horse carcasses. The inimitable Mark Clemens described the Mighty Mississip' (short for "Mighty Mississippi") as "a river almost completely clogged with the carcasses of horses." Truer words were never written.

It was legendary inventor, generous philanthropist, and alleged misogynist Robert "Bob" Fulton who first came up with the idea of burning horse carcasses to power steamboats. The idea, brilliant in its simplicity, quickly lead to horse-corpse-free waterways throughout the United States and later Europe. Of course, as the demands for steamboat fuel increased, horse-hunting came into vogue in the Midwest. Unscrupulous poachers even resorted to passing off the rotting meat of ponies, mustangs, stallions, goats, nags, and even large dogs as steamboat fuel.

Horse Carcasses Today

With the advent of nuclear energy, horse-powered steamboats became an antiquated concept fit only for local museums dioramas. However, history buffs still visit "authentic" Mississippi River steamboat casinos to try their hands at Five Card Draw or Blind Man's Bluff as the scintillating scent of burning equines fills the air--just as it did way back when.

That's a Fact Jack--and Jeff!

2007-06-13T22:20:00.001-04:00

¡No mas! Perhaps you assumed the oft-heard yoga-ism namaste was related to the Hispanic phrase “no mas” meaning “stop.” The reality couldn’t be further from the truth. Figuratively translated, namaste means yoga! On the other hand, literally translated, yoga is Mexican for “I am gay.”

Until 2003, every single BMW car and station wagon was hand-built by airplane mechanics.

Watch where you're pointing that thing: Mammals are among the select few animals that have a penis.

Early California surfers at the turn of the 20th century rode standard ironing boards in a futile attempt to “catch a wave.” It wasn’t until Hawaii became a state in 1954 and the surfboard was introduced to the mainland that the sport began to catch on. Incidentally, this was the origin of the phrase, “Hang Ten.”

Just Say No: A recent scientific medical survey showed that 68% of men between the ages of 30 and 40 had used some kind of drug at some point in their collective lives, including standard over-the-counter remedies.

Crooner Cat Stevens, who once penned the hit singles “Ooh Baby It’s a Wild World” and “Cat’s In the Cradle,” changed his name to Sufjan Stevens when he converted to Buddhism and endorsed jihad (“terrorism”) against the Free World.

ARRRGH MATEY!!!! Scuttlebutt around the recent Can film festival in Spain has it that Martin Scorsese will “score” again at the helm of the upcoming sequel Pirates of the Caribbean 4. Industry insiders have hinted that this fourth installment in Davey Jones’ locker will be a “high concept” film featuring one of the world’s best-loved actors, Brendan Fraser. Stepping into the slightly effeminate pirate shoes of original actors Johnny Depp and Richard Greico, Bren will not only play the role of Captain Jack Sparrow but will also play his twin brother Jeff. Good luck, guys!

Mysteries of the Unexplained

2007-06-08T18:31:00.001-04:00

According to this article from cnn.com, some residents of Rosemont, Illinois see the ghostly, haunted face of their dead mayor in the bark of a local Sycamore tree. Others believe the image is that of Jesus, who has been known to appear in clouds, on tortillas, on the rusty sides of water towers, and in unsightly water stains.

Other theories include the following:

The face in the bark of the tree is that of an ent from Middle Earth.
The face resembles Herman Munster.
The dead mayor resembles Herman Munster.
The bark is just bark.
Red Sox slugger Johnny Damon looks like Jesus.

Crystal Meth: Pros and Cons (Part Four)

2007-05-19T13:30:00.001-04:00

As part of our ongoing mission to look at social issues with a fair, non-biased prospectus, we here at Very Little Known Facts are proud to introduce this, the first in a multi-part series about crystal meth and other methamphetamines.

Some say that meth is fun, while others contend that it may in fact be fun, but also it is very bad. In the middle fall still others who don't know the facts and are reserving judgment until they have tried meth for themselves.

Hopefully this series will allow you, the reader, to make an informed choice in deciding whether or not to devote a significant amount of your time, money, and life to this controversial substance.

Crystal Meth: Pros and Cons: Part Four: The Long-term Effects of Methamphetamine Use and Abuse

Science has made many breakthroughs over the years, but few are as hallucinagenic as the invention of the class of drugs known as methamphetamines. This class includes such drugs as meth and crystal meth, which is a crystalline form of methamphetamine.

The following are several bullet points containing many of the long-term effects of methamphetamine use and abuse:

paranoia
addiction
dry mouth
stroke
weight loss (not the good kind, the bad kind that makes you look like a meth addict)
death
unexplained itching

Meth: Myths and Facts You Might Have Missed

Long-term methamphetamine abuse, while no doubt entertaining, may result in many undesired effects including (but not limited to) addiction. Meth addicts constantly crave the singular sensation of highness that comes from introducing the drug into their system. Eventually, this can lead to anxiety, insomnia, poor dental hygiene, loss of self-esteem and feelings of wellness, homelessness, paranoid delusions of grandeur, track marks or snort marks, intense weight loss, loss of job and social standing in the community, criminal behavior, poor choice of friends, violence, psychotic breaks, hallucinations, chronic masturbation, loss of appetite, feelings of ennui or listlessness that can only be ameliorated by subsequent intake of methamphetamine, murder, bone marrow loss, mood swings, poor financial planning and planning for the future in general, craving for sugar and sugary treats, loss of control, dead souls, isolation, disorder, insight, shadowplay, a means to an end, feelings of being torn apart by love, feelings of being disconnected from one’s body, feelings of general positivity or negativity or indifference for the universe in general irregardless of one’s own position in it, suicidal thoughts, matricidal thoughts, goiters, limp lip, irritability, loss of control over one’s own thought processes (in particular the loss of the ability to stop thinking about meth), stroke, heart attack, the feeling or absolute certainty that you are having a heart attack when in fact you are not, the feeling that you have AIDS even though you just got tested last fall but that was before you hooked up with that scary bartender with all the skull tattoos, and not like just one or two skull tattoos but A LOT of skull tattoos, skull tattoos all over, skull tattoos in inappropriate places and places where it would be really painful to get a tattoo and places where you would never want to see a skull tattoo especially one with “MOM” written across it in gothic script, muscle atrophy, night sweats, jaundice, degraded nutritional choices, misguided feelings of infallibility and invincibility, and delusions (for example, the sensation of insects creeping on the skin, called "fornication").

Tolerance: Need More Meth

Meth tolerance builds up over time in inverse proportion to the tolerance one’s friends, acquaintances, loved ones, and employers have for the meth user. The user must either increase the dosage or add “enhancements” such as baking powder, bleach, or drain cleaner to the drug. In some cases, abusers may forego food and sleep while indulging in a form of binging known as a "binge," injecting as much as a half pound of the drug every 2 to 3 hours over several days until the user runs out of the drug or is too disorganized to continue. Chronic abuse can lead to psychotic behavior characterized by mild confusion, amusement at jokes that are not actually funny, and sexual side effects—although intense paranoia, hallucinations, wildly inappropriate behavior and inexplicable rage including extreme violence are much more common.

Is Meth Mouth a Myth?

Meth Mouth is not a myth. Meth mouth is caused by inattention to dental hygiene in conjunction with the highly dangerous solvents that attack your teeth along with the sweet foods that meth addicts often crave. If you want to see many graphic examples of Meth Mouth, then you are a twisted individual and should probably seek psychiatric counseling.

Is Meth Bad for You?

Despite opinions to the contrary, the overwhelming majority of the scientific community feels that meth is ultimately bad for you and should be avoided at all costs.

In scientific studies examining the consequences of long-term methamphetamine exposure in animals, concern has arisen over the ethics of exposing animals to a chemical known to be as toxic as crystal meth. Researchers have often resorted to experimenting on human meth addicts who line up around the block to participate in clinical tests. Some of these participants later report being “disappointed” by the experience. Significantly, the test subjects who reported being “disappointed” have a 99% correlation to the members of the control group who were given placeboes instead of meth.

Withdrawal: Should I Stop Snorting or Injecting Meth? Will I Miss Meth?

Although there are no physical manifestations of a withdrawal syndrome when methamphetamine use is stopped, the meth user may still experience a desire to continue the use of methamphetamine. This is natural and may continue for the duration of the user’s lifetime.

COMING SOON: Part Three: Crystal Meth: Pros and Cons: Crystal Meth, Celebrities, and You. Which celebrities, politicians, and televangelists are meth addicts? You might be surprised.

Some Facts

2007-05-11T10:18:00.000-04:00

THAT’S HOW THEY CRAWL: Babies are born without kneecaps, and they do not develop them.

Leonardo DaVinci invented the scissors, the analog synthesizer, and the wheelbarrow.

Most atoms contain protons.

The names of all 7 (seven) continents end with the same letter that they start with, except for South America.

WHO KNEW? The cigarette lighter was invented before the cigarette.

A duck's quack does not echo anywhere, and no one knows why.

VERY INTERESTING: The words “racecar,” “kayak,” and “a” are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left. These types of words are called palimpsests.

Things that glow under a black light:

cat urine
quartz
glowsticks
strawberry Poptarts
a pregnant woman’s skin
compact discs
mercury
fluorescent light bulbs
glowworms
maple syrup
hair spray (aerosol only)

If the entire population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.*

*Assuming that you could get the entire population of China** to walk past you in single file, which would be difficult (if not impossible) even with an autocratic, centralized government. Also assuming that the population of China would choose to engage in sexual relations without prophylaxis while waiting in the line, which is far from certain given their repressive cultural mores.

**It is unclear whether the residents of Taiwan R.O.C. are included in this statement.

Product Placement

2007-04-18T15:44:00.000-04:00

An editorial by Britt Bergman, co-founder of Very Little Known Facts.

As I’m sure most of you know, I consider myself quite the Renaissance Man of the Year when it comes to careers. Here is a mere fraction of the items I could add to my résumé, should I so desire:

neon sign fabricator
nanny
spool mover
demolition crewmember
caretaker to a man with brain damage
country club snack bar attendant
product reviewer
hauler of canned goods
international fax technician
alternative health web site customer service representative
ceiling fan installer for an alternative health web site
wedding deejay
guy in bear costume
web designer
blogger (paid and unpaid)
search engine optimizer

In my current position as copywriter for a purveyor of professional quality sports equipment and sports-related paraphernalia, I have encountered new challenges. People often ask me, “Seriously, how much is there to write about custom ice hockey pucks?” Well, my friend, let me tell you—you can pretty much write as much as you want about custom ice hockey pucks.

Take the page on ice hockey tactics on our website. This page was the number one Google search result for ice hockey tactics, thank you very much, a position that we at Very Little Known Facts are quite familiar with. Here is a selection from the text as it existed before I came onboard:

Hockey tactics that work around defense everything in common with all other military defense strategies also developed over the last 2,500 years as well. The best defense it is said, is an excellent offense, and in any case, defense is less desirable. Even when we defend, we should have our goal on the opponents net. Misdirection the reason for a certain kind of defensive play, but for example, a defenseman who crosses over while going backwards will gain a certain amount of advantage, until the forward catches on to that he will switch directions as soon as he sees the leg position.

Truer words were never written.

But now I have a new bona fide to add to me curriculum vitae: product photographer. Specifically, photographer of chocolate hockey pucks.

I have heard tell that photographing food is especially challenging. Hey, guess what? They weren’t kidding. No sir.

When I first got the assignment I thought, No problem. Get out the old digital camera and take some pictures of chocolate hockey pucks. How hard could it be, right?

For starters, I work out of the home, and there are two dogs here who were very interested in the whole chocolate hockey puck business. So right there I had to shut myself off in my bedroom.

Then I ran into the lighting problem. I tried a few with the flash, but I quickly discovered that chocolate is an extremely glossy and reflective surface. I rigged up a light bulb next to the puck, but then we got into all kinds of melting action. Real cool.

I got a flash of inspiration at one point and tried to scan the chocolate hockey puck using the computer scanner I gave my dad for his birthday, which he returned to me because it was “too complicated.” My old-fashioned dad who can’t handle technology, I thought. Until I tried to scan a chocolate hockey puck. Apparently the people who designed the software interface for this scanner had some fairly high-end consumers in mind. I fired that puppy up and stared at the bewildering array of nonsensical options before finally getting something going. I guess the default setting was “molecular level scan” because ten minutes later it was up to 10%, and the file size was something like 150 megs.

Another hour of fighting with the scanner and it was back to the digital camera and the chocolate hockey puck posed suggestively on an old sheet draped across my bed.

How much should I say? Should I tell you about jury-rigging my tripod to lean at just the right infinitesimally slight angle as the puck? Should I recount the dozens of trips to the PC to plug in the camera, download the pictures, identify any number of problems, unplug the camera, remount it on the tripod, and start over? Should I mention the abortive Photoshop efforts that made the 100% gourmet chocolate look like it was covered with a thin layer of fuzz, or possibly mold?

Need I say I was reduced to tears?

By the end I sent the best of the lot off to my boss with a long note explaining that although I knew several professional photographers, obviously I was not cut out to join their ranks. My boss was quite happy with the results, though, pointing out that my photo of a chocolate hockey puck propped up on my old bed sheet actually looked much better than the previous shot done by an ad agency.

I just hope he doesn’t ask me to photograph his daughter’s wedding.

The Original Odd Couples!

2007-04-13T19:20:00.000-04:00

Everybody remembers The Odd Couple starring heartthrob Walter Matthau and finicky Tony Randall as a wackily mismatched pair of ne'er-do-wells whose dysfunctional relationship led to madcap adventures in housekeeping high jinks. But long before the television series, long before the movie that it spawned or even the Broadway musical, history itself paired some of the most unlikely duos together in fateful circumstances--and hilarity ensued!

Antony and Cleopatra

He was a hard-charging, rough-riding military man. She was the sophisticated Queen of the Nile. Their romance would inspire such masterpieces as a Shakespeare play, an Elizabeth Taylor movie, and even a Latin pop sensation. But did you know that Marc Antony was Roman and Cleopatra was actually Greek? Star-crossed love indeed.

Catherine the Great and Frederick the Great

What a pair these two made. She was a notorious prude, preferring the company of her horse to any of the suitors vying to share her throne and her bed. He was quite the rake--the racy lingerie chain Frederick's of Hollywood was named after him. But somehow they managed to juggle two empires and two royal families to keep their one perfect love alive.

Napoleon Bonaparte and Josephine Baker

He was emperor of France. She was a poor singer, the original Les Miserable. But fate brought them together for one night of passion that changed the course of history. Indeed.

Abraham Lincoln and Ulysses S. Grant

A tee-totalling Quaker from Illinois and a whiskey-swilling general from somewhere else. What could these two blow-hards accomplish while fighting all the time? Just saving the Union, freeing the slaves and winning the Civil War. That's all.

Siskel and Ebert

One was fat, one was skinny. One had hair, the other one did not. One is dead and the other one is still alive. And no one could tell them apart! These two were the original odd couple if ever there was one.

Beware April Fool's Day!

2007-04-01T10:29:00.000-04:00

Every year, erstwhilely reliable and trustworthy media outlets succumb to the childish impulse to publish "fake" stories for April Fool's Day. Just as George Orwell's infamous War of the Worlds radio play triggered race riots in New Jersey, so too do these purportedly "harmless" joke stories run the risk of doing damage that is only too real: not only to the safety of the American public, but also to their sacred trust in the Fourth Estate. (The first three estates being Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.)

Here at Very Little Known Facts, we have taken the liberty of pre-emptively exposing three of the most egregious farces on the internet this April Fool's Day. Hopefully these false, fake, and dangerously misleading stories won't fool anyone now that we have debunked them.

1. Chocolate Jesus

CNN.com runs a wildly inappropriate piece today--on Palm Sunday, no less--fabricating a story about a New York art gallery that supposed "pulled" a controversial statue of naked Jesus on the cross with exposed genatalia. And here's the joke--we are supposed to believe that the entire statue was made of chocolate.

First of all, the photo they run is obviously photoshopped. What is holding the chocolate Jesus up? I don't see a chocolate cross. In fact, Chocolate Jesus doesn't seem to be crucified at all. He looks more like he's about to deliver one of those freeze-frame Matrix karate kicks.

Then there's the absurd historical inaccuracies. Where is Jesus's beard? Where is his loincloth? And why is Jesus not made of white chocolate? Is this some kind of Black Power statement? Really, cnn.com, we expected more from such a stalwart of journalistic integrity.

2. Baghdad Burger King

Today's L.A. Times features a story about how the greatest worry of American troops stationed in Iraq is what to buy with all their combat pay. This is exactly the kind of yellow journalistic, flag-waving patriotic boilerplate I have come to expect from such a conservative rag as the Times.

But I must take exception to the fake photo of U.S. troops chowing down on fast food in the war zone. Do they really expect us to believe that the United States military is so culturally insensitive as to open a Burger King franchise in a nation where the cow is worshiped as a god? That, my friend, is taking the idea of the Ugly American too far.

Not funny, L.A. Times. Not funny.

3. The Flaming Lips on Broadway

A standard April Fool's Day standby is to take two groups of people who have nothing to do with each other and to pair them up in a ridiculous situation.

For example, an implausible yarn involving alt-psych-indie rockers The Flaming Lips and Aaron Sorkin, creator of television's The West Wing, teaming up to create a Broadway musical based on the album Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots.

Seriously, guys, I don't think this one is fooling anybody.

Very Little Known FAQ

2007-03-27T18:01:00.000-04:00

Have you ever had a question and wondered if someone had already answered the question somewhere in the past, possibly in the Nineties? Here at Very Little Known Facts we pride ourselves in our innate ability to provide an answer to any question. Who knows--perhaps the very question that has haunted you for years has already been answered by ourselves. Be sure to check the Very Little Known FAQ below.

Q: Is it legal to download and use images from the internet?
A: No. You must always ask for and receive the express written permission of the person or organization that owns the images before you can download them to your PC (Personal Computer). Maintaining a "copy" of an image on your computer is a crime punishable by law. Some web "browsers" come pre-configured to automatically download and display images from websites without checking for copyright infringement. This is a legal gray area. When in doubt, make sure you have the owner's written permission before viewing a website.

Q: Robin Williams used to be funny. Why is he so terrible now?
A: Robin Williams is no longer funny because he stopped using cocaine.

Q: What's the deal with airlines handing out those little bags of peanuts on flights?
A: Airlines face severe space and weight constraints on passenger jets. Their goal is to maximize use of the space available in the cabin--hence the fact that most cabin space is reserved for passenger seating. Of course, as a business it behooves them to keep their customers happy. Small, sealed bags of peanuts provide a popular and nutritious snack to passengers without taking up an inordinate amount of cabin space or adding a large amount of weight to the plane. Note that anyone who is allergic to peanuts should not ingest peanuts on an airliner.

Q: What does FAQ stand for?
A: The acronym FAQ is short for For Answering Questions.

Q: Are the noises I hear coming from my basement a bear?
A: This is a good question.

Q: For tax purposes, should I report that I am covered by my spouse’s current employer sponsored retirement plan for the fiscal year if my spouse has not worked at his or her job long enough to be vested?
A: If your spouse’s employer provides a separate account for each employee, any amount contributed or allocated by your spouse and/or your spouse’s employer to your spouse’s account is considered covered. It does not matter if your spouse has worked long enough to be vested. This is known in the industry as a Defined Contribution plan.

If, on the other hand, your spouse’s employer provides a Defined Benefit plan in which the employer must make enough contributions (together with earnings) to provide the retirement benefit promised in the retirement plan, your spouse must meet the minimum age and years of service requirements to participate in your spouse’s employer's plan. In this case your spouse is considered to be covered. It does not matter if your spouse is vested or not.

In either case, you should not report that you are covered by your spouse’s employer sponsored retirement plan. Only your spouse should report this.

Q: What if your whole life, your whole existence, was just a dream?
A: We have already covered this. As stated previously, it's not.

Q: Yeah, but like seriously, I mean, what if it was?
A: It's not.

Action Facts!

2007-03-20T21:55:00.000-04:00

A LICENSED COSMETOLOGIST: Marie Antoinette was not as dumb as everybody gave her credit for. She actually graduated with a degree from Oxford University.

President Grover S. Cleveland's nickname was Uncle Jumbo. This was apparently due to his excessive girth.

Any black bird can be considered a raven.

PUT THIS ON YOUR RESUME: In the Odd Jobs department, a Chicken Shooter fires chicken carcasses out of a moving aircraft and records the damage caused for insurance purposes.

All gypsies are ethnically Argentinian.

GET A HAIRCUT, HIPPIE: The lead singer of the band Midnight Oil originally starred in the 1979 horror classic The Hills Have Eyes. He later became a member of the British Parliament!

"Al dente" is a Spanish term meaning that pasta should be cooked until it is soft enough for someone wearing dentures to eat.

GROSS: The FCC outlawed America's only pornographic radio station in 1974.

Web Rumor Concerning the Death of Sinbad (David Adkins)

2007-03-16T08:59:00.000-04:00

We at Very Little Known Facts are saddened and dismayed to report on rampant rumors and speculation across the internet and the worldwide web that popular comedian and actor David Adkins, aka Sinbad, has died. Reports of his death have not been officially released by any creditable news agency, but based on web searches, we have deduced that Sinbad may indeed have succumbed to his long battle with illness.

There may be hope, however. If the attached picture is any indication, Sinbad (aka David Adkins) may still be alive and well. Unfortunately, this could simply be wishful thinking on our part. In the end there truly is no way to tell, so we will refrain from making any pronouncements.

Godspeed, Sinbad, and thanks for all the laughs.

Riddle Me This! Or Else!

2007-03-14T12:13:00.000-04:00

Riddles and logic puzzles have fascinated mankind for decades. Can you figure out the answers to these Very Little Known classic riddles? Just in case you can't, we have provided the answers below for your convenience. Good luck!

1. The World-Famous Surgeon

A young boy and his father were driving on the Ventura Freeway when an SUV pulled in front of them and caused an accident. Both were injured, but the son was unconscious and bleeding. An ambulance came and rushed the son to the hospital. A world-famous surgeon was called in, prepped, and led into the operating room where the boy lay in critical condition. The surgeon took one look at the boy and said, "That child is my son. I can’t operate on him!"

Why couldn’t the surgeon operate on the boy?

2. A Game of Backgammon

103 backgammon players congregate from 56 different countries in Cleveland, Ohio. They meet to determine once and for all who the greatest backgammon player of all time is. The contest takes the form of a 7-round double-elimination tournament. Each round consists of the best of three games. The top-seeded player in each division is given a “by” for the first round.

How many games must be played before someone wins?

3. The Hanged Man

The police break into a locked room with no windows. As they trudge through a puddle on the bare concrete floor, they discover the body of a man dangling from a noose.

The security guard saw the dead man enter the room. The guard swears that no one else entered or left the room before or after the dead man entered it. The only way in or out of the room is through the door, which was locked. The ceiling is 25 feet high, and the noose only extends 4 feet down from the ceiling. There is no furniture of any kind in the room, nor are there any ladders, stairs, or other visible means to reach the noose.

How did the man die?

4. What the Old Woman Said

The old woman who lives in the haunted house on Pine Street tells people that she has 7 children. When asked if they are boys or girls, she says half boys and half girls. Is the old woman lying?

5. Coffee Klatch

The coffee klatch meets every Tuesday at the Java Shop, except on the first and last Tuesday of the month. George, Helen, and Steve always drink regular coffee. Bert, Karen, and Dave always order decaf. George, Steve, and Bert always sit on the couch while everyone else sits in a wooden chair.

Does Elizabeth drink regular or decaf coffee?

6. Quite the Bargain

A farmer was tired of watching his lazy son read comic books. One day the father gave the boy three dollars and told him to go down to the convenience store to buy the following:

something to feed the cows
something to plant in the garden
something to eat as a snack
something to drink

The father further stipulated that the son was only allowed to purchase one item. What did the boy buy?

7. A Terrible Tragedy

International Air flight 100 from Dallas to Mexico City crashes exactly on the border between the United States and Mexico, killing 17 people including the pilot (a Mexican) and his newborn son (who was just delivered over U.S. airspace.) Where do they bury the survivors?

The Answers

1. The surgeon (the boy's father) had been injured in the auto accident on the Ventura Freeway, as stated earlier in the story.
2. One. Someone will win the first game played. Unless it is a tie. In that case, the winner is chosen by secret ballot.
3. The man died from hanging.
4. Yes, she is lying. There is no such thing as a haunted house.
5. Neither. Elizabeth hates coffee.
6. Nothing. His father did not give him enough money, and in any case there was no single item that met all the specified criteria due to the limited selection of merchandise available for purchase in the convenience store.
7. Mexico.

The Circle of Life

2007-03-01T18:30:00.000-05:00

It takes 72 pounds of peanuts to make a pound of peanut butter.

It is illegal to import fresh peanut butter into America because the peanut plant is considered “non-native flora.”

THE WET LOOK: On average, Americans have two gallons of moisture in the clothes they wear. Most of this is contained in the air between their clothes and their body.

Through the simple act of smelling a piece of clothing, most people can determine if it was last worn by a man or a woman—even if it is brand new!

DO YOU SMELL THAT SMELL? Magic markers contain diluted paint instead of ink—hence the distinctive odor.

SOUNDS FISHY: Shark meat has no smell, even when rotting.

Sharks are the largest species of fish on Earth not counting whales, which are technically mammals.

IT TAKES A BIG LASSO: Whales, much like cattle (their land-lubber counterparts) travel in herds and are prone to “stampedes.” There is one big difference, however—no one ever got trampled by a runaway whale!

Cows are allergic to peanuts.

The History of Americans in America

2007-02-23T17:22:00.000-05:00

Over half of Americans believe they know nearly three-quarters of what there is to know about American history simply because they are Americans. But nearly 30% of that half is wrong! That’s right, 6 out of 10 Americans display a woeful grasp of the history of their own, admittedly great nation.

In the interest of furthering the accumulated knowledge and lore of American history and beyond, we present to you the Very Little Known History of Americans in America.

Thirteen Original Colonies, One Outstanding Colonial

Have you ever wondered who invented the kite, eyeglasses, the Post Office and the almanac? Here’s a hint—it wasn’t Thomas Edison.

If the American Colonies had had celebrities back in the days before colonies had such things, it’s a good bet that Benjamin Franklin would have had that celebrated standing--had he wanted it. How many people before or since have matched his performance? Few indeed. Very few indeed. He was a Renaissance man before the Renaissance.

Ben Franklin composed his own epitaph when he was 22 years old. In it he recounted a life of devoted service to God, community, and country. He highlighted his ambassadorship to France, signing the Declaration of Independence, and inventing the wood stove and the postal stamp. He omitted his vice-presidency and the many mestizo children he fathered with a black slave. Of course, this was all the more amazing since none of it had even happened yet!

The Revolutionary War: Not Just for Boys Any More

Many women served the cause of liberty and Americanism during the Revolutionary War of 1812. Best known was Mary Rutherford Hayes, nicknamed "Molly Pitcher." During the Battle of Monmouth she took over a cannon after her husband was wounded and continued to “pitch” cannonballs at the advancing British. After the battle she was arrested by the victorious British forces and charged with “barbarically and against the Order of Nature violently attacking and savaging many Officers and Men of His Majesty’s Armed Forces.” The redcoats gave her a new nickname—“Molly Hatchet”—and wrote a bawdy song about her exploits. A sanitized version of the song later became the popular ditty “Yankee Doodle.”

African-American Americans

Many African-Americans also contributed to American history in many diverse ways.

Edgar Allen Poe: The First Goth

The first American to write a novel or poem that anyone still bothers to read nowadays was Edgar Allen Poe. His classic sonnet The Raven and his eerie stories The Tattle-Tale Heart, The Legend of Sleepy Hollow and The Monkey's Paw have become iconic pieces of Halloween literature.

Edgar Allen Poe never achieved success in his own lifetime. He worked a number of jobs to get by including toll collector, hospital orderly, and Secretary of War for the state of Maryland. He died at the tragic age of 82 from bad shellfish. His influence is still felt today, however, through the contributions of his namesake, vaunted NBA All-Star Allen Iverson.

World War I: Lucky Lindy and Unlucky Amelia

America’s unilateral victory over the old European powers in the War to End All Wars ushered in a golden age of aviation, something that the three Wright brothers could have only dreamt of as they made their first flight from Kitty Hawk, North Carolina back to their bicycle shop in Ohio.

Foremost amongst these pioneers of the wild blue-sky yonder were Charles Lindbergh and Amelia Earhart. A friendly arch-rivalry quickly developed between these two flypersons. Lindbergh became the first man to fly through the St. Louis arch, first to fly across the county in a plane without a windshield, and the first to fly solo across the Atlantic. Amelia was the first woman to fly an airplane without a male co-pilot or “chaperone.” Her attempt to become the first pilot (male or female) to circumnavigate the globe (i.e. the Earth) met with dismal failure as her flight vanished off radar near the island of Bermuda. Some say her disappearance was related to organizing the first pilot's union. Other say it was revenge for her hypothetical role in the kidnapping of Lindbergh's baby son Lindy. In any case, the mystery of her doomed flight was never investigated by any government agency including the FAA, or Federal Aviation Administration, which did not yet exist.

Aunt Miltie in the Age of Television

Although men acting in drag was a staple of the Shakespearean theater, Milton Berle was the first man to play a transvestite on television. His courage made future characters such as Corporal Klinger, Monty Python’s Flying Circus, and Rosanne Barr possible. On Sunday evenings, people would rush home from church to hear his popular catchphrases, “Holy Baloney!” and “I coulda had a V-8!”

Rumors abounded concerning Milton’s massive “endowment.” Of course he did nothing to discourage this scuttlebutt about his alleged manhood since it boosted his ratings enormously. So, you might ask, how big was Milton Berle’s penis? According to autopsy records, Milton Berle’s penis was 5.3 inches long. (Back then, that was a lot!)

Conclusion

In summation, where would America be today without the contributions of so many valuable Americans? The answer is: no one knows. But if there's one thing we all can agree on, surely it's that the history of America is the greatest nation on Earth. As Yakov Smirnoff, heir to the Smirnoff vodka family fortune, famously said, "What a country!"

Think about it.

The Facts Speak for Themselves

2007-02-20T20:49:00.000-05:00

In a world of uncertainty and impending chaos, sometimes the Facts of Life are all we have left to hold on to.

Elephants sneeze through their mouths, not their trunks.

The first customer of the Federal Witness Protection Program was none other than notorious gangster Al Capone.

The word darling is a variant of the Arabic darjeeling, a term of endearment that literally means, "the foreskin of a camel."

FRED AND GINGER: Produced in the strict Hayes Code era, Singing in the Rain was the first Hollywood musical with no dance numbers. Hence the name!

What do they call Venetian blinds in Venice? They call them "Persian blinds."

HORSE SENSE: Racehorse jockeys are the only athletes allowed to bet against themselves.

Rhode Island has the largest population per capita of any state on the Eastern Seaboard.

EVERY WONDER WHAT R&B STANDS FOR? Have you ever seen popular singer Aaron Neville of the Neville Brothers and wondered what that big thing on his face was? It's a goiter.

Revealed: Real Names of Famous Celebrities

2007-02-16T16:02:00.000-05:00

Would you allow your daughter to date successful musician Chaim Witz? What about rocker Gene Simmons?

Would you buy real estate from Domingo Tancredo Suarez? How about Donald Trump?

Would you vote for Hillary Clinton, or maybe throw your support behind Hillary Rodham Clinton?

What if I told you that these were the same people?

Celebrities often change their real names for PR and legal reasons. Don’t try looking up Sting in the United Kingdom phone book, but you just might find a listing for Gordon Sumner. And what about Bjork? What kind of name is that? The kind of name you take if your REAL name is Bjork Gudmundsdottir.

Our crack research department here at Very Little Known Facts has tracked down the real names of many of our most famous, celebrated celebrities. Don’t be shocked to learn that your favorite actor, actress, celebrity is NOT WHO YOU THOUGHT THEY WERE or ARE.

FALSE NAME - REAL NAME

Elton John - Reggie Dwight
Prince - Rogers Nelson, aka Roger Nelson
Eminem - Slim Shady
Madonna - Louise Cicciolina
Charlie Sheen - Carlos Irwin Estevez
Bono - Paul Hewson
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar - Cassius Clay
Alan Alda - Alphonse d'Abruzzo
Boy George - Georgios Panaylotou
John Cleese - John Cheese
John Wayne - Marion Morrison
Jay Z - John Zelig
Bob Dylan - Thomas Dylan
Cary Grant - Archibald Leach
Cher - Cherilyn Sarkisian
Snoop Dogg - Cordazar Calvin Broadus
F. Scott Fitzgerald - Hector Elizondo
Bruce Willis - Barry Willis Frankenheimer
Stevie Wonder - Steveland Judkins
Nicolas Cage - Nicolas Scorsese
Ralph Lauren - Ralph Lipschitz
Morris the cat - Buttercup the cat
Anna Nicole Smith - Vickie Lynn Hogan
Alice Cooper - William Bailey
John Cougar Mellencamp - Bluff Coogan
Michael Jordan - Mike Jordan
John Travolta - Vladimir Illyich Travolta
Paris Hilton - Marissa Stumph
Gloria Estefan - Gloria Fajardo
Lee Marvin - Marvin Lee
50 Cent - Victor Augustus Cent
Englebert Humperdinck - George Dorsey
Talia Shire - Talia Scorsese
Tupac Shakur - Lesane Parish Crooks
John Wayne Gacy - Marion Morrison Gacy
Lisa Bonet - Lisa Boney
Rip Torn - Jeffrey (Rip) Torn
Zsa Zsa Gabor - Eva Gabor
Whoopi Goldberg - Natalie Goldberg
Julia Louis Dreyfuss - Angmar Carabiner
Vanilla Ice - Robert (Rip) Van Winkle
Tom Cruise - Thomas Cruise Mapother IV
Marilyn Monroe - Norma Rae
Sinbad - David Adkins
Holland Oates - Daryl Hall and John Oates

Black History Month: Black Inventors and Black Inventions

2007-02-07T10:38:00.000-05:00

This week we celebrate Black History Month here at Very Little Known Facts. This truly is the time when we look back at the important contributions that African-Americans have made, continue to make, and will undoubtably continually persist in making throughout the future.

Black history is, of course, an integral part of American history--just because there is a separate month to celebrate it does not mean that it is not equal to other histories. Where would we as a nation be without black culture, black literature, black music, and (ethnically) black humor? But what many people don't know is the contributions black inventors made by contributing their inventions to the world of inventions that exist. Read on and join our celebration because--and this is no longer a Very Little Known Fact--February is Black History month.

RING FOR SERVICE: The late 19th century was an exciting and innovative time in America. Great social and technological upheavals were afoot; new, never-before-dreamt-of possibilities seemed to spring up everywhere across the newly re-united nation. Miriam Benjamin, a young schoolteacher from Washington, D.C., thought of a novel way to call for service at the touch of a button—literally. She applied for a patent for an invention she called the Gong and Signal Chair for Hotels, envisioning it as a way to summons such amenities as room service without leaving the comfort of a fireside seat. Later incarnations of her innovation would be used in the House of Representatives and as call buttons on airplanes. On July 7, 1888, Miriam became only the second black woman to receive a patent from the United States government.

HAVE A SEAT: Nathaniel Alexander Re-invented the folding chair.

WHO WAS JENNY? Railroads were dangerous back in the day. Andrew Jackson Beard, a black man and former slave named for a slave-owning president, was working as a yardy when an over-zealous driver crushed his leg between two railroad cars. The leg eventually had to be amputated. Attempting to create something positive out of his disability, Andrew worked hard to invent a new, safer way to join or “couple” railroad cars together. His invention, the Jenny Coupler, revolutionized the railcar coupling industry and saved many lives and limbs. He received a U.S. patent for the Jenny Coupler in 1897.

Sarah Boone re-invented the ironing board.

WHAT’S COOKING? CHEMISTRY! Lloyd Augustus Hall was an African-American chemist who made many groundbreaking contributions to the food chemistry industry. He invented the method of encasing of sodium nitrate and nitrite in crystals for preservation purposes. He pioneered the use of such popular ingredients as lecithin, propyl gallate, and ascorbyl palmite, as well as various protein hydrolysats. Hall even sterilized spices with ethylenoxide gas, an insecticide.

William J. Ballow invented a combined hat rack and table in 1898.

Jack Johnson was the first black heavyweight boxing champion of the world from 1908 to 1915. He was vilified, persecuted, and at one point arrested for his two marriages to Caucasian women. Eventually he fled the country. Jack Johnson also patented a wrench on April 18, 1922.

JUST IN TIME FOR VALENTINE’S DAY: John Lee Love re-invented the pencil sharpener. He dubbed it the "Love Sharpener."

Lonnie Johnson worked for the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena, California, the Strategic Air Command, the Air Force, and NASA. He earned several degrees in nuclear physics and rocket science. He worked on the Galileo Mission to Jupiter, the Stealth Bomber, and invented the Super Soaker® squirt gun.

GET PHYSICAL: Kevin Woolfolk patented "The Hamster Workout Wheel,” a device that records your pet rodent’s exercise.

Warning: Inaccurate Fact Alert

2007-01-29T08:59:00.000-05:00

Well, it looks like the corporate fact-checkers over at McDonald's have let another wildly inaccurate "fact" slip through. Look carefully at the Happy Meal packaging found by Flickr user Frauenfelder (link) and you will see the following:

You can jump 6 times higher in space!

Obviously, they are talking about the Moon, since everybody knows that in space you can't jump at all. On the Moon, however, you can jump six times your own height.

So remember, faithful readers, never trust anything on the Internet. And never get your science facts from fast-food packaging.

And That's a Fact!

2007-01-24T18:46:00.000-05:00

Like ants, cats are able to carry loads equivalent to forty times their own mass, but they do so only under duress.

Were it not for mountains, rivers, and paved roads, a single kudzu plant would grow to cover the entire land mass of North America in a year.

WHO WEARS SHORT SHORTS? Dr. Benjamin Nair invented the first depilatory cream in 1972. He also invented the auto-return tape deck and the broiler.

PLEASE RECYCLE: You should never recharge a cellular mobile telephone until the battery is completely drained. “Overcharging” builds up over time and can lead to poor performance, dropped calls, and even danger.

Orson Welles, director of Citizen Kane, The Third Man and Rosebud, delivered the famous War of the Worlds radio broadcast in 1939 from his book of the same name. He went on to write 1984 and Animal Farm.

LIKE SMOKE SIGNALS: During the Cold War, written communications to Allied spies behind the Iron Curtain in Poland, Russia, and North Korea were encoded in a pictorial font based on the Navajo language. Today that font is found on all Windows computers—it’s called Wingdings!

Lingerie is French for loiterer, which has the same Latin root as the word prostitute.

ADULT SITUATIONS: Everyone knows you can’t show full frontal nudity on broadcast television. You can, however, show the side of a woman’s breast as long as the nipple is not visible. Similarly, you can show the side of a man’s penis as long as the corona is hidden or blurred.

Denver is the highest city in the world based on population.

Cold and Flu Season: Myths, Facts, and Legends

2007-01-15T20:35:00.000-05:00

Even in the so-called Information Age, it is increasingly hard to get the straight facts on colds and the flu. I mean, what is the difference between a cold and the flu? What are the symptoms? What is the best treatment? While Science struggles to find answers to these rhetorical questions, we here at Very Little Known Facts have taken it upon ourselves to get down to the root of the matter and expose some common fallacies regarding this least festive of seasons.

Myth: Standing outside in the cold with wet hair will make you sick.

Fact: It is a scientifically and medically proven fact that standing outside in the cold while dripping wet does not cause colds. Colds are caused by viruses.

Legend: Over-the-counter medicines may make you more likely to get sick.

Fact: There is some truth to this. Contac is the only medicine proven to cure the common cold due to its patented time-released capsules.

Myth: A whiskey a day keeps the doctor away.

Fact: Alcoholism is a serious medical condition. Check with your insurance carrier before seeking treatment.

Legend: You cannot get sick from a flu shot.

Fact: The flu vaccine is created from a “killed” virus, so you cannot get the flu from a flu shot. However, since the injection causes soreness and an immuno-response reaction, the lack of competition creates a “window” for the cold bacteria to exploit. Remember not to get a flu shot if you have a fever, if you are allergic to eggs, peanuts, ragweed, pets or pollen, if you are pregnant or trying to become pregnant, or if you have certain immune disorders such as AIDS. Women who are breastfeeding may experience some sexual side effects from the flu vaccine, but this is normal.

Myth: Flu can upset your stomach.

Fact: Flu will never make you feel sick to your stomach. Vomiting is a sign of a much more serious ailment. Possibly cancer. See your physician immediately at the first sign of stomach discomfort (unless you just don’t want to know).

Legend: Vitamin C aids your immune system.

Fact: Experts disagree over whether humans should attempt to “help” their own immune system, or if they should simply pray and leave the decision to whatever higher power you may or may not believe in.

Myth: Herbal treatments such as echinacea and zinc will cure both colds and the flu.

Fact: This is true. Be sure to tell everyone you know about echinacea, “Nature’s Wonder Herb.” Your sick friends will appreciate the helpful advice.

Legend: Antibiotics will not help cure the flu.

Fact: Science has yet to cure the common cold, but some say that antibiotics, due to their healing chemicals, can be part of an effective regimen to fight the flu. Consult your physician for more information—but be sure to call ahead, preferably several weeks before you get sick since many doctors have a backlog of patients this time of year.

Myth: Chicken soup makes you feel better if you’re sick.

Fact: Chicken soup contains prodigious amounts of sodium, which leeches water from your body, leading to dehydration and eventual death. Be sure to remember the old adage, “Feed a cold, starve a fever.” NEVER let someone with a fever try to eat.

Legend: The winter months are also known as Cold and Flu season.

Fact: More colds occur in the winter months because people are more likely to stay indoors in cramped quarters with recirculated air, thus spreading the cold virus. Therefore, you can PREVENT colds by standing outside in the cold while dripping wet. It's the healthiest thing you can do in the winter! As a general rule, the colder it is, the more time you should spend standing outside in the cold because more of your colleagues are going to be incubating all those nasty viruses inside.

Conclusion

In conclusion, the best way to avoid colds and the flue is to stay healthy throughout the Winter months, also known as Cold and Flu Season. Perhaps the most novel option is to join the Polar Bear Club, a group of “crazy” folks who dive into freezing-cold water in the winter. But if cold water boosts your immune system and you can’t catch a cold or the flu outside, then who’s crazy now?

Someone’s in the Kitchen with Facts!

2007-01-10T17:18:00.000-05:00

What's that smell? Why, it must be Very Little Known Facts whipping up a piping hot batch of knowledge!

Knife Sharpening is a required course in every major culinary school on the East Coast. With a nod to centuries of French culinary tradition, students receive a special badge upon successful completion of the course.

Whoops! A tomato is not a vegetable. In fact, it was dumbly never categorized as anything!

The burner rings on natural gas stovetops were originally designed to dry glasses in busy restaurants. In fact, the German term Gasofenring literally translates as “nature's drying rack.”

Forbes magazine recently voted the electric can opener as the single most ingenious time-saving invention of the twentieth century. They cited many noteworthy innovations including ease of use, reliability, and the magnet that makes manual lid removal "a thing of the past."

On a related note: So-called “Next Generation” electric can openers open cans from the side, leaving no sharp edges. Safety experts estimate that over 80,000 Americans visit the Emergency Room each year with can-related injuries. (This total includes family, friends, and loved ones.)

Planning for a party? Sandwiches make for great finger food!!!

Now that’s Italian! The Sicilian method of cooking pasta involves boiling it inside a clear tube. Traditionally the tube is made of glass, but newer models incorporate space-age plastics.

Very Little Known Facts about 2007: Year in Review

2007-01-05T18:52:00.000-05:00

January: Due to the events of September 11, 2001, rock-and-roll mecca and Lower-East Side rathole CBGBs closes after nearly a hundred years in business. Controversial Danish cartoons such as Doonesbury and For Better or For Worse featuring images of the prophet Mohammed ignite riots and protests in the Islamic world. In response, Israel invades Lebanon.

February: The Winter Olympics in Canada or somewhere like that introduce the world to the wild sport of curling, never before seen by television audiences. The Vice President of the United States of America shoots a man in the face. The victim apologizes. James Fray reveals that his novel The Corrections was not, in fact, about Oprah Winfrey.

March: Tom Cruise brings shame and discredit to the public image of Scientology by marrying Suri, the daughter of actress Katie Holmes. President Bush admits that some phone calls inside the United States were recorded by the National Security Administration (NASA), but only for quality control purposes.

April: Sources asking to remain anonymous to protect their identities reveal to news agencies that celebrity Lindsay Lohan is upset. Record temperatures due to greenhouse gases caused by climate change lead some scientists to postulate a "Global Warming" theorem. (En Español, “El Niño.”)

May: Federal Reserve Board Chairman Alan Greenspan resigns during the Jack Abramoff scandal. North Korea warns of "dire consequences" if it does not get more attention. Protestors including both immigrants and non-immigrants march in several metropolitan areas—some with concerns, many with demands. In response, Israel invades Lebanon.

June: International financier and yachtsman Adnan Khashoggi celebrates his 59th birthday. Rising gas prices lead Americans to consider radical new concepts such as alternate energy sources and fuel-efficient vehicles. The prime time Victoria’s Secret fashion show proves to Americans that lingerie can be sexy.

July: British, Scottish, English, Welsh, Northern Irish, and United Kingdom security forces foil a terrorist plot to blow up the Concorde with an explosive concoction of 4 oz. travel-sized shampoos. Former CEO of Enron Kenneth Lay dies of guilt. The Tour de France is canceled due to steroid use.

August: Beloved newspersonality Katie Couric takes over Andy Rooney’s segment on 20/20. Scientists discover that Pluto is not old enough to be a planet. An NPR interview with Henry Kissinger reveals the news that Henry Kissinger is still alive.

September: Using polonium, a radioactive element distilled from uranium-232, North Korean scientists detonated a small nuclear device. Despite attempts to mask the tell-tale “mushroom” cloud by testing the bomb underground, the explosion triggers a small tsunami that hits the northern Japanese island of Taiwan, also known as Szechuan. Crocodile and alligator hunter Steve Irwin dies under mysterious circumstances.

October: One year after Katrina devastated much of the Gulf Coast of Louisiana, Mississippi and Florida, the Superdome reopens for New Orleans Saints football games and as a shelter for those displaced by the hurricane. A former Russian spy dies from radiation poisoning, possibly from eating the lethal fugu fish at a London sushi establishment. Hewlett-Packard Chairwoman Patricia Dunn resigns amidst the growing spy scandal. Madonna fights Angelina Jolie in a custody battle for adopted African children.

November: Senator George Allen of Virginia, the grandson of the comic couple George Burns and Gracie Allen, loses his re-election bid after referring to an ethnic campaign worker as Macaca. He later issues a correction saying he intended to reference Whiplash the rodeo monkey. The Reverend Ted Haggard, cousin of country crooner Merle Haggard, claims he never intended to inhale the crystal meth he bought from his gay prostitute lover.

December: The Seattle-Tacoma airport cancels Christmas due to a possible conflict with the Holiday Season. Paris Hilton makes headlines the world over due to her continuing celebrity. The release of the controversial Playstation 3 sparks robberies, murders, and riots. In response, Israel invades Lebanon.

Very Little Known Facts about 2007: Top Ten Web Searches

2007-01-02T09:19:00.000-05:00

As part of our week-long Year-In-Review series, today we look back at the top web searches of 2007. And what a year it has been! Former President Gerald Ford became the 3,000th American to die (indirectly) as a result of the war in Iraq, gas prices rose, and Britney Spears had a baby without wearing any underwear. How can anyone possible be expected to keep up with all this?

On the Internets, of course. Google, Yahoo, AOL, Linux, and MSN all keep track of the most popular searches--and you would be surprised by how many feature prominent results from articles posted in Very Little Known Facts. Check out just two of the Top Ten lists:

Top Ten Science Searches

mixing different types of alcohol
moon base
remove impurities crystal meth
facts about geranyl acetate
Atkins diet
WHERE DOES LANGOUSTINOS COME FROM
bird flu
stem cells
+"light bulb" +inside +danger +toxic
old fashion time hospital odor smell remove +vanilla

Merry Holidays!

2006-12-21T20:27:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas to us, one and all! Of course we all know that the Reason for the Season is the Holidays, but what about some Holiday History? Well, what about it?

The word holiday is derived from the Roman, meaning "A day in the Holiday Season."

The first Christmas was celebrated in December of 224 AD. December was chosen, of course, not because of Jesus's birthday (which was in March) but to replace the pagan holiday of Saturnalia, the feast of the Vernal (Autumn) Equinox.

GOD REST YE MERRY GENTLEMEN: Santa Claus, aka Jolly Old Saint Nick, was originally St. Nicholas. This 6th century Irish monk was also the inspiration for St. Patrick's day when he illegally brought 17 snakes to Ireland. This was the first recorded instance of snake handling, and according to some, the origin of the term "Secret Santa."

Christmas was not celebrated in the years 1629,1630, or 1704 by Decree of Law.

MARCO... The first Christmas presents were of course gold, frankincense, and myrrh, which is Roman for "the sea." However, gift-giving did not become a Christmas tradition until the 18th century when adventurer Marco Polo brought back Persian rugs from Iraq and exotic spices from the West Indies.

Americans spend more money on Christmas gifts each year than the rest of the world spends on food.

SHALOM! Menorah means "the festival of lights" in Jewish. Every year Orthodox Jews gather to eat, drink, and celebrate the liberation of the Jewish ghetto in Prague by the Golem. Hannukah, or Channukah, or Shannukah, is the third-highest religious holiday of the year after Ross Hashanana and the Jewish New Year, which is also the Lunar or Chinese New Year.

Kwanzaa is also a holiday of some note.

A MAJOR ACTOR: If a recent survey is to be believed, 53% of Americans prefer Brian Dennehy in the role of Santa Claus, even though he has never played it in a movie or TV show.

There is no such animal as a "reindeer."

Isn't It Just Like Life?

2006-12-19T18:51:00.000-05:00

In this season of holidays that some like to call the Holiday Season (while others prefer the old-fashioned X-Mas moniker), often we are too hurly-burly going about the hustle and bustle of our ho-hum days. Take a moment to stop, think, and even breathe in the air. After all, this is your entire life.

AWARENESS: Life is like a long walk on the beach. For every beautiful sight you see, you hear something too.

WISDOM: You've got to learn a lot about the different kinds of paint before you can even pick up a brush to start painting a room. And I mean A LOT.

PROACTIVITY: Sleeping in may sound like a good idea, but don't you have stuff to do? No? Okay, whatever.

GETTING AHEAD: "I'm only happy when I'm winning," said the man. But was he winning? I guess that's what it all comes down to in the end.

THOROUGHNESS: Sometimes, no matter how many channels you have on digital cable tv, it seems like there's nothing on. But hold on a sec--maybe you missed something.

MUSIC: They say that music is the language of kings.

A NEW WAY OF THINKING: One of the best things about attaining your goals is that it may give you confidence.

ADVERSITY: Rockets are a bit like life. They blast into space, and they never come back.

BE PREPARED: Don't leave a cake out on the table or the dog will get into it. Unless you don't have a dog. Or if your dog is very short, then the table would probably be fine.

ADVICE: If you're feeling poorly, count on a neighbor or a friend to give you some little nugget of medical wisdom--totally free, completely unsolicited, and often erroneous or even dangerously wrong.

UPS AND DOWNS: Hesitate for just an instant and you've missed that parking space. Wait, isn't that one over by the carts? Right up front? No, that's handicapped.

PERSEVERANCE: You know that pen is almost out of ink, but you put it back in the drawer anyway. Are you trying not to be wasteful? Who knows.

IT HAPPENS EVERY TIME: Right when you sit down to eat a piece of pizza, you realize that you have forgotten your fork.

Search of the Week: December 15

2006-12-15T08:18:00.000-05:00

Every single week of the year we bring you, the reader, one very special VLKF visitor who found our site through a popular search engine. This week's search came from the ubiquitous Google-brand search engine, where we ranked number 7 out of 130,000 results for the following query:

christian bale muscle

Not too shabby! Perhaps we need a follow-up piece on this subject.

Oddly, though, as you can see from the screenshot, this search came from Google Australia. One would think that an Aussie might be more interested in Steve Irwin or Mel Gibson. Well, you live and you learn. Thanks for the visit, mate!

One of These Days, Alice...

2006-12-11T21:17:00.000-05:00

The Moon has been around for thousands of years, but mankind has only visited it twice. Now it's time we moved in. NASA has just announced a new, ambitious plan to establish a base on the Moon.

We on truly lucky to live on the only planet with a moon. (CAUTION: Be careful, though--it causes tsumanis!) Over the decades, the Moon has come to be associated with love, longing, mental illness, the menstrual cycle, astronomy, tides, and eclipses. How much do you really know about the Earth's moon, which is popularly known as The Moon? Are you a Moonie? Here are some fun new facts about our closest neighbor in the galaxy.

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS GREEN CHEESE! The Moon appears green because of its high copper content.

The Moon is the closest planet to the Earth except for Pluto, which is no longer a planet. At its closest point in orbit (apogee), the Moon is only five miles from the Earth's atmosphere. This is what astronomers call a "Harvest Moon."

WANT TO LOSE SOME WEIGHT? Due to the low specific gravity of the Moon, you would only weigh 12 pounds if you lived on the new Moonbase.

Pound for pound, moonrocks are more valuable than gold, cocaine, or Picassos.

I WANT TO BELIEVE: Some say that man has not actually walked on the Moon. This "conspiracy theorum" was popularized again by the Jim Carrey song, "The Old Man in the Moon" from the hit movie of the same name. Were the Moon astronauts really robots or monkeys? No, they were not. Robots were not invented until 1979, and monkeys would pee in their spacesuits, ruining the delicate electronics.

The Space program has brought back benefits to this planet on which we all live and breath. I'm talking, of course, about the Earth. Some of the "fringe" benefits of NASA include:

improved solar cells
freeze-dried ice cream
kidney dialysis
speakerphones
HEPA filters
CAT scans
space heaters
vacuum sealing
instant coffee
IMAX
jello
concentrated orange juice
low-interest student loans
zero-gravity pens
audiobooks

VLKF Celebrates Gay Rappers

2006-12-10T09:52:00.000-05:00

We here at Very Little Known Facts are celebrating the First Annual Hip-Hop Coming Out Week. Congratulations to Eminem, DMX, and Atlanta’s own Ludacris for bravely taking a stand for their own homosexuality through their rap lyrics. Kudos, guys!

Of course, the hip-hop industry is famously homophobic. Rappers who have tentatively hinted at their sexual persuasion in the past have been eliminated—either medically in the case of Eric Lynn Wright (Eazy-E), violently in the case of Christopher Wallace (Notorious B.I.G.), or simply humiliated in the case of Robert Van Winkle.

Naturally, then, popular rappers cannot literally come out of the closet. To do so would imperil not only their careers and their reputations (a.k.a. “street cred”) but also their very lives. No, they must show their gay pride through their primary means of communication—their lyrics.

Up in Here lyrics by Earl Simmons (DMX)

Y'all gon' make me lose my mind
up in HERE, up in here
Y'all gon' make me go all out
up in here, up in here
Y'all gon' make me act a FOOL
up in HERE, up in here
Y'all gon' make me lose my cool
up in here, up in here
If I gotsta bring it to you cowards then it's gonna be quick, a’ight
All your mens up in the jail before, suck my dick

Here we see spelled out before us the mental anguish that rapper DMX feels as he is torn between his “unnatural” desires and the role society expects him to play as a successful hip-hop personality. The internal conflict seems to be pushing him to the brink of insanity. Faced with this untenable situation, DMX has resorted to calling on ex-cons to fellate him.

Now, as we all know, in prison the rules are different. However, last I checked, DMX was a free man—a free man soliciting oral sex from other men. But that’s not his only lyric on the subject. Consider this exerpt:

Y'all niggaz remind me of a strip club
Cause every time you come around
It's like I just gotta get my dick sucked.

A courageous stance to take in such a public forum. Indeed.

Rock and a Hard Place lyrics by Christopher Bridges, a.k.a. Ludacris

Yeah yeah
It's an everyday stuggle
Trying to get out
Trying to get out

Here we see Chris baring the strife inside his very soul. Should he come out of the closet? A hard decision to make. For further ruminations on the subject, “check out” the chorus:

I try to find a way outta this maze
It's got me crazed I'm in a daze
So many ways to boost into a different phase
But I can't think, I can't do nothing
You think I'm fronting
You hear me grunting
Lord you ain't even saying nuttin’.

Powerful stuff. We hope that Mr. Bridges will employ the proper protection while "grunting" with his "partner." Safety first.

Cleanin’ Out My Closet lyrics by the Caucasian rap artist Marshall Mathers or Eminem

Have you ever been hated, or discriminated against?
I have, I've been protested and demonstrated against.

I got some skeletons in my closet
And I don't know if no one knows it
So before they throw me inside my coffin and close it
Imma expose it, I'll take you back to '73
Before I ever had a multi-platinum sellin' CD
I was a baby maybe I was just a couple of months
My faggot father must have had his panties up in a bunch.

How much plainer can this be? Need we also remind you that he penned a song called Suck My Dick? Eminem is gay.

Conclusion

In conclusion, there is room on this beautiful planet for rappers of all races, creeds, and even sexual perversions—as long as they “got skills,” but especially if they “got mad skills.”

Which Came First, the Rhino or the Chicken?

2006-12-04T19:37:00.000-05:00

This age-old question has haunted mankind ever since Charles Darwin published his semenal work The Original Species several years ago. Perhaps some of these Very Little Known Facts can shed new light on a very old, very controversial problem.

The longest recorded flight of a domesticated chicken was 13 seconds. The chicken in question flew 1.2 miles.

FANCY FOOD: The restaurant "Po Folks" was named after the European river Po which flowed serenely through the land that the founders of that fine dining establishment called home. Eventually the name was shortened to "Folks," and finally changed to "Denny's."

Rhinos lay the largest eggs of any reptile since the Golden Age of the Dinosaurs.

DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING: It is unlawful for a blind person to testify in court as a witness.

BE CAREFUL: On average, up to 1,000 people choke to death on ball-point pens every year. In Florida, the number is even higher!

Al Capone's business card said that he was a used furniture dealer. Ironically, this was his profession from the time he was paroled in 1957 until, tragically, he died from old age in 1980.

NOBODY MOVE: To prevent population loss, the state of North Dakota fined its own citizens $350 to move out of state from 1961 to 1973. The money was then divided up amongst families who had moved to the state in that year. Native Americans were not eligible.

The hit Paul Newman and Robert Redford movie Cool Hand Luke was based on Shakespeare's play The Tempest.

ROCK OUT! Rock salt is not made from rocks. It is composed of pure sodium.

Film Reviews: The Importance of Being Earnest

2006-12-01T10:30:00.000-05:00

This week’s movie review is The Importance of Being Earnest, directed by Oliver Parker.

To start with, I can’t help but feel that there is a great deal of confusion with this movie, which is also—apparently—a play? Dennis Littrell posited:

This is an inventive and artful production of Oscar Wilde's play, but I can confidently say that were Oscar Wilde alive today, he would be appalled at the misuse to which his play has been put. Indeed I think I feel the ground rumbling as he rolls over in his grave, and yes he is actually spinning in anguish.

Possibly. I mean, I didn’t know Oscar, but I don’t think that he ever thought his play would end up being yet another installation in the Ernest series, that lovable good-for-nuthin’ with the irresistable catchphrase, “Hey Vern!”

And it is an odd choice. To start with, the whole thing takes place in Great Britain, which was once part of England and now is part of the United Kingdom. And on top of that it is apparently a period piece since everybody in the movie wears fancy clothes and listens to Victrolas, hence the monicker “The Victorian Era.” Why a period piece, you might ask? An excellent question. Even the Police Academy series didn’t feel the need to go back in time. But maybe that’s just what the tired old genre needed, according to reviewer windspray:

Sounds like my unfamiliarity with Wilde's play and the previous version of this movie was to my advantage. After all I could view this movie based on its own merits without any other comparisons getting in the way.

This didn’t sit so well with T. Rendell, who titled his review The dumbing-down of Oscar Wilde:

Urgent memo to Oliver Parker: Oscar Wilde is not about slapstick.

The plot, though, is vintage Ernest T. Worrell nonsense. Amazon.com summed it up their review:

The Importance of Being Earnest stars Colin Firth as an English gentleman who pretends to be his own brother, named Ernest, so he can enjoy himself in the city without besmirching his reputation at his country estate. Unfortunately, he's just fallen in love with a young woman who insists that she can only marry a man named Ernest--and when Firth's best friend goes to Firth's country estate pretending to be this same brother Ernest, he falls in love with Firth's ward, who similarly feels that Ernest is the perfect name for a husband...

Earnest, which is apparently the British spelling of Ernest, is still the same old lovable scamp, but I have to say he has lost some of his old-fashioned pratfall humor. Probably because veteran comedian Jim Varney is hardly to be found. Is he even in this movie? Perhaps they couldn’t afford him. But in any case, it hardly matters. In the end, The Importance of Being Earnest still proves to be as important as any other movie in the Ernest series, as reviewer Katherine Brodsky points out:

What ensues further is a hilarious tale of mistaken identity.

Indeed, the further ensuance is hilarious indeed.

Now That's Wild!

2006-11-29T15:13:00.000-05:00

For those of you waiting with unabated breath for the newest Very Little Known Facts, here they are!

Red Ferraris are the fastest and most expensive cars in the world. Second fastest (and second most expensive) are red Lamborghinis.

BELIEVE IT OR NOT: Some universities actually offer college credit for classes such as Underwater Basket Weaving, Ultimate Frisbee, and Human Sexuality!

The popular dance craze known as “The Robot” actually started back in the good old Eighties. The dance was invented when bored teens performed herky-jerky, mechanical moves to hits by German techno bands such as Kraftwerk and Devo.

The record for consecutive dangerous stunts is 6. Evil Knievel attempted to break this record in 1979, but he did not survive.

Despite winning several Academy Awards, Whoopi Goldberg is not the “real” name of the popular actress who starred in The Color Purple, Jumpin’ Jack Flash, and Ghost.

TOO BAD THINGS DIDN’T WORK OUT: The first Caucasian (white) rapper was Vanilla Ice.

In Canada, different teams compete in a sport known as “curling” where they attempt to slide a heavy weight across ice. Some team members even use brooms in this “sport” that has made it all the way to the Olympics!

THAT’S NO IGUANA: There is actually a breed of cat known as a Sphinx—maybe because it has no hair. None at all! But believe it or not, people have them as pets. Others claim to have "pet rocks."

The Concorde, a passenger jet, flew so fast that it actually created a sonic boom once.

REAL WILD: So-called “punk” rock-and-rollers shave all the hair off the sides of their head and then stand the remaining hair up into vertical spikes that form a long strip from their scalp to the nape of their neck. They call this hairdo a Mohawk after the river in New York. Dedicated punks may even dye this hair unnatural colors to celebrate their individuality.

Littlest Known Facts

2006-11-13T12:50:00.000-05:00

Sometimes, even the littlest things in the universe are important. Where would we be without thimbles and screws, transistors and teeth, staples and car keys? We would not be in a good place, that's for sure. Even these Very Little Known Facts about the littlest things imaginable.

FASTER THAN A MASERATI: A photon is a single atom of light. It travels through space at three times the speed of sound, but it is so small that it is completely invisible!

The smallest person in the world is only eight years old.

A single computer chip holds more information than the Library of Congress.

The preposition is the smallest form of speech in English. In French, it's the conjunction.

BIGGER THAN A BREADBOX: A singularity is defined by Physics as the spot where all the matter in the entire cosmos is compressed so much that it would all fit inside a classic VW Beetle. (Remember that the trunk of the VW is in the front of the car, not the back.)

Japanese Banzai trees never grow more than six inches tall, even if you fertilize them!

Ink is actually made up of hundreds of tiny pigment molecules that bind to paper and quickly dry. If one were to stack all the ink molecules in a Stephen King book on top of each other, the resulting tower would be 6 times taller than the book itself!

SMALLER PLEASE: Bacteria are the smallest forms of life on Earth. But watch out--viruses are even smaller.

What Is a Hedge Fund?

2006-11-02T09:28:00.000-05:00

In today’s ever-changing marketplace, it’s hard for the average investor to keep up with the “lingo.” Some investors don’t even know what the word “lingo” means! Is it a game show? Is it Australian? Who knows?

We here are VLKF Financial Services are here to help you, the potential investor, make savvy, risky, and safe decisions not only for your long-term financial goals and but also for your immediate gratification.

When the Dow Jones Industrial Index (NASDAQ) is down, people tend to bandy about the term “Hedge Fund” more and more. This is also true when the stock market is up. This might lead you to wonder, what exactly is a Hedge Fund, and how do I get in on this exciting once-in-a-lifetime opportunity? Here are some important things to remember.

1. Hedge Funds Are Not Mutual Funds. Although, technically, Hedge Funds are classified as Mutual Funds, there are at least six important differences. Keep this in mind.

2. Hedge Funds “hedge.” This is, of course, the main, pro-active impetus of the Hedge Fund archetype. This requires a contract stating protection against borrower fallout risk in the revenue-producing floor or ceiling, called a Qualified Financial Exchange. Practically speaking, this an offering. Stock is offered if financed analysis of principal-agent profits are at a minimum not necessarily between the two courses of action, either to buy or sell, never both. Execution of one between two things, such as the biter Stock issued the fallen angel. Abusive books are broken down into age of a customer, er, seller/buyer and Broker/analyst. In general, it means to increase brokerage bulk of trading business risks of a project. But that should be obvious, even to the layman. See: Ankle capitals (“The Caps”).

3. Don’t Put All Your Eggs In One Omelet. Many investors want to jump on the bandwagon and find the latest “hot” stock. Often, these tips come from unsolicited emails. Beware, novice investor! Although these tips are usually exciting opportunities to make easy money, you shouldn’t invest all your money in a single internet stock. Spread your money out amongst several. And remember—forwarding these offers to everyone in your email address book can only increase the chances of a big payoff. Share the wealth!

4. Don’t Go “Over the Hedge.” In the context of bonds, refers to the computed cost of shares in which the cost of the counterparty, the active covenant minus debits at the currency, political, and current level of the current market and current market price, is not paid. Like the old song says, “Shave and a Hotdog, Two Bits!”

5. Keep it Legal, Keep it Real. Now it’s time for the fine print. Don’t bother to read this section until the lawyers are beating your door down.

Exhibit A: Account Brokerage System (ABS) The system that records bids and times generates the Annualizing Test Ratio, also called a private life-of-loan interest rate. See: APS.

Exhibit B: A firm with negative trading transactions such as a leveraged U.S. government-sponsored articles of incorporation uses important, variable-rate, alternative market capitalization of less than $500 million. Phenylketoneurics: Contains phenylalanine.

Exhibit 3: Ahead on a limit order is the monthly basis we established on debt instruments, the Ginnie on its one-day bank collection float. Adverse options are fixed-income or cash basis accounting. Qualified or Performance Certificates issued from dividends on a monthly basis. (A portfolio should gain limited context in safekeeping.) Hey, you know, what the heck? You know what I’m saying? Any-or-all bid dealer in question, e.g. Volatility Phenomenon Agency theory. The effect of compounding is the effect of a transaction. Often used on a fundamental basis.

Exhibit D: The return (usually run over) returns and returns, calculated risk, an agent acts as intermediary. The seller would sell. This analysis is often seldom-used since the present value over the statement from an independent financial institution that measures the firm may levy a fee closest to the gain (.05^ - = general market.) Both indications lower the interest among major classes of futures contracts as well as calculating market (bid/ask) hours. For example, if the World must be mutual, the opposing centers are required to permit restrictions of Rule. Compare: six independent alphabetical categories provided some integrated volume from widely quoted balances. Sell the world.

Becoming Whelmed

2006-10-19T15:59:00.000-04:00

Feeling frustrated? Frazzled? Stressed out? At your wit's end? Chances are that you are overwhelmed. Conversely, if you feel bored and listless, you may be underwhelmed.

Either way, the condition is serious, and certainly no laughing matter. Healers recommend occupying the positive middle ground ground between the two. Strive to become whelmed.

In our ongoing series called Towards a Better Wellness for Tomorrow, we here at Very Little Known Facts bring you the latest in self-help tips and techniques. Allow yourself to enjoy.

Every now and then, take a break. You deserve it.

Violet is the most musical color. Why not spruce up your workplace with a song of lilacs?

When it comes to career choices, choose wisely. Otherwise, you may "career" off course.

Take all the time you need. It's important.

Don't let the bums get you down. But don't get yourself down either!

Remember to breathe.

Your space is your own. Use it judiciously.

You should take better care of yourself.

Seriously, folks--you gotta be good to yourself, too.

Beware of So-Called "Fake" Facts!

2006-10-13T12:22:00.000-04:00

We here at Very Little Known Facts have always taken our mission statement (appearing at the top of this page) very seriously. That’s why we are alarmed and disturbed by the growing trend of “fake” fact sites, websites that distort the truth or even make up so-called “facts” for entertainment purposes. (Or possibly even darker, more sinister purposes as well!)

A link to one of these odious, mendacious sites even appeared as an “advertising link” on Very Little Known Facts (see picture). Rest assured that we had the link removed immediately, and we have received proper assurances from the Use and Abuse department of Google that the perpetrators will be brought to justice.

DO NOT BE FOOLED! Fraudulent “fact” sites may look just like reliable, trustworthy ones. Be aware of the danger signs:

humorous content
absurd, unbelievable, or nonsensical “factoids”
confusing or non-existent source information
deliberately vague and ambiguous language
repeated use of personal opinion and conjecture as “fact”

Of course we at VLKF have always had a standing policy regarding revealing our sources. Naturally, many of these are of a sensitive and confidential nature, but in the interest of full disclosure we will send you a full catalog of sources for one singular factoid by writing the following address:

VLKF
Building 3, Postal Drop 3487
117 John F. Kennedy Drive
Nassau
The Bahamas

Be sure to enclose a money order for $7.85 for postage and handling. For multiple requests, include $7.85 for each request.

Alternately, you can send us the money via PAYPAL to the following email address:

freecreditreport@internetbank.ru

Once payment is received a full, confidential source citation will be mailed to your home within 6 to 8 weeks. A sample citation is shown below for the following Very Little Known Fact from our October 2, 2006 post entitled In Actual Fact...

JIFFY TIME: A “jiffy” is an actual measurement of time, although the measurement varies between 0.01 seconds, 0.0025 seconds, 0.001 seconds, and 0.00000000000333564 seconds.

SOURCES:

The dictionary.com definition of jiffy. The link is:

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/jiffy

The wikipedia entry on jiffy. The link is:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jiffy_%28time%29

The Free On-line Dictionary of Computing definition of jiffy. The link is:

http://foldoc.org/?jiffy

The whatis.com definition of jiffy. The link is:

http://whatis.techtarget.com/definition/0,,sid9_gci822188,00.html

In Praise of the Very Little Known Fact

2006-10-12T13:56:00.000-04:00

Science tells us that human beings only use about 10% of their brain capacity. Men average 11%, while women clock in at 13%. Nobody alive can tell us why this is the case, but isn’t it just possible that exorcising these faculties can improve mental capabilities? Some say yes. And what better way to expand your mind than by learning something new every day? Think about that. While you're thinking, here are some Very Little Known Facts:

White cats are tone deaf.

Peanuts are technically legumes, meaning that they form the root systems of small, deciduous trees.

BUT ARE THEY MADE OF CHEESE? There are more attics in America than moonrocks on the Moon.

Human eyelashes are composed of a single, fibrous cell.

In addition to conquering most of Europe and Eurasia, Napoleon Bonaparte invented:

the breech-loading cannon
the flanking maneuver
the jury system
linoleum
the modern system of street numbering with even numbers on the north or east side, odd numbers on the southwest side.

COLD COMFORT: Contrary to popular belief, Napoleon did not invent Neopolitan ice cream or the “Napoleon” pastry, although those sweet treats were named after him.

Search of the Week: October 5

2006-10-05T08:34:00.000-04:00

Every live-long week we bring you, the reader, one lucky VLKF visitor who found our site through a popular search engine. This week's search came from Google, where--brace yourself--we came up NUMBER ONE AND NUMBER TWO for the following query:

little known facts robin williams

Over a million results, and we got the top two spots!

Naturally we continue to celebrate Mr. Williams as he gets older and funnier. But his wacky, wild improvisation never gets old.

Oddly, the searcher did not seem to stay too long on our site at 4:15 AM. Come back when you can spend some more time checking us out!

In Actual Fact...

2006-10-02T07:30:00.000-04:00

The March 1955 issue of Playboy did not have a centerfold.

To increase the life expectancy of rubber bands, keep them refrigerated.

SOMEBODY IS GETTING SPANKED! Traditionally, there is only one day a year for birthday parties in China. This is the seventh day of the New Year, which is known as “everybody’s birthday.” (Remember, that’s the Chinese New Year.)

Some have said that giraffes have no vocal cords. This is a myth. Giraffes rarely vocalize, but when they do they sound like elephants.

JIFFY TIME: A “jiffy” is an actual measurement of time, although the measurement varies between 0.01 seconds, 0.0025 seconds, 0.001 seconds, and 0.00000000000333564 seconds.

There was no full moon in the month of February 1961.

STUCK ON YOU: When a den of rats becomes overcrowded, the tails of young, malformed, or injured rats can become inextricably intertwined and subsequently fused together in a Gordian knot of blood, dirt, and excrement. These unnaturally conjoined rodents must then live out the balance of their lives in a filth-covered mass known as a Rat King.

Search of the Week: September 29

2006-09-29T18:18:00.000-04:00

Week in and week out we highlight one lucky VLKF visitor who found our site through a popular search engine. This week's search came from Google, where--yet again--we were NUMERO UNO for the following query:

famous teetotallers

Hopefully the second article in our four-part series served not only to educate, but also to inspire.

Congratulations to you, lucky visitor, and come back soon!